This is getting too "technical"...

Is what Jero said to me today after my Dr's appointment today.  It put my mind and heart into a tailspin of emotions.  I totally agree with him, actually.  I truly do NOT know how women can fight this battle for months or, better yet, years. 

I was told to call Dr J if I got my period.  Well, my cycle started Saturday, so Monday morning I called.  I was just expecting them to write me another script for the meds.  Not so.  I actually had to do another ultrasound.  My word, I didn't know this.  It was to ensure that I didn't have any cysts left over from my first round of meds...makes sense.  So, I went in and he proceeded to explain to me exactly when I ovulated last month.  I learned something very interesting, kinda basic, I'm surprised I didn't know it.  When a woman starts her cycle and then ovulates, it can vary from woman to woman...it can range anywhere from day 12 to any amount of time (I knew this).  However, once a woman ovulates, it is unvariably exactly 14 days later that a woman will begin her cycle.  With that, Dr J was able to determine exactly what day I ovulated. 

Armed with this interesting information, my mind began to do calculations from last month.  As I sat there with my feet in the stirrups, thinking that if I ovulated on Saturday (as Dr J confirmed), I can see where we probably missed the boat.  Last month when I went for my ultrasound and he did the calculations on my follicle, he told me that I would ovulate Sunday or Monday...which we now know was actually Saturday.  And this, my friends, is why it shouldn't be so "technical".  I'm totally grateful that there are these AMAZING resources to determine what our reproductive systems are up to, but it can be draining.  I'm already drained. 

It didn't really sink in until I called Jero after my appointment to discuss the calculations and what we can do "better" this time.  I found myself sounding a little bit, um, crazy.  I was talking a million miles a minute, and he was trying to keep up and actually encourage me...but I shot him down because what he was saying didn't make sense to me and I didn't want to hear it.  He will be out of town this month during my most fertile time, and I was so upset and trying to figure out how we would work it out.  He finally interrupted me and said "this is getting too technical".  I stopped right in my tracks.  It's very true. 

Let me just say this is not intended to be a "downer" post, just want to explain what we're doing :)  I've decided, no more meds.  Today with just the ultrasound and visit it was $200.  You have to do this twice a month, so that's $400 plus the $70 meds.  Aside from the cost, I would already like to take a little break.  I feel really bad for Jero and don't want to put too much stress on our marriage.  With his comment today, a lot flashed before me and I didn't like what I saw, or how I was acting.  I've read some disturbing stories about couples TTC and what it can do, I don't want to head in that direction.  So, at least for the next few months, we're going to enjoy spring and summer and just see what happens :)  We're certainly still trying, but I'm praying that I won't be so consumed with the exact calculations of ovulation and all the imaginary pregnancy symptoms that follow two weeks later.  We'll see.  I'm feeling really good about it!!  And I'll most definitely keep blogging...maybe about something other than TTC!