Photo dump...Jaxon Dean

I'm terrible.  I get so frustrated with people that do not update their blogs after having baby, now I know why!  Life is hectic, it's busy.  Life for me, has been amazing with Jaxon...a love I never even knew existed, trite to say, but so true!!  I'm so in love.  Life in other areas has been hard, really really hard...I can't go into detail now or here, maybe one day I will.  I don't even have time for a birth story, other than to say it was HARD stuff!  He was born at 8:05pm on July 21st after days of labor and 2 1/2 hours of pushing...ROUGH!  I can't even put into words the pure JOY this little boy has brought into my life...he is my everything.  So, here are a bunch of pics...I'm gonna try and post them in age order.  Ok, well I was trying to go in age order, but I did it backwards and out of order and I really don't want to re-do it :)  So here's a few pics!  Hope all my sweet followers and friends are doing awesome!!  XOXO

Bumpin'

Of course I'm doing terrible at any type of update....shocking, I know!  I do hate when people don't follow up, especially after an infertility journey and they become pregnant.  So far my pregnancy has been going FANTASTIC...it's been a dream :)  Full of lots of kicks, hiccups and twirls letting me know he's definitely going to be a busy body!  We canNOT wait to meet this little guy!  I constantly pray for his health, well being, safety and a swift and easy labor for both of us.  I'm still the little worrier, not sure that will ever change.  I try not to get consumed with thoughts of labor and all the "what if's"....I'm replacing any of those worrisome thoughts with thoughts of an easy and quick labor and delivery!!  Positive affirmations, positive thoughts and lots of prayer :)  This is going to sound crazy, but if anyone watches the Kardashians...I remember seeing Kourtney birth both of her babies so easily and quickly and with so much joy....that's what I am envisioning!!  I'm trying to get those horrid thoughts of screaming, devilish mothers out of my mind LOL.  Anyhow, here are some bump pics!  I've been terrible at taking them, crazy for someone that dreamed of this for so long.

Here is my 5 month bump pic

Here I am at 6 1/2 months (took this yesterday)

In these pics I don't look too different, but trust me I def grew from 5 months to 6 1/2!  I'll be in my 3rd trimester in 2 weeks, eeek!!  In a way it's flying by, in a way it's not.  I'll be back for more updates....hopefully sooner than later!  I'm getting a 3D/4D u/s in a few weeks, so I will def post those :)

 XOXOXO

IT'S A.....

We found out a little early what we're having (17 weeks)!  We didn't try for over 3 years to wait another 3 weeks to find out, so we paid a little extra at a place that does early ultrasounds :)  We are having a BOY!! And, BOY, are we happy and IN LOVE!  Our u/s tech took some extra time with us and we got to watch this boy move all over the place (probably the loaded sugary lemonade that I drank helped with that), and yes I can feel him now, been able to for a week and it's the BEST feeling EVER!!.  He was flipping around like crazy and giving us money shots that were awesome, no doubt he's a boy!  I got several pics, but only have one on my computer...

Here is our sweet baby Jaxon Dean :)  My husband LOVESSS the name Jaxon, as do I, and Dean will be after my sweet Grandpa.  Hopefully you can make out what you're looking at, I learned not everyone can distinguish u/s pics like others can.  We have our OB gender scan in two weeks, where they will do all of the official measuring and whatnot...can't wait to see him again!!  Thank you, again, for all of the love and support of finally getting to this blessed place in our lives!!  We are so grateful and blessed with this sweet baby boy of ours :)

12 weeks!!!

Finally making it out of my first trimester...that's BIG stuff :)  Although, I know 14 weeks is technically the end...I'm sticking with 12, just because I can!  I'm feeling more relief now, however, I'd still like to hear the heartbeat again...like yesterday!!  Sometimes I still wonder if everything is going ok in there, but I'm just trusting in the Lord that it is!

