How is it possible to guard your heart from the pain of infertility?? The highs and lows. The countless pregnancy announcements from people that didn't even try, or try that hard. The (unintentional) hurtful comments about how life without kids would be spectacular, or I can borrow their kids, or relax already, get drunk and go on vacay and it will happen then, maybe it's just not meant to be. The cycles that seem to be getting more out of whack, even after a surgery that was supposed to "fix" the problem. The hope that you hold onto so hard each cycle, slowly slipping away. The crying fits with my husband that is supportive, but is growing weary himself. The people that may (unintentional again) seem to have forgotten that you are still struggling emotionally and physically with your infertility. The bold fact staring me in the face that we may not ever have a biological child....
That's How You Know
1 week ago
16 Fabulous Comments:
Hey Lady! I was wondering when we would hear from you again. I have been thinking about you :)I know how heartbreaking this is. I haven't been at for nearly as long, but I know the heartbreak you feel each month. I also know there is nothing I can say, so I won't. Please just know that I am thinking about you...
I wish I had the answers for your sweetie. It doesn't seem like it will ever get easier and sometimes people think they are saying the right things and they come across very hurtful. I still think of you often and pray that you will be blessed with a child one day!!
I really feel this post. These are thoughts I struggle with daily. At times, there just doesn't seem to be any end in sight. But, we have to hang on to hope and pray that the rest of our story is about to unfold.
Thank you guys so much, makes my heart swell.
I am so sorry for your struggles Amy. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers!!
I will be praying that your miracle comes to you guys very soon. It is so hard to "keep the faith" and suffer infertility at the same time. Those people who make those comments simply have NO idea how hard it is. I'm afraid that it never gets easier, even after being pregnant. :-(
Hello,
I came apon your blog last week while looking for a little help myself in dealing with infertility and anxiety related matters. My husband and I have been trying for 4years as of this fall ... we were able to get pregnant last August ... exactly a year ago ... through IUI, but I miscarried at 8 weeks. Since, the journey has been filled with hope but also with SUCH great sadness and sorrow. I am thankful for my faith in God ... for the fact that I KNOW His plans for us are good (and they are for you guys too - you know that) and for the fact that Jesus is my strength through all of these struggles ... and my comfort. We are NOT alone and we have to remember that as difficult as this journey is, God does have a good plan in all of it. I think of this blog and the comfort it brought to me today ... knowing that others suffer from the challenges and heartache associated with infertility ... then I think about YOU and how He is using YOU to bring about that comfort through your blog. It is a priviledge for you to be used by Him this way ... do NOT give up hope ... He will reward you. Have faith in that fact knowing that He is good and that He loves you and that His heart aches for you as well. Once you get to the other side of this, you will praise His name and be able to do so with a clean heart knowing that you gave it all to Him who is able to ease your pain and carry your burden. These days are not easy but He will give you your hearts desire in HIS time ... and, if you are not meant to have your own biological children, then you have to trust that He WILL give you what you need ... whether that be a changed heart in regards to having biological children or an amazing blessing of adopted children ... or whatever it is ... if you lean into HIM ... if you KNOW HIM ... if you surrender this struggle to Him ... you have to know that HE will blow your socks off with His plan for your family and you will look back and know that His plans really far exceeded what your greatest hopes could ever possibly be. If you serach within your heart, you already know this to be true. I hope that these words and these truths will speak deeply into your heart and mind today and I feel priviledged to have been His love in your life through this post. (To be continued).
