I'm Forever Yours...Faithfully

Blogger, uggghh

2012-01-26T17:51:00.000-08:00

Apparently blogger is up to its shenanigans again! I've gotten a few, melt.my.heart.oh.my.goodness.so.sweet emails letting me know that you couldn't post on here. I understand the frustration and thank you for your sweet thoughts and prayers...I'll be emailing you back, now :) I'm gonna try and fix the problem, not sure if I can??

Catching up...

2012-01-20T13:18:00.000-08:00

Finally, time to update my blog a little! I guess since my last post (not my very last, but the last post I actually blogged about life) we've had a few changes. I started a new job, which has been an absolute blessing. I basically do the same work, just a different setting, with a much more positive environment. My last job sucked me DRY of everything. I work with my sister's best friend, and it's a JOY!! That same post I also talked about changes for Jeromy. I couldn't really say much, and it's not a huge big deal, but he changed jobs too, which has been great for him as well. His old job was slowing down quite a bit, that type of business he was in has taken a hit with the economy. His new job will always thrive, so we are praying that this door that has been opened will be a good one for our future.

As far as the land that we put an offer in on, well that was a flop! We, as well as my sister-in-law and brother-in-law, put an offer in and both received ahhhmazing deals on the land...now we see why. Their land did not perk, and ours only perked for a 2 bedroom. It was so perfect too, but it fell through, and clearly it was for a reason. So, with his new job now, we are going to wait a year and begin the process again.

Onto the TTC woes. I am going to be realllly careful and try and choose my words very wisely with this. I go through funks...really sad, angry, bitter, painful funks. I try and smile through it, and remain positive and faithful to the process...but the process takes it's toll sometimes. There are two things that are more painful than anything else in this "journey"... 1) the enormous guilt that I have regarding what I can't provide for my wonderful husband 2) watching others successfully conceive easily and having to watch it all over social media (totally my choice, I know). The second one was a bit harsh, I know, I apologize...kinda. I don't even get on FB much anymore for that very reason. I am happy for people, I'm not a totally hateful, bitter person...it just stings, badly.

I'm an emotional person, but I've never been a big cryer. Not the case anymore. I've never been able to cry at the site or sound of something. Not the case anymore. I will hear of someone I know being pregnant, and burst into tears. Honestly, it's awful, I hate it and I don't wanna be like that...but that's where I am at today. I swear like a month ago I was content with the idea of not being able to have a child. I knew that no matter what it was God's plan, and His plan is the ultimate plan. And maybe He sees it fit for us to not have a child. And if that's the case, I have to accept His plan...and I will, but I guess my new question is "how"? I feel like my husband and I are so full of love and all this good stuff to give, to pass on...who will we pass it on to, to be able to call our own and say we created this? That is the void that terrifies me.

As I have said on here numerous times, I pray for all my IF friends, truly I do. Answered prayers are abound right now, so many people are receiving their much deserved blessings!! So awesome!! For that I am grateful and whole heartedly happy. My blog roll was full of IF friends, I now have only TWO that aren't pregnant yet, woohoo! I will say that, unfortunately, SOME of my bloggy friends who have gotten pregnant don't come here anymore :( They don't comment or share anymore...and that's ok, I see where we are in different places now? But, I dearly love the ones that have stuck with me (Stephanie). Please forgive me if I sound really depressing...it's that roller coaster thingy. I hate being negative, I really do...it's just a funky time right now.

Guest Blogger!

2012-01-11T04:22:00.000-08:00

I've hit it big time now y'all, I was asked to post as a guest blogger on one of my sweet friend's blogs! Alisha, from Peace and Penguins, asked me to guest post and I was more than honored to do so. I love Alisha's blog, please go check it out and you will see why. A beautiful girl, with a beautiful heart, with a beautiful blog...nuf'said!

