I have a God-given dream to have a baby. The Lord put the desire in my heart a long time ago to be a mother. If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time, you know the struggle I am going through and certainly know how very badly I want a child. I get very upset every time a cycle ends and I haven't gotten pregnant. I don't understand why it hasn't happened. I've gone through all types of scenarios in my mind as to what could be causing this infertility...and boy have I come up with a plethora of reasons, all because of Dr. Google <----by the way I don't like Dr. Google. I just get soo frustrated!! All the "why me's" and all the horrible feelings of jealousy and bitterness are sometimes just too overwhelming. I wonder why other people seem so much more blessed than me in that area....that's where the "why me" comes in.
But then...I hear God's word and I'm reminded about my God-given dream. I LOVE when I am in need of hearing something that will speak right to my heart, and then there it is...God speaking right through a guest pastor tonight at church. Words so powerful, a perspective so clear that you KNOW God is present and powerful in your life. What I know is that if it took this journey for me to realize that I am not in control, than I'm OK with that. I'm OK with the fact that I have been sooo humbled by this process...so humbled that I will continue to worship and serve our great Lord, even if I'm not blessed with a biological child. I have to remember that I am not worshiping God's activities, I'm worshiping His identity, our guest Pastor hit the nail on the head here.
It's very hard when we want something so bad, to not pray in that way. I want so badly to just seek Him and not what I think He can bless me with. I AM so blessed though. I'm sooo soooo thankful for my salvation and what Jesus did on the cross for us...isn't that enough to be blessed with?? Everything in my life was given to me from our Lord, it's not mine, and I have been given so much. In the face of disappointment, pain, loss I will always worship our Lord NO.MATTER.WHAT. I will not compromise my God-given values just to have my God-given dream...
Sunday, November 21, 2010
God-Given Dream
Posted by amy at 6:38 PM
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4 Fabulous Comments:
You are such a sweet woman Amy and you deserve to have everything that you want out of life! I just read your most recent comments on my blog and they really touched my heart.
We don't even know each other personally and yet, you find a way to encourage me in my struggles despite all that is going on in your life. The quality of your heart is so evident in everything that you write. You are going to make such a fiercely loving mother to a beautiful baby someday. Somehow, someway, your God-given dream will become a reality.
I know you have faith in that. Your faith is also evident in all that you write. Keep writing and keep fighting because all of that will come back to you tenfold.
And take comfort in knowing that there are so many people on "Team Amy."
Can't wait for your next update :)
Pete Wilson. Wonderful guest speaker. I wish Damion had been there! That's my one prayer - Please God, let Damion come to church. He can not do this alone.
Your God-given dream will come, Amy. The timing just isn't right. And anyway, you need a house first! Let's hear about that :)
I just wanted to say...Great Post!!! I was listening to the song "While I'm waiting" the other day and I thought of you. Thank you for your transparency (sp?).
P.S. The song on your blog is my new favorite song.
I love it when it feels like the world just stops and God is speaking right to you. Such a great reminder that He is there and hearing you cry out, even if he isn't blessing you in the exact way you've been praying for.
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