It's been a little bit since I posted. I'm totally enjoying the beautiful weather and soaking it up! With the winter we had, this weather is just heaven sent and such a great mood lifter. Spring really brings newness. A new start, new thoughts, new feelings and new hope.
I'm still sticking to the plan of having no plan, or better yet, following His plan. Even though we just started meds, for the past nine months I have tried to over control the process...planning out each and every month. So, this having no plan plan feels wonderful! It's like a HUGE weight is lifted! My whole attitude has changed. I want to enjoy the next several months and see what happens. Really putting it in God's hands, for real this time. Easier said than done because I haven't truly been doing that, it's hard when you're TTC!
I've got some fun trips coming up the next few months, so hopefully lots to blog about!
2 Fabulous Comments:
Hi Amy!
Thank you for your encouraging words over on Anxiety Girl. It's so nice to hear from others who share this small negative personality trait :-).
I wanted to also share with you my stuggle with infertility. It took us 2 years to concieve. That was a real blow to my "plan". I had every test the specialist could run and took 3 cycles of clomid (clo"mood"). I charted my morning basal body temps and cervical fluid (I know probably TMI). It was too much! It really takes a toll on you. This time in my life was so hard but I learned so much. The Lord is so faithful to use these moments of weakness and suffering to strengthen us. We are made with such a void that can only be filled by Him. Not husbands or friends or even children (as wonderful as they all are).
I woke up in the midle of the night one night and felt The Lord saying to me, "Your womb is not yours but mine." I realized then that He had a story for my life. A story that would bring Him glory and who was I to get in the way with all my planning. Maybe I would have kids (that was MY hope) but maybe I wouldn't. Either way it wasn't up to me.
I threw everything in the trash. The thermometer, the charts the clomid and the scheduled sex. I was finally (after 2 years) able to rest and surrender my control to The Lord. I got pregnant the next month!
I know your journey and your story is different than mine but I have found such strength and encouragement in other peoples stries so I thought I would share mine.
I wish you all the best.
Ashley
Ashley, thank you for leaving such a sweet and encouraging comment. As you know, it's so hard to let this grip go...and I realize the more I hold on to it or try to control, it won't happen.
I do believe this is definitely a teaching moment for me...learning how to trust Him and His will for me. Faith, it's a hard thing b/c it's not visible or tangible, but it's all I have and thank God for it! "Your womb is not yours, but mine"...wow, how true that is, I needed to hear that :) I'm sorry you went through the same struggle, but I'm so happy for you with your three beautiful children! It always helps when others can share their same experience with me (different, but the same).
I need to update my blog, it just takes a certain energy to write about it and right now I don't have it. I did do an HSG last week and that was kinda torturous, but it was all clear and now I just gotta pray and be patient :)
I hope you start up a blog, I'd love to keep up with you!
Blessings :)
Amy
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