Soo, you would think I was asked to post about none other than infertility...not the case! Something I don't talk much about on here (and I think I've said that before) is the dreaded topic of anxiety, ugghhh! I don't like to focus on it here on my blog, and I really don't know why I don't talk about it much. I most certainly think that I manage it well most of the time (and you can see how if you go read my post on Alisha's blog), so that's why I don't make it much of an issue here. But I definitely have my struggles with it, and I really think it helps others when people can be transparent about what afflictions they have. I follow several blogs with some amazing writers who garner 200+ comments in one blog post. They have the most beautiful families, gorgeous children, the "perfect" husband, and that perfect job...a stay at home mom (I want that job so badly...I keep applying, but at this time they just aren't hiring). Then one day you're reading about their seemingly "perfect" life, and then they reveal that they have fears and anxieties of their own that can be so overwhelming. It's that moment when you realize you are not alone, nobody is perfect and it is going to be OK :) This is what is so beautiful about the blogging world. I'm so grateful to have this little space here (even if I don't keep up with it very well) to connect with and support others that are right where you are!! Thank you to Alisha for even thinking of me, and I'm so glad I could be a part of this topic...I hope you enjoy it, and my prayer is that it reaches someone in need, and they know there is peace to be found in the valley...

***I really just realized I haven't updated my blog about all the changes we were going through...I will be back to do that soon. If you're even following me anymore, I'll be back ;)

Award (way late) and catching up...

2011-12-07T18:58:00.000-08:00

Sooo...I don't expect anyone to even comment on my blog or even visit....for the fact that I just can't get into the blogging mood, I have nothing for you. A part of me is so busy transitioning into a new job (that I really do love), and a part of me is just kinda blahhhh. Between the two, lately, I just can't find the ~~positive~~ energy to blog. I'm loving that it's Christmas time (my sooo very favorite time of year), but this year there are just so many changes going on in our lives, that at times, it's a bit overwhelming. If I haven't mentioned before, I'm not a fan of change...once I get in the swing of things, it's all good, but getting there can be tough. Still feeling enormously blessed, I just have to say that!! I may bend, but I will not break :)

Enough about me!!

My lovely friend Jenn, from "The Future Fords" nominated me for a blog award. So sweet of her! (What's wrong is she nominated me weeks ago, but as stated above, I just now got to it). I absolutely love Jenn. I "met" her probably like 2 or 3 years ago on another blog/forum, staying in touch all the while. Over the past year she started her blog as she began trying to conceive. What I love about her is that we have a lot in common, and she is such a great writer with such transparency...once you read even one of her posts, you'll be hooked, she's very entertaining and just down to earth. She has now found herself in the same "boat" as many of us...struggling to conceive :( Please go visit her blog and show her some support, she's the best!

The Liebster Blog Award is given to blogs with less than 200 readers/followers. I feel so special to receive this. It's given to "smaller" blogs to help bring more recognition to their blog, and to help grow their followers. Blogging has been an ahhhhmazing outlet for me, and with this support, IF has been more "bearable"!!

So, now I must nominate 5 other wonderful bloggers with 200 or less followers. My problem is that I've waited so long to do this, that I'm not sure who has received this or not. If you've received it from me and you were already nominated by someone else, just be flattered ;) If you haven't received it yet, make sure you do the following...

OK, so if I forward this award along to you, then you must also do the following:

1. Copy and paste the award onto your blog.

2. Thank the giver and link back to the blog who gave it to you.

3. Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.

4. Hope that your followers will spread the love onto other bloggers!

Here are my 5:

1) Waiting and Wishing

2) Peace and Penguins

3) Brookshire Life

4) Journey Through IF

5) Still Dreaming

Love, love, love all these girls!! Welcome to any new readers...I would love to check out your blog :)

Thank you again to Jenn @ The Future Fords!!

Feeding my soul...

2011-11-21T16:08:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite blogs Kelly's Korner always has the "Show Us Your Life" link up posts. A lot of times I have nothing to offer to link up for, and sometimes I do, but I'm just too lazy to do it (did I mention I'm a lazy blogger?). A while back she had "Show Us Your Life-Favorite Devotionals"...I wanted so bad to link up and talk about my favorite devotional, because I'm so in love with it and it feeds me so much, spiritually, e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y! So, after reading today's devotion, I really want to share it with you in hopes that it will give you hope and the reminder that the Lord knows our hearts desires, and that He will not be late. This is the book...

November 20th (actually I'm behind a day, it was yesterdays):

Waiting may seem like an easy thing to do, but it is a discipline that a Christian soldier does not learn without years of training. Marching and drills are much easier for God's warriors than standing still.

