It's been a while!! A long while. So long that my blogger looks different, I didn't even know where to start a post. My playlist is down now for some crazy reason. It's probably time for me to give my blog a face lift! I haven't visited blogs in so long, I've popped in here and there, but haven't commented...I'm terrible! I'm sure most of my blogger friends have long forgotten me, but even more, they've all (but one) gotten pregnant...which is just ahhhmazing! I've been absent mostly in an effort to keep my mind off of my IF...and it worked! For the past year-ish, we haven't done much of anything in the way of IF treatments or even stressing about ovulation days...it has been so nice, a much needed break!! Jeromy and I have both benefited from that break in so many ways! But now, we are moving on to IVF...which is something I've said before we were very unlikely to do.
I've debated on when I wanted to start this post. I wasn't sure if I should start it once I took that first birth control pill or now. Right now, we are just in the beginning stages of setting it up. We are so excited and completely nervous about this! We have had our initial consultation with another RE, not our original one. We are currently working on the financial part, which is ridiculously stressful :( I think it's just terrible that insurance will not cover any part of IF treatments. This isn't a news flash to me, but when you're talking about a $15,000 procedure it makes you a tad frustrated! We are going to finance most of it, and we have amazing family that is going to help out some too...grateful doesn't even come close to how we feel about that!
So far I have done a multitude of blood tests. Here is my biggest concern and what I got blindsided with. I've done four IUI's and my previous RE never even mentioned it. Apparently there is a test that checks your AMH levels. It's basically a hormone that indicates how well your ovaries function and the quality of your eggs. My AMH levels are very low, indicating that I have poor egg quality...this has been devastating news to me. My low levels probably have something to do with the fact that I started my cycle at 8 years old, hence I've had them for 26 years now...my ovaries are TIRED!! My FSH levels (levels indicating my ovarian reserve, quantity) are good/decent...so that's good. It's better to not have both AMH and FSH be bad...obviously. However, I've pretty much become obsessed with Dr. Google :( I feel like I did 2 years ago at the beginning of the IUI process...and it's wearing me OUT! What I have read is a mix of both good news and bad news in regards to the AMH. I could sit here and type everything that Dr. Google had to say, but basically having poor egg quality is bad. As most people know, when you do IVF, you can produce a ton of eggs but only a handful are good "quality", and with low AMH, it's kinda cut in half. But, as with anything, there are always success stories out there...and this is what I have to focus on!! When the nurse told me about the AMH, I just wanted to end the process right there, but I can't do that because I will never know what could have been! It makes my stomach hurt to think we would do all of this and end up with no baby, I'm not sure I could even look at my husband if that happened. I know we only have one shot at this. I don't want to sound negative, I wanted to express my fears right up front...moving on, I'm going to be more positive. This is my place to be real though, and I'm so thankful I have it.
Our next step is to have a saline ultrasound in about 3 weeks to have a really good look at my uterus to ensure I don't have any polyps or that my fibroids haven't grown. I will start birth control, to suppress my ovaries, at that time. I'm tentatively on the schedule to start the stimulants (SCARED, don't get me started on that) around September 18th with a egg retrieval date of approximately the first few days of October. So, I will be posting here with all the updates :)
In my intro packet from the RE's office, there was a handout on IF stress and how to manage it. It said that women going through IF treatments (mainly IVF) are potentially under just as much emotional, physical and financial stress as a woman going through a life threatening illness. I think I've said this on here before. I don't want to minimize any life threatening illness by any means, but the comparison is shocking. There are a few verses that I've been reciting to myself to help ease the anxieties and worries of this process. But there is one that I am claiming over this...
"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20