Hello,
I came across your blog last week when I was trying to find some comfort in regards to infertility and anxiety myself ... my husband and I have been trying to have children for four years this coming fall. This past August, exactly a year ago, I was able to get pregnant through IUI ... but I miscarried at 8 weeks ... since then the journey has been filled with both hope and great sadness and sorrow. I just wanted to remind you that He is near ... that His plans are good - all the time and that, in Him, there is always hope and peace awaiting you ... cry out to Him and trust in Jesus to heal your heart on those days when other people seem so insensitive. I too have struggled with EVERYTHING you wrote in this post today ... and some days I feel like it is TOO much to bare ... I get my back up, I feel resentful, I feel confused ... I feel fed up and then I remember the God I serve and the fact that He IS bigger than these emotions I feel ... that He is in charge and that He cares ... more than we can ever possibly understand. He wants me to be filled with His grace for others ... with His love for others and their blessings of little ones ... is this hard to do in my humanness? Um YEAH! But I find myself choosing to redirect my heart more and more often these days because I know God is using this struggle to mold me into the person He wants me to be ... filled with His love, His understanding, His grace and His patience. (to be continued)
His love for us surpasses all the fleeting emotions we feel in regards to infertility ... soak in that truth and know that you have the God of the universe on your side ... who better to be in charge, really? Give this ... all your struggles, all of your heartache, all of your pain, all of your confusion, all of your grief over to the God who can carry it all for you and bring you peace ... and forgive yourself as He forgives you when you do mess up and allow your heart to be consumed with negative emotions ... you are human afterall ... but you belong to a King that can help you to change your heart for others slowly one day at a time. A King who can teach you to be happy in HIM even when everything is not how you would like it to be. He is more than enough ... we are saved ... all the other stuff ... it's icing on the cake for sure ... but our greatest gift in this life is in our Saviour. When you see those bellies and automatically think, "it's not fair ... why can't that be me ... why does she get to have this and not me ... what did I do to deserve this cross in my life?" CHOOSE to change those thoughts with prayer for that unborn child, for his/her well being, for the mother and father who will have the challenge of rasing that child and CHOOSE to love through the fleeting emotions knowing that this unconditional love for God's children is pleasing to our Father in heaven ... HE is using this challenge in your life to change you ... for the better ... so in His strength rise above it, and just love ... have peace ... and call on Him when it is really hard knowing HE will take over when it becomes too much for you to bare. He promises that ... remind Him of that promise and then give it over and TRUST. Know that His blessings in your life are there because He loves you and wants you to be happy ... count those blessings and trust in Him to deal with this issue for you. Step forward in faith ... knowing that He already has it all sorted out for you. My Mother-in-Law had a plaque made for me with a quote she loves and it has spoken to my heart so clearly ... it reads, "God may be slow but He is never late". Let that truth sink into your soul ... things will happen in accorgance to His timing ... as humans, we have absolutely no control over that fact ... but we do have the gift of being able to come to Him a million times over to seek His comfort, grace, hope, patience and peace while we wait in "Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us," Eph 3:20. May God bless and comfort you as you rest in Him ... and thank YOU for being an instrument of his peace through the creation of this blog and the support it gives to us who are suffering with infertility.
Yours in Christian love,
M ~ xx
ps - sorry about the double comment at the beginning ... I didn't have a google account but made a point of creating one just so I could send you these messages ... it has been a priviledge to be His light in your life today. ~ xx
M-
Wow, thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. I feel almost speechless and close to tears.
I most certainly found strength, and a renewed hope in your message! The time you took and the message you shared with me spoke right to my heart, and I will go back to it time and time again.
I'm so sorry what you have gone through, I can't imagine that particular struggle with miscarriage after trying so incredibly hard.
Are we not so priveleged to know the Lord, to know that He alone can get us through this and His perfect will, will be done?? It's remembering that and trusting that, that can be very hard during such an incredible hardship. However, the hardships and valleys is what brings you to the mountain of God!
Thank you again, I will be praying for you. I wish you had a blog that I could follow you on your journey! Please keep in touch :)
I will definitely keep in touch, Amy ... He brings us together to support and lift one another up ... I'm totally committed to keeping in touch. I'll be checking back regularly. :)
glad to see you back. don't worry we haven't forgotten that you are struggling and never will. nothing can take away the pain and anquish. I have just learned it is a matter of finding out how to have peace-no matter where you can find you.
you are not alone and hope is always alive :) a family is closer than you think.
Hey Amy, I just wanted to say hi. The guarding of your heart thing is so hard. The not knowing just sucks. I wish there was something I could say to make it easier. Thinking about you.
This post really moved me and brought tears to my eyes. I have no idea what you are going through, but I will pray for you and your husband. I'm sure you've heard it before, but everything works out the way He intends it to happen. That is one of the hardest things to understand with our good Lord...sometimes we don't like His plan He laid out for us and a lot of the times we question "Why?!" but keep your head high. My sister-in-law went for 7 years of dealing with infertility and trying ot have a baby finally did the invetro route and were blessed with a little boy. It was a last resort, but she knows exactly what you are going through. She has said that even though it was hard, she just kept trusting in God and He led her down the path she was meant to go. Keep your head up, your prayers uplifting to Him and eventually you will be blessed with a beautiful baby. Whether your own or an adopted baby. I am adopted myself and I cannot tell you how happy my mom was to be able to call me her own daughter. You will be a wonderful mother! :) I will keep you and your hubby in my thoughts and prayers! Keep tryin' hard! ;)
Hello precious best friend. I am catching up on your blog and my heart is so heavy for you. I pray for your void to be filled and for you to have everything that you wish for. I love you and am here for you always.
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