Seriously...WHY???

I'm gonna make this short and sweet...not sweet, but short because I have GOT to get moving and run some errands today. 

I was supposed to start my period on Monday and when it didn't come, I naturally got a little excited.  Tuesday comes, nothing.  Wednesday, nothing.  Thursday, nothing.  I tested Wednesday night and got a faint positive..WOW, Thursday morning another faint positive... even bigger WOW!!  So, I called my RE and they asked me to come in for a blood test (this was yesterday).  Let me just throw in that when I was talking to the girl at the RE's office about the faint positives and how I was 3 days late (which I never am), she started to take my blood and said this "Oh, you're definitely pregnant"...insert even more giddy excitement here!!  Words could not even describe how ridiculously excited I was Thursday morning...I was OUT.OF.CONTROL!!  I went back to work after the blood test and shared the news with a couple girls that know my struggle...all we could do was giggle and act crazy.  HOURS later, I mean the longest hours of my life, I called my RE's office right when they came back from lunch.  I told her I couldn't wait anymore and I was curious if they had the results.  She placed me on hold and came back..."Amy I'm sorry the HCG levels aren't high enough, it's a negative".  I was soo short with her and got off QUICK!

Well, you know I've heard that before (like 19ish times), so I guess I expected it...but the higher your hopes, the harder the fall!!  I've never been that late, I've NEVER gotten a positive test...so, yea, I was pretty hopeful.  Well, about two hours later, the RE's office called me back.  Deborah just wanted to let me know that my Dr had a chance to look over my labs and it was his opinion that I certainly was pregnant, but unfortunately the little egg was unable to implant in my uterus....this is called a chemical pregnancy.  Another term would be a verry early miscarriage.  I almost even hate to use the word miscarriage, I feel like that does some injustice to women who truly experience heartbreaking miscarriages...but that is the term for chemical pregnancy :(  I think sweet little Deborah learned her lesson about saying "Oh, you're definitely pregnant"...I mean she works in an infertility clinic, probably not a good thing to say to someone, but she is the sweetest so I forgive her ;)  So, now I just wait for something...a period, a slight miscarriage...who knows??

Also, I learned a week ago during my annual pap that I might have endometriosis :(  I have several symptoms and indicators.  Kinda makes sense really, I just wish someone had mentioned this earlier!  So, I will be doing this lap surgery on February 25th in HIGH hopes that it will help my infertility...also a bonus that it will help my heavy and crampy cycles.  It's overwhelming knowing I will be having to have surgery, but also that it seems to be quite expensive :(  Anyone had this that can advise on any part of it??

I still feel like the most blessed and loved child of God!  He is amazing and has provided me with more strength and peace than I could ever imagine...truly a peace that surpasses all understanding.  Valleys aren't meant to be destinations, just a journey for a place of learning...thanks Charles Stanley!!