There are times of indecision and confusion, when even the most willing person, who eagerly desires to serve the Lord, does not know what direction to take. So what should you do when you find yourself in this situation? Should you allow yourself to be overcome with despair? Should you turn back in cowardice or in fear or rush ahead in ignorance?

No, you should simply wait-but wait in prayer. Call upon God and plead your case before Him, telling Him of your difficulty and reminding Him of His promise to help.

Wait in faith. Express your unwavering confidence in Him. And believe that even if He keeps you waiting until midnight, He will come at the right time to fulfill His vision for you.

Wait in quiet patience. Never complain about what you believe to be the cause of your problems, as the children of Israel did against Moses. Accept your situation exactly as it is and then simply place it with your whole heart into the hand of your covenant God. And while removing any self-will, say to Him, "Lord, 'Not my will, but yours be done' (Luke 22:42). I do not know what to do, and I am in great need. But I will wait until You divide the flood before me or drive back my enemies. I will wait even if You keep me here many days, for my heart is fixed on You alone, dear Lord. And my spirit will wait for You with full confidence that You will still be my joy and my salvation, 'for You have been my refuge, and a strong tower against the foe' (Ps. 61:3)."

This and That

2011-11-07T10:07:00.000-08:00

So much going on with us these days! Lots of good things, but still giving me lots to pray about to keep my worries at bay.

Before it gets too late to post about, I got a little crafty (yes, me) for my husbands Halloween costume. We did a little role reversal thing....I was just hoping he would go for it. I thought it would be hilarious if my hubs was a cheerleader and I was a football player (well, hilarious on his part, I was shooting for comfort on my part!). I only have a couple pics from my blackberry, some of the people at the party we went to took some great pics, but I haven't gotten those yet. So here is a pic of the skirt I bedazzled...I got it at TJMaxx...it was a woman's plain white tennis skirt-perfection!! At first we decided that we were going to match teams for our outfits, but my mother-in-law suggested that I make him an Angel's cheerleader...his men's baseball team that he plays for that he is OBsessed with (yes, I know baseball doesn't have cheerleaders). I was a Florida Gators football player. How awesome is this bedazzled skirt??

This is the only picture of me that I got. We are terrible at taking pictures! It was a fun night, good friends and good times :)

On to more serious stuff ;)

**I got a new job!! I'm very excited about it!! My current job makes me want to jump from very high places on most days. There are several reasons why I needed to make a change. I start next week, I'm nervous but excited. My sister's best friend works in the office at my new job, so it helps that I know her and I love her. It's a much smaller office in comparison to where I work now...and this is perfect, it's what I've wanted and needed for a while now.

**We put an offer in on an acre of land and they ACCEPTED our offer...WOOHOO!! We've gone back and forth on where we actually want to build. My hubs dad has some land we thought about building on, but it's right beside his mom's house and she will soon be selling, so we sought out other options. Our lot is in this neighborhood that only has about 5 houses in it right now, and several other lots for sale. My husbands brother and sis-in-law just bought a gorgeous home in this same neighborhood AND, my husbands sister and bro-in-law got accepted on an offer for land right beside us!! Did you follow that? So, basically my sis-in-laws and bro-in-laws (all 6 of us) will be in the same neighborhood...we're tight like that ;) We all love the idea of being very close. It's not quite a done deal yet, we are still holding our breath waiting to see if this land passes the perk test. It's rumored that a few plots of land in this neighborhood have failed perk tests...which means the land is unbuildable. It is getting perked this week and we should know something soon. My sis-in-law and her hubs are awaiting the same test! It would suck if one perked and one didn't or they both didn't...but we are believing they will pass!! So, I will keep ya'll posted :)

**My husband is up to some big changes too, but I won't go into detail until those happen. Like I said before, all good changes, but things to pray about to ensure we are making the right decisions. All these changes are happening at the same time and I'm just spent worrying about every detail of them. I sometimes wish I could go back to my "younger" days when I didn't take things so seriously and over think e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g! With that being said, though, I know exactly where to go when the worry starts to get to me...to the cross, lay it there. The reassurance of God's promises keep me focused!

