Let me preface this post by saying that I know the Lord has a specific and perfect plan for my life. The last thing I want to do is sound hypocritical as a Christian. I have had a few people tell me that maybe my own strong desire for a child isn't what the Lord has planned for me, and that maybe I should try and move on. As a Christian, I am very aware that holding on to my own desires and trying to "control" them isn't going to make it happen. It isn't what we are supposed to do. We are supposed to bring it to the cross, leave it there and pray for God's will to be done. For the most part, that is what I try and do. I struggle with what I do try and control, all the "efforts" I put into trying to have a baby. I've got to tell you, there is a very FINE line here. A line that completely overwhelms me. I have guilt that I'm not giving enough over to the Lord, that because I'm not, therefore I'm not getting my baby. Even before our first IUI, I asked my husband if we were doing the right thing...deep in my heart, I felt that we were "overriding" the Lord, so to speak. My husband understood where I was coming from, but reminded me that the Lord created these amazing Dr's, with the wisdom and knowledge to help people like us.
Four IUI's later, we are at a place where we no longer want to pursue any more invasive procedures. First, it's obviously not working and I physically just can't tolerate it, sometimes the hormones are just too much...I am very sensitive to it. Second, we can't emotionally go through it anymore. The roller coaster is like no other we've ever experienced. And lastly, financially we are spent at this time. I know there are women out there that are upwards of up to 60-70 thousand dollars in, and still no baby. Words aren't enough for you, I can't even wrap my mind around that. I pretty much refuse to do IVF because I can't imagine spending thousands of dollars and ending up not pregnant. My heart literally breaks when I read these stories, enough to scare me right out of it...plus going back to not having enough money combined with the crazy hormones.
So, on to the title of this post...we are going to try something different. I have read numerous stories about how naturopathic doctors can really facilitate the "infertile". I feel good about going the "natural" path. Basically, it's homeopathic remedies such as supplemental vitamins and a cleaner/healthier diet. I've already had a brief consultation, which is going to be followed up by a couple very long appointments. I don't have much to write about yet, because I haven't even had my "big" appointment yet. In my consultation he was very encouraging about what he could do for me. Apparently, it's all about getting down to the root of the problem instead of trying to "force" things, as he put it. Plus, I believe it's an overall benefit for getting "balanced" in ALL areas.
So, this is where we are, and I will post after my appointment next week to let ya'll know how it goes. I pray for all of my IF friends...that you are able to make peaceful decisions without the threat of guilt or anxiety. That in His timing, you would have your perfect little blessing....
"Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7
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