To test?

The joys of trying to conceive have become few and far between.  It's more like the stress of TTC, or the anxiety of TTC or the frustration of TTC.  However, I can find a little humor in it still.  I was reminded of this humor stumbling upon one of my TTC friend's blogs today.  A while back (maybe when I had more humor about the TTC journey) I posted a list of one liners "You Know You're TTC When:"  It really is soo funny and sooo darn true, almost depressingly true! 

I would say for at least the first nine months of trying, I was a home pregnancy tester FREAK (a serial POAS'er in TTC terms)!  I should most definitely have stock in these.  I've bought the cheap, the expensive and everything in between.  At five days out of getting my period I would start testing!  However, after sooo many negatives it did start to become too emotional and expensive, so I stopped.  I always buy them at the same place, Walgreens...it's convenient, it's on my way home from work.  Whenever I go check out, I always get the same cashier.  It's an older sweet lady.  She never misses a beat.  Every single time I check out she says "Awww, will this be your first?"  I just look at her and say "Yes, God willing".  She replies "Ooooh I bet you'll be a great mother, I hope you're pregnant".  Inevitably I go back in a few days after buying the HPT's and buy stupid tampons! 

So, I am itching to go to Walgreens after work today.  I am less than five days away from getting my period OR NOT getting it.  I keep wavering.  I'm a little crampy, different kinda crampy, but still crampy...and that has me in the dumps!  I'm not sure if I could endure another "Will this be your first?" or another negative pregnancy test.  I have felt no symptoms this month.  Problem is if I test too early it could show a false positive due to the HCG shot I had.  Apparently a test can show positive for like 12 days or something, from the shot?  Now that would be a cruel joke :(  Maybe I might just test to see something positive in all of this, even if it is false. 

Anyways, I am still hopeful, I probably sound a little negative but I think I'm just apprehensive is all.  I think I will buy some tests, maybe I won't see the sweet check out lady :)  I'll keep ya'll posted...I should know something this weekend!

And the wait begins...

So, my IUI went very smoothly!!  All the nerves were mostly in vain, as they ALWAYS are!  Seriously, it was painless.  I guess I had my HSG in my head and how that procedure was quite uncomfortable (for those that might stumble on my blog and haven't had an HSG, it was uncomfortable for ME, not for everyone) and I just figured the IUI would feel similar, but to my surprise I didn't feel a thing!  Praise God, because I am a BABY.  As most of my friends and family wonder...how will I actually have a baby because I am such a baby??  I bet it's worth it, don't ya think?

Dr H did an ultrasound before he began the procedure and told me that one of my follies "collapsed", so only one little eggie has a chance!  Sounds good to me.  Now I just have to wait TWO long weeks and monitor every little symptom I have...back to being crazy pants for a bit, yay!

So, I just figure positive thoughts produce positive results and faithful prayers can certainly produce miracles...that's what God is in the business of doing, right?

I've received so many amazing text msgs, email msgs and blog msgs from family and friends expressing their support, concern and love for us.  I'm so humbled by the thoughts and prayers that I have recieved, words can't even express my gratitude.  I (we) feel so loved and supported and that makes it sooo much easier!  It's amazing how one little text msg can bring so much joy!  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

Follie Check...double trouble ;)

As planned, I went in for my "follie" check this morning!  I have TWO almost mature follies!  Oh my!    I honestly didn't think that would happen.  I know...really silly.  I mean, I knew there was a possibility of having multiple follicles due to the fertility meds.  When I took my less stronger meds several months ago, I only had one mature follicle...so that's what I figured would happen again, but apparently with Clomid, higher chances of multiple follicles.  This only means a higher chance of getting pregnant, my doctor assured me the chance for twins is low...but in the same breath said it's always possible with more than one follicle, takes my breath away!  Hey, I'm just praying for one healthy swimmer to meet one healthy eggie and produce one healthy baby!!  The awesomeness (not sure if that's a word, pretty sure it's not) of conception is still not lost on me...especially now, through our struggle!  Is it not the most amazing thing God ever majestically designed??  WOW...

Something else Dr. H realized today is that I'm not "ready" for the IUI just yet.  I was tentatively scheduled for tomorrow morning, however the follicles are not quite mature yet.  I can't quite remember the measurements, but I believe they were 15 and 17 and they should be like 19 or something?  I was too busy being shocked at seeing two to focus on what he was saying!  Sooo...I will take one more ovulation test tomorrow morning and if it's positive I will do the IUI on Sunday morning.  If it's not positive I will have someone give me an HCG shot Saturday night and do the IUI Monday morning.  That someone might just be Jeromy.  I laughed when the nurse said Jeromy could give it to me...I replied "Um, yea, he probably won't do that!"  Shortly after I left I called Jero to laugh with him at the possibility of him actually giving me a shot in my butt...and he replied "Sure, I can do that!"  I said "Really, you could/would do that"?  "Of course" he said.  Sometimes I underestimate his wonderfulness (once again, not sure if it's a word)!!  I love that boy!!