**I'm still working on my 90 days of supplements from the Naturopathic doctor. I'm almost done with it, unless he has other plans when I go back. I haven't noticed many changes, but I suppose I wouldn't really notice until we start trying again. Which, by the way, not TTC is way wierd at this point. Actually avoiding around ovulation is strange...and wrong, just sayin ;) And then, with my new job, I won't have insurance right away...so I must continue to avoid TTC??!! The clock just ticks...I'm now half way to my 34th birthday :(

Soo...that was a long post. I will wrap up now...I'll be back with updates :)

The best four years...

2011-10-24T07:20:00.000-07:00

I'm still amazed on a regular basis that I am so richly blessed to be married to such an incredible man. We celebrated our four year anniversary last Thursday! These last four years have been a journey that I never could foresee. It's amazing how you try and "plan" your life out...and God just laughs. Even though our "plans" haven't come to fruition as we would like, we have each other and our relationship with the Lord...and that's all we really need. Jeromy has been the rock in our relationship, he is mostly a fearless and very strong man. He's not very emotional, but has the biggest heart. I give him credit for strengthening my journey with the Lord, and this is what I'm most thankful for.

When I think of the enormous love I have for him, I am reminded of what led me to him. I am reminded that through pain and suffering, the Lord actually is working in your life to bring you to a better place...ultimately to bring Him greater glory. Shortly before I started dating my husband, I was in a relationship that ended very badly. I had been engaged to a guy for about a year. Throughout our relationship I saw several red flags, I ultimately chose to ignore those. Looking back, these red flags should have been deal breakers, but I suppose when you're planning a wedding all you can see is the big picture...which is your wedding day. Without getting into too much detail (b/c I have a public blog, and I'm not that kinda girl), he came to me three weeks before our wedding and told me that he couldn't go through with it. This was a Friday night, and the next day was a combo wedding shower and bachelorette party...talk about devastation. All I could think about was the embarrassment I was about to face. All I wanted to do was cry, cry and cry some more and never leave my house. In hindsight, I think I was more devastated and embarrassed about having to call off our wedding than actually not marrying him.

Shortly after ending that relationship, I met my husband (well I knew him, we just never got to know each other). I only tell this story, as a testimony to what our God can do in our lives when all we see is devastation or loss...but in His precise plan, He is working to mend our hearts and to bring us to a higher place. When I was engaged to that guy I was a Christian, but he was not; I wanted children, but he did not. It was a perfect mis-match, and because I was blinded by certain things, my Lord took care of business for me...even when I wasn't looking for Him to do so, I'm ashamed to say.

I couldn't imagine life without my husband, and clearly neither could the Lord, because He divinely placed him there...glory be to God!! I couldn't imagine going through this journey with anyone else, I just wanna shout from the roof tops how much I love this man of mine and how incredibly thankful I am for him!!!! Our life isn't perfect, but I think there is beauty in that. The journey that led me to my husband reminds me of the journey that we are currently on to have a child. It's shaky, it's devastating...but we will remain faithful knowing that our Lord, full of grace and mercy, will indeed bless us in His own way in His own timing...and indeed, we will be in a higher place giving God all the glory!!

Mean bloggers

2011-10-18T18:15:00.000-07:00

I'm such a hit or miss blogger. Sometimes I get on a roll, and other times I just abandon the blogging world all together for a while! The problem with this is, I start to lose track of my bloggy friends and it takes some serious time to catch up. This problem coupled with the fact that I still can't comment on people's blogs most of the time (crushing to me), is making me look like a terrible blogger/friend. I have emails I need to respond to, but my email is jacked right now...and I'm pretty sure this email problem and the commenting problem go hand in hand. I know I'm kind of a big deal, right (?), but on the other hand I know ya'll aren't checking your emails/blogs daily for my comments/response...but just know that I'm working on it. I'm still thinking about all of you and praying for all of you!!

