HELP!!!

Does anyone know why I can't leave comments on blogs??  Especially blogspot blogs!  I have so much to say, lol!  I post a comment and hit the comment button, and then it disappears :(  Help!!

Gettin' crafty!

So who is tired of me talking about infertility??   I can just see you guys jumping up and down saying "ME, ME!" Ha!  Yea, well, me too...believe it or not!  I, myself, can't believe how much I can talk about infertility...it just monopolizes everything, booo!  So, in the last few days I've been really trying to think of things I can do to get my mind off of it already.  I made a date with a girlfriend of mine...and here is how our conversation went:


 Let's do something Friday night...
A: Um, I know you, you'll be too tired after work.
Me: Nah, I promise, I'm good...
A: Ok, let's do something out of our comfort zone!
Me: Sounds great, let's do it!
A: How about laser tag?
Me: No, does not sound fun whatsoever...and I'm 33, not 23 like you! (Yes, we are 10 years apart and yes, I know 33 isn't old)
A: Alright old lady...
Me:  How about roller skating?  (purely for shock value)
A: I'm 23, not 13...
Me: I was kidding about roller skating.
A:  How about bowling?
Me: Is this what it's come down to?
A: How about we just go see a movie, dinner and drinks? (the usual)
Me: I guess we don't have a choice (b/c there is absolutely nothing else to do), sounds good.  (NOT out of comfort zone whatsoever)

So then I get this great idea...let's be realllly lame and do arts and crafts, while having some wine of course!  Soooo...I start to google DIY fall projects....OMGoodness, wow there is so much.  WOW, people are soo creative and then spend a ton crap of time to take pictures, give a blow by blow on how to make it AND then blog about it!  So then, the next day this was our convo:

Me: How about a fall arts and crafts project and some wine!
A: So we go from laser tag to arts and crafts?
Me: Absolutely!
A: Awesome, let's do it!
Me: Yay...we're so cool!

This is what I found for us to do...it was A's idea to do a wreath, so this is what we settled on.  Hot glue guns, watch out!!

  http://www.craftaholicsanonymous.net/2011/09/burlap-fall-wreath-tutorial.html  Don't ya'll LOVE it??

I'm NOT creative whatsoever, but I like to be crafty (and I'm usually terrible at it)!  This might be the beginning of something...we shall see :)  I'll post some pics from our old lady arts and crafts night!  This might have to be a regular thing...

The journey

"Be kind because everyone is fighting some kind of battle".

I've heard this quote so many times, and I love the reminder that it holds.  I may have said this here before, but in some funky way I'm grateful for my infertility struggle.  If you can see the good through the bad or the bigger picture during troubled times or in times of waiting, it makes it far easier to get through.  I don't think for one minute that I'm waiting in vain (at times it may not sound like it here on my blog, through all the whining).  The big lesson I'm learning is that everyone certainly does struggle with something.  If we're being honest, I will say that it has taken this IF to help me to see it, fully understand it and act on it.  But, that is the beauty of struggle, pain, suffering, loss.

I was doing my daily blog readings a couple weeks ago and found that one of my IF bloggy friends announced she was three months pregnant!!  Her dream came true, her prayers were answered, all the hope she held onto finally became a reality...but the one thing that seemed to bother her was that this announcement would find other IF followers hurting.  The IF battle is so tricky and complicated.  I'm not so sure that anyone can truly unravel the tortuous and complex emotions that IF comes with.  Your dream comes true, but the sting of IF is still there.  Your prayers are answered, but your fears rise up for the stability of your pregnancy.  Your hope becomes reality, but yet you're apprehensive about sharing your joy with the IF community.  She is fully aware of others struggles.  The Lord came through for her, but while she waited, her heart was softened...in a way that only waiting on the Lord can do.

I understand, better, that so much lies in hope. It seems that people can survive almost anything, but not without hope. In all the wonderful blogs I visit, there seems to be one underlying message...hope. Hope endures.  If there is one thing that I can say to someone struggling with anything (reminding myself as well) is that the Lord knows your battle.  He placed it there.  He will get you through it, through His strength and grace alone. While you wait, pray for contentment. Always keep your hope alive, because He does want to grant you the desires of your heart...

Follow-up

First, thank you soo much for the encouragement and support...I know I say it all the time, but I'm more than grateful for my bloggy friends...this girl couldn't make it without ya'll!!  I'm finally getting a chance to follow up about my "new approach".  I went in for my first visit to go over everything and anything, and then a week and a half later (yesterday), I went in for my follow-up. 

After an "interview" of everything "female"...my new doc discovered that I had an estrogen dominance issue.  I went over a list of all the symptoms/markers for the ED issue (I gotta abbreviate it, it's a long one, but when I type ED it makes me think of erectile dysfunction for some insane reason, ha!).  To say that I had about 85% of the symptoms listed is kind of an understatement.  Shocker warning ahead...one of the big reasons he believes that it's an ED issue is because of my early onset of my period.  This is cuuuhhhrazy, but I started when I was EIGHT years old!  I know right?!  Just a little background story on that.  Who the heck talks to their eight y/o about puberty?  So when that went down, I was scared outta my mind...thought I was dying for obvious reasons!  Looking back now, all the drama was quite comical.  Basically, I have had about 30-45 more cycles than the average woman my age.  He explained that just the early onset alone signals an estrogen issue, not just the mere fact that I've had so many cycles for a 33 y/o woman.  Here is where my frustration lies...I inquired about the early onset to my gyno and RE, and they both brushed it off as no biggie.  I'm not saying that this is the entire problem, but clearly it signals that something is "off"!

