I'm BAAAAAACK!!!

Yes, all of my faithful readers (all two or three of you), I'm BAAACK!  I've been sooo busy, preoccupied, ok LAZY!  Lazy and mostly boring.  In the past several months we have tried to sell our townhome unsuccessfully, it's now rented.  We have moved in with Patti (Jero's mom).  We will be here until we find something or actually build.  I'm thankful to be here.  Most importantly, and the reason I am trying to revive my blog...we have been trying unsuccessfully to have a baby for nine months.  Nine weeks, nine months or nine years of trying without the fortune of seeing that desired BIG FAT POSITIVE will take it's toll on anyone physically and emotionally!!!  That would be a "BFP" in baby making terminology...will explain all the terms later ;)

What happens when your dreams are at your fingertips, but other factors are keeping them from happening? Very simple factors, like the dynamics of our reproductive systems...HA, simple, yea right! The process of getting one mature egg fertilized with ONE healthy, ambitious little swimming sperm is an intricate undertaking...wouldn't you say??? It's an amazing, majestic process of the Genesis of life...that is not really within my realm of understanding!

For some it happens as simple as passing in the dark, for others, not so much. My heart aches for women that have tried and continue to try year after year to create life, to hold a tiny baby in their arms, to pass on the love that fills their hearts to the brim. I can't fathom trying for years to fulfill that dream. However, I do have that dream, I've always had it...I wanted to be a mother since owning my very first baby doll (it was called "Baby Alive", and I creatively called it "Baby Don't Die")! Reading back on my diary from elementary and middle school, I was reminded of that. I was reminded in my own writing that I wanted SIX children, I wanted to be a mom above and beyond most anything else that seemed to catch my attention at the time. Some dreams change, some don't...um, let's say I do NOT desire to have SIX children, but I wholeheartedly want to be a mother.

What is my point in all this? I have been trying to concieve for nine months now.  I want a baby, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish. My family and close friends know this, it's not top secret around here. I'm a pretty open person, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I will tell you my deepest darkest secrets (well, they're not THAT deep and dark), I will tell you how much I make an hour (pretty comical, that hourly rate), I will tell you anything! I'm not the most private person in the world...however, I definitley use discretion and try to use good judgement. I've been debating on whether I wanted to blog to the world (or a few random people that drop by) about it!? Should I just keep it a family matter or pour my heart out on a blog that is my own and share how I feel with others? I choose the latter....I want to share my journey!

I've got lots to share, lots to pray over, many to pray for in this same journey of mine...



Heavenly Father, thank you for all the blessings in my life, they are countless.
All of my life I have dreamt of being a mother,
of raising children with loving hearts,
to do your will on this earth.

Teach me how to patiently wait on you father,
Strengthen me to never grow weary.
I know that through you all things are possible.



Amen