So I was just reading this blog that I follow. This lady has done like 3 IUI's, 3 IVF's and finally got pregnant on her third...what a journey!! Well, she's several months into her pregnancy and has been receiving nasty comments and emails about her being pregnant. WTH?? I absolutely cannot wrap my mind around sitting down at my computer, choosing an "anon" identity and then just blasting a woman for finally getting her blessing that she WORKED HARD for! And the commenters? Infertile women. After reading many comments, it is of my opinion that for some infertile women it has become some sort of contest as to who has suffered more or who has spent more money. I just became so enraged reading some of the things these women have said on her blog. Infertility is awful, it really is. It arouses some truly ugly emotions...here are few, but not limited to...bitterness, jealousy, depression, anger, confusion, guilt. But, it should not be in our power to be able to unleash these emotions on, what used to be, our fellow infertile in the TTC journey. Infertility is not a reason to be mean or hateful or hurtful!!

When I find out a fellow IFer is pregnant, my heart leaps in pure joy, honestly. Because I am human and I'm just being honest...it does tend to be a little difficult to continue to follow their blog for the whole nine months. It just becomes too painful to watch the growing belly. With that said, my unflattering feelings and emotions are reserved for women that have children but don't want them, women who took too many jello shots and met Mr. Right Now and BAM...you catch my drift. My heart hurts for this woman that is being put on blast. Have ya'll seen this going on on blogs where IF women get pregnant? What do you think?

Arts & Crafts disaster...

2011-10-02T19:10:00.000-07:00

We thought it would be fun to do an arts and crafts night, you know, to mix things up. Riiight. The pictures do my arts and crafts catastrophe no justice. In true Amy A-D-D doesn't.have.a.crafty.bone.in.her.body fashion, I started the project, got frustrated, got up and walked away, went back to the project, got more frustrated, ate the delicious dinner my friend cooked for us, went back to project and then quickly reached DEFCON level 5 frustration...and then gave UP on it! Right after dinner A started working on her wreath. Perfection. Seriously?? Just a blow to my creative ego, thank you very much.

So, we went to Michaels to get everything we needed, and long story short, we ended up having to do a different wreath because we couldn't anything other than neutral burlap colors. We started out wanting this one:

And ended up doing this one:

Loove this wreath, however it's a little more complicated (to me) than the other one. It required stitching, yikes, and then cinching...clearly way over my head. Here is my wreath before I gave up.

My friend put hers together in about, um, like ten minutes...like it was no thang! Just to be clear, it called for two layers (front and back) of the ruffle wreath, but we only had time for one layer.

The finished product isn't really finished. Because we had to change our wreath last minute, we went to a different store and didn't have the items needed to finish it. Even though my project turned out awful, we had a back-up plan...alas, a third grade project I can do!! A coozy, a Halloween coozy!!

Lots of hot glue, puffy paint, foam zombies...YES! Suffice it to say, there probably won't be many more arts & crafts nights, unless it is on an elementary level ;) But, we did have fun...and that's most important, right? The arrow on my head reads "I'm with creepy" ;)

HELP!!!

2011-09-29T14:45:00.000-07:00

Does anyone know why I can't leave comments on blogs?? Especially blogspot blogs! I have so much to say, lol! I post a comment and hit the comment button, and then it disappears :( Help!!

Gettin' crafty!

2011-09-28T18:46:00.000-07:00

So who is tired of me talking about infertility?? I can just see you guys jumping up and down saying "ME, ME!" Ha! Yea, well, me too...believe it or not! I, myself, can't believe how much I can talk about infertility...it just monopolizes everything, booo! So, in the last few days I've been really trying to think of things I can do to get my mind off of it already. I made a date with a girlfriend of mine...and here is how our conversation went:

Let's do something Friday night...
A: Um, I know you, you'll be too tired after work.
Me: Nah, I promise, I'm good...
A: Ok, let's do something out of our comfort zone!
Me: Sounds great, let's do it!
A: How about laser tag?
Me: No, does not sound fun whatsoever...and I'm 33, not 23 like you! (Yes, we are 10 years apart and yes, I know 33 isn't old)
A: Alright old lady...
Me: How about roller skating? (purely for shock value)
A: I'm 23, not 13...
Me: I was kidding about roller skating.
A: How about bowling?
Me: Is this what it's come down to?
A: How about we just go see a movie, dinner and drinks? (the usual)
Me: I guess we don't have a choice (b/c there is absolutely nothing else to do), sounds good. (NOT out of comfort zone whatsoever)

So then I get this great idea...let's be realllly lame and do arts and crafts, while having some wine of course! Soooo...I start to google DIY fall projects....OMGoodness, wow there is so much. WOW, people are soo creative and then spend a ton crap of time to take pictures, give a blow by blow on how to make it AND then blog about it! So then, the next day this was our convo:

Me: How about a fall arts and crafts project and some wine!
A: So we go from laser tag to arts and crafts?
Me: Absolutely!
A: Awesome, let's do it!
Me: Yay...we're so cool!