He overwhelmed me (in a good way) with so much information regarding ED, supplements to assist it and my diet.  He explained that estrogen gets backed up in the liver, so I am on 3 supplements for liver cleansing, drops for uterine health and magnesium topical gel for anxiety (plus, magnesium deficiency is a symptom of ED and can lead to some nasty feelings of anxiety/depression).  Anxiety has been an issue for me for the past 3 years.  I was on Yaz birth control when I first got married, and had some major issues once I stopped it midcycle after a year of taking it...ever since then I have had this constant anxious personality.  I think the Yaz just contributed to my already existing issues...plus, surely ya'll have heard that Yaz is terrible anyways, hence the commercials and them pulling it off the market!  All in all, he thinks my anxiety is clearly hormonal related.

My doc seems soo full of great information and really sounds like he knows what he's talking about.  It's very interesting their view on things, as compared to conventional dr's.  He explained that the stuff that we are "fed" on TV and in society are so backwards to what we truly should be doing.  I can't even go over all the stuff, there was so much.  As far as nutrition, he is sending me an email today with a guideline that I should try and follow.  The top 3 things that I should avoid are gluten products (very hard apparently), artificial sweeteners and polyunsaturated fats.  The polyfats thing is just one example of one of the things that is being pushed right now to consume, but yet is not good for us.  It's really looking at things in a whole different way.  I'm really excited about this!!  Plus, taking a break for a few months will help with the stress tremendously!



A new approach

Let me preface this post by saying that I know the Lord has a specific and perfect plan for my life.  The last thing I want to do is sound hypocritical as a Christian.  I have had a few people tell me that maybe my own strong desire for a child isn't what the Lord has planned for me, and that maybe I should try and move on.  As a Christian, I am very aware that holding on to my own desires and trying to "control" them isn't going to make it happen.  It isn't what we are supposed to do.  We are supposed to bring it to the cross, leave it there and pray for God's will to be done.  For the most part, that is what I try and do.  I struggle with what I do try and control, all the "efforts" I put into trying to have a baby.  I've got to tell you, there is a very FINE line here.  A line that completely overwhelms me.  I have guilt that I'm not giving enough over to the Lord, that because I'm not, therefore I'm not getting my baby. Even before our first IUI, I asked my husband if we were doing the right thing...deep in my heart, I felt that we were "overriding" the Lord, so to speak.  My husband understood where I was coming from, but reminded me that the Lord created these amazing Dr's, with the wisdom and knowledge to help people like us.

Four IUI's later, we are at a place where we no longer want to pursue any more invasive procedures.  First, it's obviously not working and I physically just can't tolerate it, sometimes the hormones are just too much...I am very sensitive to it.  Second, we can't emotionally go through it anymore.  The roller coaster is like no other we've ever experienced.  And lastly, financially we are spent at this time.  I know there are women out there that are upwards of up to 60-70 thousand dollars in, and still no baby.  Words aren't enough for you, I can't even wrap my mind around that.  I pretty much refuse to do IVF because I can't imagine spending thousands of dollars and ending up not pregnant.  My heart literally breaks when I read these stories, enough to scare me right out of it...plus going back to not having enough money combined with the crazy hormones.

So, on to the title of this post...we are going to try something different.  I have read numerous stories about how naturopathic doctors can really facilitate the "infertile".  I feel good about going the "natural" path.  Basically, it's homeopathic remedies such as supplemental vitamins and a cleaner/healthier diet.  I've already had a brief consultation, which is going to be followed up by a couple very long appointments.  I don't have much to write about yet, because I haven't even had my "big" appointment yet.  In my consultation he was very encouraging about what he could do for me.  Apparently, it's all about getting down to the root of the problem instead of trying to "force" things, as he put it.  Plus, I believe it's an overall benefit for getting "balanced" in ALL areas.

So, this is where we are, and I will post after my appointment next week to let ya'll know how it goes.  I pray for all of my IF friends...that you are able to make peaceful decisions without the threat of guilt or anxiety.  That in His timing, you would have your perfect little blessing....


"Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

Pics..."Friday Family Fun Night"

Last summer we started this weekly "Friday Family Fun Night" with my hubs family.  We always enjoy coming together and relaxing from a long week!  Just wanted to share some pics...something a little more light hearted than the doom and gloom posts that I'm so good for lately, blaahhhh!!

                            Isn't he precious??  My hubs that is?  Yes, little Brayden is presh too ;)

                                                        Jeromy and his sweet little cousins

                                                                    Sweet Papaw!!

                                                               A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E

                                                          In deep thought apparently...

                                                 Enjoying my Friday nite adult beverage!!

                                                           My beautiful mother-in-law

                           Bwaahaaa, my sis-in-law really, I mean really enjoying her watermelon ;)

                                                                      Patti and I

                                                                     Sweet Charlie!!

        The guys...my bro-in-law, father-in-law, papaw-in-law and hubs....missing my other bro-in-law

  Us girls...MIL, me, sis-in-law, grandma-in-law and aunt-in-law....good law!!  Missing my other sweet SIL!

Oh boy, do I love this man!!!

Guarding your heart...

How is it possible to guard your heart from the pain of infertility??  The highs and lows. The countless pregnancy announcements from people that didn't even try, or try that hard.  The (unintentional) hurtful comments about how life without kids would be spectacular, or I can borrow their kids, or relax already, get drunk and go on vacay and it will happen then, maybe it's just not meant to be.  The cycles that seem to be getting more out of whack, even after a surgery that was supposed to "fix" the problem.  The hope that you hold onto so hard each cycle, slowly slipping away.  The crying fits with my husband that is supportive, but is growing weary himself.  The people that may (unintentional again) seem to have forgotten that you are still struggling emotionally and physically with your infertility.  The bold fact staring me in the face that we may not ever have a biological child....