Decisions and hopefully great outcomes...

At this point in TTC (trying to conceive...I will probably use this term a lot, get used to it) we had a couple options to choose from.  As I said a couple posts back, we could choose to do an HSG right off or try meds for three months then do an HSG if the meds didn't work.  Neither option is appealing, but we definitely wanted to do something!

I chose to start with the meds.  Well, the HSG is $500 and isn't covered by most insurances...hmmm, money or mood swings, TOUGH CHOICE!  Somehow, the moodswings sounded better cheaper...oh, but they come with a price too ;)  Dr J wrote me a script for the five pills to be taken on cycle days 5-9, which like I said before, allows me to grow bigger and better eggies.

So, here I am on my ninth cycle, having taken those five pills.  It's amazing how much hope lies in those five little pills.  I have hope and lots and lots of faith.  They weren't too terrible to me.  I mostly had yucky yucky  headaches that just nauseated me, along with tiredness...DH Jero would tell you that I most definitely had mood swings, who me?!  I can deal with the headaches, tiredness and all that came with it...not complaining!

(Btw, if at ANY time this becomes TMI, you can stop reading...after several months of keeping it just between a few people, it feels good to blog about it here.)

 A "cycle" for a woman is generally 28-30 days long...I fall in that range.  Women generally ovulate around day 14ish...I ovulate much later it seems (like day 17-20), another reason I took the meds.  Also, on the meds you must have an ultrasound done, somewhere between CD(cycle day)12-14...to check your follicles (what holds the egg before ovulation), measuring how big they are.  The size doesn't matter much to me, he measured it and said it looked to be a nice big size!!  Yay for my follies! 

In the past few posts, I have caught you guys up on where we are in this journey, the choices we've made, and the dreams we hope for.  In a couple days I will begin what we TTCers like to call the 2WW (two week wait).  I've done this emotional 2WW a few times now.  I've become not only a SERIAL googler on pregnancy symptoms, but I've become a SERIAL POASer (pee on a stick).  It becomes quite comical really.  It's ok, I believe I'm not crazy because all my sweet TTC cyber friends do it too.  I mean, about one week into the 2WW I'm constantly:

~Touching my boobs looking for tenderness (this can look a little wierd when doing it in public)

~Wondering why I'm peeing so much, that little bean is pressing on my bladder I bet (I just like to drink a lot of water)

~Thinking that if I'm hungry I MUST be pregnant (nope, I just have to eat several times a day b/c I'm a little piggy)

~Pondering on why I'm so gassy, maybe it's that little baby snuggling in for a long stay (um, nope again, YOU were gassy coming out of the womb, I remind myself)

~Thinking how tired I am ALL the time, my body must be working OVERTIME because I'm newly pregnant (yea right girl, you stay tired pregnant or not)

~Excited because I feel the littlest bit nauseas, now I just KNOW I'm pregnant (try again, it's your nerves because your stressing about all of the above...now it's time for a visit from Aunt Flow...try, try again)

See how crazy it can make someone!!  I fear for my sanity if I have to do this much longer.  My friend that finally got pregnant after six years confessed to me the other day that she felt like she was getting really obsessed with it and becoming depressed (but, she did stay faithful and reliant on the Lord I must say).  I'm certainly not to that point (well, you might say different after reading all of my imaginary pregnancy symptoms), but it does go very deep.  I honestly don't think I've yearned for something so bad in my life.  I'm still trying to remain patient on the Lord.  It's so hard to want something and pray in a self serving way, but in the same breath pray that this will happen in His timing...I need help on this.  I also struggle with the fact that I write this blog like I've been TTC for many years.  I don't ever want it to become that way, or be construed that way.  I guess I just thought it would happen right away, like most couples do.  It's hit me a little hard that it didn't happen sooner, and that I'd have to do meds or even more to make this happen.  In church on Sunday, my awesome pastor was speaking about being faithful and worshipping the Lord.  He spoke about people going through trials and we change through them, but the Lord is unchanging.  We can be complainers or we can be worshippers...it's how we deal with heartache, let downs, tribulations, illness that speaks to how big our God really is.  I believe He is a big, unchanging, passionate, loving, gracious God.  I write here, hopefully not to complain, but to pour my heart out and to praise Him because I KNOW there is a bigger meaning to this "wait". 

Psalm 27:14

Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

I'll be back to post all of my imaginary pregnancy symptoms this month, maybe just maybe, they won't be imaginary ;)

P.S. I can't seem to find the spell check on here...help?  Maybe all my words are spelled correctly, that would be nice, I did win a lot of spelling bees back in the day!