This is what I found for us to do...it was A's idea to do a wreath, so this is what we settled on. Hot glue guns, watch out!!

http://www.craftaholicsanonymous.net/2011/09/burlap-fall-wreath-tutorial.html Don't ya'll LOVE it??

I'm NOT creative whatsoever, but I like to be crafty (and I'm usually terrible at it)! This might be the beginning of something...we shall see :) I'll post some pics from our ~~old~~ ~~lady~~ arts and crafts night! This might have to be a regular thing...

The journey

2011-09-20T08:31:00.000-07:00

"Be kind because everyone is fighting some kind of battle".

I've heard this quote so many times, and I love the reminder that it holds. I may have said this here before, but in some funky way I'm grateful for my infertility struggle. If you can see the good through the bad or the bigger picture during troubled times or in times of waiting, it makes it far easier to get through. I don't think for one minute that I'm waiting in vain (at times it may not sound like it here on my blog, through all the whining). The big lesson I'm learning is that everyone certainly does struggle with something. If we're being honest, I will say that it has taken this IF to help me to see it, fully understand it and act on it. But, that is the beauty of struggle, pain, suffering, loss.

I was doing my daily blog readings a couple weeks ago and found that one of my IF bloggy friends announced she was three months pregnant!! Her dream came true, her prayers were answered, all the hope she held onto finally became a reality...but the one thing that seemed to bother her was that this announcement would find other IF followers hurting. The IF battle is so tricky and complicated. I'm not so sure that anyone can truly unravel the tortuous and complex emotions that IF comes with. Your dream comes true, but the sting of IF is still there. Your prayers are answered, but your fears rise up for the stability of your pregnancy. Your hope becomes reality, but yet you're apprehensive about sharing your joy with the IF community. She is fully aware of others struggles. The Lord came through for her, but while she waited, her heart was softened...in a way that only waiting on the Lord can do.

I understand, better, that so much lies in hope. It seems that people can survive almost anything, but not without hope. In all the wonderful blogs I visit, there seems to be one underlying message...hope. Hope endures. If there is one thing that I can say to someone struggling with anything (reminding myself as well) is that the Lord knows your battle. He placed it there. He will get you through it, through His strength and grace alone. While you wait, pray for contentment. Always keep your hope alive, because He does want to grant you the desires of your heart...

Follow-up

2011-09-14T05:39:00.000-07:00

First, thank you soo much for the encouragement and support...I know I say it all the time, but I'm more than grateful for my bloggy friends...this girl couldn't make it without ya'll!! I'm finally getting a chance to follow up about my "new approach". I went in for my first visit to go over everything and anything, and then a week and a half later (yesterday), I went in for my follow-up.

After an "interview" of everything "female"...my new doc discovered that I had an estrogen dominance issue. I went over a list of all the symptoms/markers for the ED issue (I gotta abbreviate it, it's a long one, but when I type ED it makes me think of erectile dysfunction for some insane reason, ha!). To say that I had about 85% of the symptoms listed is kind of an understatement. Shocker warning ahead...one of the big reasons he believes that it's an ED issue is because of my early onset of my period. This is cuuuhhhrazy, but I started when I was EIGHT years old! I know right?! Just a little background story on that. Who the heck talks to their eight y/o about puberty? So when that went down, I was scared outta my mind...thought I was dying for obvious reasons! Looking back now, all the drama was quite comical. Basically, I have had about 30-45 more cycles than the average woman my age. He explained that just the early onset alone signals an estrogen issue, not just the mere fact that I've had so many cycles for a 33 y/o woman. Here is where my frustration lies...I inquired about the early onset to my gyno and RE, and they both brushed it off as no biggie. I'm not saying that this is the entire problem, but clearly it signals that something is "off"!

