*IF* I do get pregnant this month....

it certainly won't be because of a successful IUI :(  So, when I called the RE's office last week to talk about my impromptu IUI, she explained that when I get a positive OPK to call them.  Wellll, I got one Monday (or so it looked that way) and tried to call them and they were closed...she failed to tell me they would be closed!  Basically, my only option was to go ahead and go on in Tuesday morning and do the IUI.  Long story short, it was wayyy to soon...but this resulted in my understanding of a slight "issue" I might have.  We went ahead and did the IUI because I had the "goods" and didn't want to waste them.


I went in on CD16 and my follicles were only a 13 and a 14.  He said I probably wouldn't even ovulate until like Thursday or Friday, which would be CD18 or 19.  I've had a sneaky suspicion that I ovulate late, but didn't realize what a problem that actually can be!  Basically if your "luteal phase" isn't roughly about 12+ days long, it can be very hard to conceive.  The luteal phase starts the day that you ovulate until the day you get your period.  If an egg gets fertilized it needs time to travel to the uterus and get implanted...if the egg doesn't make it in time, your menstruation begins and flushes out the egg EVEN IF IT WAS FERTILIZED :(  It makes total sense to me.  I read that women with this issue can and do conceive, it just doesn't make it in time to the uterus.  My cycle length is generally 29-30 (no more, no less) days and if I ovulate around CD19, that is giving the egg only 10 or 11 days to make the journey :(  I'm not saying this is the absolute issue with me, but it really makes a lot of sense to me.  Jero's numbers yesterday were AWESOME, so I know his guys can get the job done ;)

My doc said that even though I ovulate regularly, I'm certainly a candidate for meds now that we know I ovulate much later.  The meds will help draw in that ovulation date by a couple days.  Annnd, apparently a high daily dose of B6 helps the luteal phase tremendously!  So, if no success this month I want to try meds with no IUI because it's much cheaper...and heaven knows, it's getting expensive! 

I will be back for an update soon :)  Praying, praying, praying for a miracle!!

Quick change...

So, in thinking about the possibility of doing an IUI in February, I realized that we will be in Orlando visiting my Grandpa right in the middle of the big "O"!  So my mind has been wandering around different options.  I knew it was too late to do an IUI this month because I'm currently on day 11...the usual protocol is to take Clomid on days 5-9, too late!  Well, my wandering mind and fingers (Dr. Google) took me to a place that I hadn't even thought of.

As we know to be true, I ovulate normally and regularly (and beautifully as my RE says).  I don't really need meds to ovulate, the only good thing for me is that the meds do help produce multiple and bigger follicles...BUT, I don't need meds!!  We've decided to do a last minute (less expensive) UNmedicated IUI cycle.  Basically we will do the baby dance on our own starting this weekend and throw in the IUI in the middle of next week closer to ovulation.  I'm really excited about this and just pray, pray, pray it WORKS!  Also, in conjuction with the IUI I will be using those "cups" I mentioned before.  They are used for fertility now and have a TON of positive (positive meaning positive pregnancy tests, yay) feedback!

I will keep ya'll updated :) :) :)

Absent...

I'm truly a bad blogger.  I guess I'm so caught up in TTC that if there isn't anything going on on that front, I have nothing to talk about...kinda pathetic :(  I honestly don't have much to talk about and don't wanna blog about my trivial days just to have something to blog about. 

So, I'm excited about the new year and pray it has better things in store for us.  I'm praying for change, mostly change within my own heart!  It's not something I can do on my own, and I am relying on the Lord for a renewed spirit, mind and heart :)

I wasn't ready to jump back into another IUI in January because of all the hustle and bustle of the holidays.  However, unless I get pregnant this month by some miracle from the fertility fairies, we will be doing a 3rd IUI next month.  I'm going to request a back to back IUI in hopes of success!!  If the 3rd one doesn't work, I doubt I will want to do a 4th.  We certainly can't afford IVF, but I would give anything to do IVF so I guess we could start saving for it?! 

This is probably way TMI and "over-sharing", but has anyone tried the "cups"...called Diva cup or some other name??  I won't go into detail, if you're TTC you know what I'm talking about.  So, I'm curious if anyone knows anything about these??

I'll be back with updates :)  THANK YOU so much for all the wonderful support, it means sooo much and I truly appreciate it. 

IUI #2

Did not work.  I was under the impression that the 1st failed IUI was the hardest...not true.  I'm in a funky place right now.  Tears overflowing :(  After the initial shock/pain of the negative results, now I am just left with an overwhelming feeling of just letting people down...again.  It's ok though, clearly His timing is just not right yet.  I've just lost a lot of steam, but will prayerfully gain some strength and courage back to move on.



