Mother's Day...

Mother's Day is particularly hard for me.  It's, of course, a reminder of my mom that I lost almost nine years ago...wow, can't believe it's been nine years!  I find that I'm more upset on Mother's Day than I am on her birthday for some reason.  Probably because there is such a focus on mother's all day long, whereas her birthday, nobody really even knows that her birthday has come and gone.

I always wonder how different my life would be if she were still here.  So many things.  Like how she would have LOVED LOVED my husband...and he would have LOVED her too.  She was one of those types of people that everyone just adored.  So sweet and generous of her love and time.  I didn't have one friend or boyfriend that didn't adore her.  She gave and sacrificed so much for my sister and I as well, and I'll tell you I do NOT do nearly enough to honor her memory :(

And then, there's my infertility...which always makes me think of my mom.  How supportive she would have been...and how broken hearted she would be for me at this time.  Could I handle it better if she were around??  I think, maybe I could.  Having a mother like I had was always the driving force behind my desire to have children. I've always wanted a child to pass on all the love she showed me. She knew how bad I wanted to be a mother one day, and she always reminded me how badly she could not wait for me to have a child...although nine years ago it wasn't even on the radar yet.  It always pleases my heart to know that she did get to be a grandmother for a short while though.  My sister had a daughter whom my mother was attached to.  She was three when my mom died, and to this day my niece still talks about her.  When she was younger she would ask how she can get up to heaven to see her Grammy again.  Now at twelve, she just expresses how she misses her and wishes she was still here.  My sister and I do a good job of reminding her how much her Grammy loved her.  My sister was also pregnant with my nephew when she died...talk about stress during pregnancy, but she did great and my nephew turned out perfect ;)

I know Mother's Day is hard for women struggling with infertility.  The reminders are EVERYWHERE!!  I'm on your side and I want my IF friends to know that I pray for you almost daily!!  It's even hard for the infertile to find the right words for the infertile (lol)...however, please try and find some peace this Mother's Day and know that your day is coming, no matter which avenue you choose.  As for me, I have a funny feeling my mom is up in heaven petitioning for me in her own little way ;)

Happy Mother's Day to all those blessed mama's out there :)