Not much has been going on, just growing a little belly...you know, the one that you kinda just look chubby and not pregnant quite yet!  Nothing fits anymore and I wear leggings like every.single.day.  I'm a little too small to buy the full on maternity pants, but too big for my regular pants.  Here is a pic of my growing belly.  The left was taken the day I found I was pregnant (4 weeks), and the right was taken at 12 weeks (Wednesday)...

My last ultrasound was at 10 weeks, and our little guy looked more and more like a baby, so sweet!  Baby was growing 4 days ahead, which is better than behind...at least for my anxiety ;)  Here is the most recent ultrasound picture...

We are totally feeling boy, I will actually be shocked if it's a girl...I am that convinced!  We will, of course, take either as long as it's HEALTHY!!!  I really thought once I was pregnant I would blog much more often, and do all those fun "bumpdate" posts that people do on the regular.  I feel kind of withdrawn from blogging a bit, not sure why.  I will work on doing more posts, but as most mama's know esp at this stage, there isn't too much to talk about it.  This blog had become an exclusive infertility blog, I never really blogged about anything else...and I'm still at a loss as to what to write about besides baby, lol.  Speaking of infertility, I haven't really even talked about or acknowledged it since I became pregnant.  Well, let me be clear to anyone that is currently struggling or has struggled with IF...it STILL stings, it's mark will always and forever be ingrained in my mind and in my heart.  For the rest of this pregnancy I will probably continue to be apprehensive and nervous.  Something that is so wanted, so tried for, for so long will make you feel that way.  I was reminded this week of the awfulness of infertility when someone very close to me made a comment that took my breath away, in a hurtful way.  I know it wasn't intended the way it came out, but it hurt nonetheless and literally pulled every awful emotion of what we went through, to the surface.  I realized at that moment, that even though there is a baby inside me, some people will still see me as infertile and see that this baby was conceived in a non-traditional way...and they remember that, ouch.  Don't get me wrong, I fully embrace that we endured IVF...I just don't want anyone to view this baby differently because he/she wasn't conceived in our bedroom.  As frustrating and hurtful as the comment was, I love this person sooo much and I know it didn't come from a bad place...it was just a reminder of my IF.  

All is well with us, and my husband started a new job this week!!  Something that we honestly weren't even looking for or praying about, but WOW, what an opportunity that kinda fell in his lap.  We are both so incredibly excited about this great opportunity that couldn't have come at a better time!  The Lord has an amazing plan for each of us, even if we aren't out there seeking it.  He is so good and so full of blessings...we felt blessed before this baby, we felt blessed before this new job...but wow, we are so undeserving.  Last Sunday in church we went over this verse :For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11  

2nd Ultrasound (oh, my creative titles!)

Yay for a second ultrasound!  I feel privileged to have been able to see our baby two times already, that's what doing IVF will do for you :)  The week leading up to the second u/s was a little stressful because my expectations of pregnancy weren't fulfilled (ha).  Like right after the first u/s I was feeling a little queasy, extra tired and some other little symptoms.  However, a few days later (like a week before the second u/s) they stopped completely.  I got energy back, no more nausea, nothing!  I was worried all week.  I talked to moms about it and was reassured that everyone is different and that I was just fine.  I just hated having no symptoms.  YES, I actually want to be nauseous and tired...it helps me :)  Sooo, I got my wish!  The day before my second u/s I woke up with the worst nausea...and it stayed all day and all night and has pretty much been like that since...YAY!  The only problem now is I like to eat when I'm nauseous, wierd, I know....and I'm def eating and eating and eating some more.  I know most people, when nauseous, can't even look at food, yea I don't have that problem.  I have zero food aversions, my only problem is after I eat, sometimes I get even more nauseous...and if I get nauseous after I eat, I can't stand to look at that particular food again.  I don't really have any crazy cravings, just digging any type of salad and any and all chips...can't get enough chips and dip (not so healthy)!  Everything else has been going great.  Just trying to enjoy this pregnancy and push any apprehension and fears away, I'm such a worrier!