I'll keep everyone posted on how it all goes down this weekend :)  Still asking for prayers please...

In the words of Chris Tomlin and Romans 8:31... "If our God is for us, than what can stand against?"

Faith, Hope and Hot Flashes...

Let's start with the latter word from my title...HOT FLASHES!!  I knew it was a side effect from the meds, but W.O.W!  I got a small glimpse of menopause and it ain't pretty...the heat starts at your toes and by the time it reaches your face, you're sweating and look like you're sporting a lovely sunburn!  I'm sure my body went from 98.6 degrees to 110 in less than 3 seconds!!  And...my husband would like to say I was a tad bit moody and quite emotional to boot!  Let me be clear...I'm not complaining, just explaining :)  Don't mess with a woman's hormones....just saying!

I'm still unsure why I'm anxious about doing the IUI on Saturday.  I'm not anxious about becoming pregnant, just the actual procedure...and the wait.  Also, the economy hit close to home recently, so we definitely don't have a shortage of things to pray about!  I'm reading a book right now that discusses the fact that the devil works diligently to gain strong holds (or mind traps) within our minds.  Placing doubts and fears that try and confuse us and separate us from our Lord.  I'm realizing how very easy it is to allow these "traps" to grow bigger and bigger.  Satan is a liar and I am praying for VICTORY over this...in Jesus' name!! 

I realize I don't always know what is going to happen or the outcome of the situation, but I do know that God's perfect love is reigning over us and it will always work out for our good!  Living in faith and hope right now.  Lots and lots of prayers going up.  And...the knowledge that we are living in God's miracle working realm....

The LORD is my light and my salvation—

whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

~Psalm 27:1

Pics from Ash's Bachelorette Party...

The uploading option for pics has changed since the last time I uploaded, which was a while ago!  These pics are so scattered and out of order!  I just wanted to post some pics from Ashley's (my sis-in-law) Bachelorette party at the beach!  I've gotta find some wedding pics too...but here's a few for now!  I LOVE ASHLEY!!

                                        

This is not Ashley, this is my friend Alison.  That would be the beautiful bride in the background giving the peace sign!



Results---------------------

The results from the FSH testing were good.  It was 5.5, anything below a 10 is good.  I thought this was a very important and informative test, so I'm way happy with the results!  I've got some eggies left!!!!

IUI update...

So, of course I started my cycle right on cue this month :(  But,  I have my "back up plan", so I'm at ease...for now!  I went in today for my "day 3" blood test to check my egg reserve, I should get the results tomorrow and I'm so anxious to hear them.  I will update with a quick little post tomorrow with the results.  I was told today that anything below a "10" is a good/positive result, so we'll see!

Dr. H had told me in my last appointment that he wanted to do an ultrasound just to see for himself what, if anything, was going on with my baby making stuff.  Dr. J (my Ob-gyn) has already done three on me in the past few months and never said he saw anything of concern.  So during my ultrasound today, Dr. H found two uterine fibroid cysts.  He asked me if Dr. J had ever mentioned them before, and of course, he hadn't.  Just a side note: I have been extremely disappointed with Dr. J in the past for things he disregarded as trivial, things he overlooked and inappropriate things he has said (not dirty inappropriate, just disrespectful and hurtful comments).  Sooo, something else that I'm frustrated about is the fact that Dr. J didn't either notice or just didn't mention these.  Side effects of having these cysts (not to be confused with ovarian cysts) is heavy, long and painful periods.  I have spoken to Dr. J about this recent problem.  I have never had heavy, long or painful periods as long as I can remember.  However, basically just since we started TTC my cycles got this way.  Dr. J said stuff like that just happens sometimes...maybe it could be cysts??  I'm not going to dwell on it, but this is something that could have easily been preventing us from becoming pregnant. 

Dr. H still wants to proceed with the IUI because he doesn't feel that the cysts are big enough to interfere with the procedure.  Furthermore, I'm game too because my body can put up all the road blocks it wants, but the Lord performs miracles everyday and I'm a believer!!!!

So, I start my meds on Wednesday thru Sunday.  I go in next Friday for another ultrasound, and if that looks good we'll be doing the IUI on that Saturday or Sunday.  Just wanted to give an update and we're asking humbly for your prayers.  This is a NERVE racking journey full of a ton of fears, for me anyways.  I'm off the charts with excitement about doing this and the potential AMAZING outcome of it...but the excitement, at this point, is still somewhat overshadowed with anxiety.  Prayers for Jeromy's continued love and support to sustain us through this would be appreciated....as I know it can be frustrating for him to "deal" with me in all of this (I can be difficult, as hard as it is to believe that ;) )

Thank you in advance for the prayers, positive thoughts and support through this journey :)  It means sooo much to us!!