God-Given Dream

I have a God-given dream to have a baby.  The Lord put the desire in my heart a long time ago to be a mother. If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time, you know the struggle I am going through and certainly know how very badly I want a child.  I get very upset every time a cycle ends and I haven't gotten pregnant.  I don't understand why it hasn't happened.  I've gone through all types of scenarios in my mind as to what could be causing this infertility...and boy have I come up with a plethora of reasons, all because of Dr. Google <----by the way I don't like Dr. Google.  I just get soo frustrated!!  All the "why me's" and all the horrible feelings of jealousy and bitterness are sometimes just too overwhelming.  I wonder why other people seem so much more blessed than me in that area....that's where the "why me" comes in.

But then...I hear God's word and I'm reminded about my God-given dream.  I LOVE when I am in need of hearing something that will speak right to my heart, and then there it is...God speaking right through a guest pastor tonight at church.  Words so powerful, a perspective so clear that you KNOW God is present and powerful in your life.  What I know is that if it took this journey for me to realize that I am not in control, than I'm OK with that.  I'm OK with the fact that I have been sooo humbled by this process...so humbled that I will continue to worship and serve our great Lord, even if I'm not blessed with a biological child.  I have to remember that I am not worshiping God's activities, I'm worshiping His identity, our guest Pastor hit the nail on the head here.

It's very hard when we want something so bad, to not pray in that way.  I want so badly to just seek Him and not what I think He can bless me with.  I AM so blessed though.  I'm sooo soooo thankful for my salvation and what Jesus did on the cross for us...isn't that enough to be blessed with??  Everything in my life was given to me from our Lord, it's not mine, and I have been given so much.  In the face of disappointment, pain, loss I will always worship our Lord NO.MATTER.WHAT.  I will not compromise my God-given values just to have my God-given dream...



Follie check

I went for my follie scan on Friday to see what my little ovaries were up to.  I, again, have TWO follicles (18mm).  This time I have two on my right ovary and none in my left.  Last time my left follicle collapsed, I'm hoping these both release and are mature enough...I've had a little discussion with the follies, so they  know their job!  Jero had to give me my HCG shot last night, he did a great job!!  I go in tomorrow morning at 8:15 for the insemination...will keep you updated :) 

“Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen."

Matthew 21:21

Giving in...

I've been debating on blogging about our next steps.  I really struggled with our 1st IUI failing...like I said before, I just had realllllly high hopes about it.  Then I struggled with having to face soo many people about it.  I was soo incredibly excited that we were blessed enough to be able to do the IUI, I basically shouted it from the roof tops.  My friends and family are and were amazing through the wait and then wonderful after the crappy news.  But in the end, I think it was just too hard to have to go to ALL those people and say it didn't work.

Soooo, we are doing a 2nd IUI this month.  I'm only telling a very few family members.  If you read my blog and you're a friend or family member...than I guess you're in on it with me (and furthermore, I won't know who knows and who doesn't).  But, I do think this is far different than blabbing it all over the place, and that's what got my heart in trouble last time!

About the IUI.  I'm on CD8 and have been taking Clomid for the past few days.  I have a monitoring ultrasound Friday to see what the ol' ovaries are up to.  That's only CD12 for me which is way too early, but it seems they don't wanna come in on the weekend just for an ultrasound.  The one thing we are going to do differently is the timing of the IUI.  On my first one, in my heart I just felt that it was too late for the IUI.  He did an ultrasound right before the insemination and he said I had already ovulated...which is fine, but it's always best to have the swimmers up there right before ovulation!  So this time, we are going to do it 24 hours after I get the HCG trigger shot, instead of 36 hours like before.

Jeromy is in Florida for a baseball tournament all week and comes back on Sunday.  Looks like we will be doing the IUI Monday morning (week of Thanksgiving), so it's cutting it a little close, ha!  I gave him some specific instructions for his trip...one being to PLEASE not spend all day in the hot tub.  He said he would be in it everyday just to ensure his muscles aren't too sore from the games...uggghh!  As we probably all know, that is NO bueno for the swimmers so hopefully he will sacrifice a little and stay out!  I usually go with him on this trip, but I just wanted to save my PTO for something more special.  Him leaving had me thinking about our last bball trip to FL last year in November.  We had been TTC for about 4 or 5 months at that time and I had brought ovulation tests with me, I had never used them before.  I got a positive on the first one I took and you would have thought it was a positive pregnancy test, I was sooo excited!  I was so naive, I just knew I would get pregnant simply because I had a positive test and we did the baby dance that night....yea right!!  Here we are a year later, trying for almost a year and a half.  But it's ok, I've learned so much, and in a way, wouldn't change it for the world...