The ultrasound went really great!  Our little guy/gal more than doubled in size it seemed!  You could see little arms starting to form and it's sweet little head and body...we are in LOVE!  Heart rate was really up there at 184 bpm.  Of course I was questioning why so high.  I learned that between 8-10 weeks the babies HB is at it's highest, and then evens out around week 12.  Here's a pic of our sweet little babe :)

We were released from our RE's office and have an appointment next week with our OB, yay!!  Maybe he will do ANOTHER u/s, oh I hope!  It's starting to feel a bit more real now, still kinda surreal though.  Thank you for all of the beautiful comments/texts/messages...they warm my heart and soul, truly.  Here is a pic the secretary took of us to put on their website.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention some other things going on.  First, the shooting in CT.  I haven't stopped crying over those poor little babies.  I, as many others, can't even put into words how I feel about it.  I do feel like we live in a fallen world, and sin is greater now than ever.  All I can do is get on my knees and pray for this world, and for those families that can no longer hug their sweet babies. 

Today marks 10 years that my mom left this world and went to heaven.  It's still heartbreaking.  Especially now that I'm pregnant, and I know she would have loved this time.  I have so many amazing memories to carry me through though, and I know I will see her again...and let me tell you, I can not wait for that beautiful day :)  She was a beautiful woman inside and out and will always be remembered and loved so much!



First ultrasound

Once again, I'm sorry to be so late on the update!  I feel like I start all of my posts this way...I'm a terrible blogger! 

We finally had our ultrasound on Tuesday...that was the looongest wait ever!!  I was so incredibly nervous the night before, the morning of and all the waiting we did in the waiting room and then in the u/s room.  I was sick to my stomach.  I don't think I've ever been that nervous.  I was nervous about what we might see or what we might not see.  I have continued to pray that the Lord would give us whatever He saw fit, and whatever He thought I/we could handle.  Even though we willingly put two embryos in, we became very nervous about carrying and having twins.  I never once prayed for it to only be one...I couldn't fathom praying that other perfect, beautiful embryo away. 

As my husband, being the ever cool as a cucumber type guy he is, tried to carry on general conversation with me all morning...I kept snapping at him "STOP talking to me".  He's in the waiting room looking at a GQ magazine and talking about the coolest cuff links that are in style....WHAT??  I wasn't sure how he could even focus?!  After a good while, we finally get called back....only to sit in the u/s room for what seemed like an eternity.  My sweet dr came in and talked to us for a minute and then started with the u/s on the outside of my abdomen.  As soon as the screen popped up and I could see one sweet little sac, I just melted.  My nerves calmed immediately and I just smiled.  He couldn't see too much with that one, so it was time for the wand.  He first measured my ovaries and then squared in on the little babe :) The one little babe.  He did some measurements of my uterus, yolk sac and then the baby.  Everything was measuring exactly on track...what a relief!!  Then we were able to hear the heartbeat....wow, what a beautiful thing :))))  It was a perfect 140.  I couldn't have been more relieved or happier than that moment right there.

I've been doing nothing but thanking and praising God for this MIRACLE.  It most definitely has not sunk in yet.  Of course I'm still a bit on edge, just staying prayerful that our little babe stays put for a good while.  I know it's the infertile part of me that fears the worst, and also the worrier in me too :(  I know it's in God's hands, and all I can do is rest in that.  Our next ultrasound is Dec. 18th and I canNOT wait.  Some days I feel worse than others as far as symptoms go, but the days I feel better always scare me...so I look forward to anytime I can see our baby :)  

I will be back to update...hopefully sooner than later!!  Thank you guys soo much for the love :) xoxoxo

Beta #3

Just wanted to give a quick update on how my blood test went last Friday.  Surprisingly it came back so much higher than I ever expected at 6,617 (18dp5dt)!!  I was just praying for a number of about 3,000, so we were pleasantly surprised!!  Just another hurdle we have overcome and just another reason to praise God!!!!  We have our first ultrasound next Tuesday, Dec 4th...I'll definitely be back to update after the ultrasound :) Thank you for all of the congrats...just reading them is so surreal!!!