What's Next?

Since my post before last, dated April 11th, I have tried my very best to hand our TTC concerns/doubts/needs/desires over to the Lord.  Some days and weeks were easier than others.  I prayed for the Lord to deliver me from all my anxiety over trying to control this.  This may sound silly, but it helps me so much to place those prayers, concerns and doubts in the palm of my hands, and with all my heart, mind and strength reach up and let the Lord take them right out of my hands.  For the past four months I have worked on not trying to "time" everything so perfectly, not ruminating over every possible symptom, not stressing my hubby out (very important, even though he's pretty good about this stuff)...and having that "if it happens, it happens" attitude.  Well, I can say that it was quite a bit less stressful, I can say that my prayers worked in reducing my anxiety and I can say I really enjoyed my summer.  What I can't say is that it worked.  But IT.IS.OK!!

Here we are today.  I want to tell you what our plans are and keep you updated from now on.  In June I did do a required procedure in the fertility process.  I believe I wrote about it before.  I did a procedure called an HSG, which is basically when a catheter is put through a woman's cervix, balloons the uterus and dye is run through the fallopian tubes to ensure there is no blockage.  It was quite uncomfortable, but all was clear, which is such a blessing!  This test was supposed to be therapeutic and diagnostic...so far it hasn't proved to be therapeutic, and this is where a little frustration got me really wanting to move on to the next step. 

We are now going on our 14th cycle of TTC.  I'm 32, I know NOT old, but when it's not happening naturally the clock ticks louder.   We would love to have two children, and what if this continues to happen?  I want to take the next step.  I don't know why I feel the need to defend myself, but I kinda do sometimes.  I love it when people in my life say "Go girl, be aggressive, go after what you want, you've waited long enough".  It's kinda hard to hear people say "Are you sure, be more patient, you're so young, take your time".  I don't get mad, I never could, it's just hard when people don't understand...and I understand this.

So, after several months of trying, taking meds, more months of trying and an HSG (and don't forget Jero's call of duty) we are ready.  I made an appointment with a fertility doctor to go over options with us.  We've been seeing my OBGYN, but he can only do so much for us.  I had my appointment today with my new fertility doctor, whom we can call Dr H.  I had to fill out a small amount of paperwork that was about as thick as a paperback book, give or take a few pages.  I signed in, gave my insurance card (which was absolutely pointless) and waited.  Nerves were abound.  When I made the appointment I was filled with excitement and hope.  When I got there I was a nervous wreck??  Finally, I was taken back to meet with Dr H in his office...I felt like I was being interviewed, not in a bad way, but that was the type of setting it was.  Before the appointment my husband asked if he should come and I said "No, I don't want to overwhelm you, I'll go this one alone"....oh how I wish I had done different, I wanted him there with me so bad.

Dr H began going over stats about Jero and I, asking lots of "female" questions, family history questions and so on.  The conclusion he made from my previous records with my OBGYN and through my answers, was that there were no major factors contributing to our infertility.  I learned that infertility usually occurs 40% of the time due to the woman, 40% of the time due to the man and 20% due to unknown factors.  We fall into the 20% category.  This is a good thing actually (for right now).  Our best option would be Artificial Insemenation, also called IUI.  This procedure is very effective for couples like ourselves who do not suffer from major infertility issues.  Sooo, the steps are that I finish out this cycle (of course I'm praying ever so hard that I get pregnant this month and won't have to do the IUI), once I start my next cycle I go in on day 3 to get blood work to determine the amount of eggs I have.  I will start a stronger fertility medicine than I took before (yuck, yuck and YUCK) on days 5-9.  I go in for an ultrasound on day 13 to check my follicles, do the IUI a few days after that and then do another ultrasound.  Looking at the calendar I would do the IUI around September 28 give or take a day or two...so we still have a few weeks to go. 

We are very excited about this, we have sooo much HOPE riding on this.   Jeromy gets upset with me when my hopes get too high, he can keep things in perspective pretty well...I cannot.  I know whatever happens, will happen as it should according to His plan.  My last post speaks of such wisdom, strength, patience and understanding of waiting on the Lord.  I go back and re-read that pretty frequently, I need to be reminded. 

Lord, I'm so thankful for your unmerited grace, mercy and favor you have over me.  I hold strong to your promises and ask for your guidance in our decisions, help us to always seek you first in all that we do.  We give you all the glory, Lord.