He overwhelmed me (in a good way) with so much information regarding ED, supplements to assist it and my diet. He explained that estrogen gets backed up in the liver, so I am on 3 supplements for liver cleansing, drops for uterine health and magnesium topical gel for anxiety (plus, magnesium deficiency is a symptom of ED and can lead to some nasty feelings of anxiety/depression). Anxiety has been an issue for me for the past 3 years. I was on Yaz birth control when I first got married, and had some major issues once I stopped it midcycle after a year of taking it...ever since then I have had this constant anxious personality. I think the Yaz just contributed to my already existing issues...plus, surely ya'll have heard that Yaz is terrible anyways, hence the commercials and them pulling it off the market! All in all, he thinks my anxiety is clearly hormonal related.

My doc seems soo full of great information and really sounds like he knows what he's talking about. It's very interesting their view on things, as compared to conventional dr's. He explained that the stuff that we are "fed" on TV and in society are so backwards to what we truly should be doing. I can't even go over all the stuff, there was so much. As far as nutrition, he is sending me an email today with a guideline that I should try and follow. The top 3 things that I should avoid are gluten products (very hard apparently), artificial sweeteners and polyunsaturated fats. The polyfats thing is just one example of one of the things that is being pushed right now to consume, but yet is not good for us. It's really looking at things in a whole different way. I'm really excited about this!! Plus, taking a break for a few months will help with the stress tremendously!

A new approach

2011-08-24T07:44:00.000-07:00

Let me preface this post by saying that I know the Lord has a specific and perfect plan for my life. The last thing I want to do is sound hypocritical as a Christian. I have had a few people tell me that maybe my own strong desire for a child isn't what the Lord has planned for me, and that maybe I should try and move on. As a Christian, I am very aware that holding on to my own desires and trying to "control" them isn't going to make it happen. It isn't what we are supposed to do. We are supposed to bring it to the cross, leave it there and pray for God's will to be done. For the most part, that is what I try and do. I struggle with what I do try and control, all the "efforts" I put into trying to have a baby. I've got to tell you, there is a very FINE line here. A line that completely overwhelms me. I have guilt that I'm not giving enough over to the Lord, that because I'm not, therefore I'm not getting my baby. Even before our first IUI, I asked my husband if we were doing the right thing...deep in my heart, I felt that we were "overriding" the Lord, so to speak. My husband understood where I was coming from, but reminded me that the Lord created these amazing Dr's, with the wisdom and knowledge to help people like us.

Four IUI's later, we are at a place where we no longer want to pursue any more invasive procedures. First, it's obviously not working and I physically just can't tolerate it, sometimes the hormones are just too much...I am very sensitive to it. Second, we can't emotionally go through it anymore. The roller coaster is like no other we've ever experienced. And lastly, financially we are spent at this time. I know there are women out there that are upwards of up to 60-70 thousand dollars in, and still no baby. Words aren't enough for you, I can't even wrap my mind around that. I pretty much refuse to do IVF because I can't imagine spending thousands of dollars and ending up not pregnant. My heart literally breaks when I read these stories, enough to scare me right out of it...plus going back to not having enough money combined with the crazy hormones.

So, on to the title of this post...we are going to try something different. I have read numerous stories about how naturopathic doctors can really facilitate the "infertile". I feel good about going the "natural" path. Basically, it's homeopathic remedies such as supplemental vitamins and a cleaner/healthier diet. I've already had a brief consultation, which is going to be followed up by a couple very long appointments. I don't have much to write about yet, because I haven't even had my "big" appointment yet. In my consultation he was very encouraging about what he could do for me. Apparently, it's all about getting down to the root of the problem instead of trying to "force" things, as he put it. Plus, I believe it's an overall benefit for getting "balanced" in ALL areas.

So, this is where we are, and I will post after my appointment next week to let ya'll know how it goes. I pray for all of my IF friends...that you are able to make peaceful decisions without the threat of guilt or anxiety. That in His timing, you would have your perfect little blessing....

"Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

Pics..."Friday Family Fun Night"

2011-08-11T18:36:00.000-07:00

Last summer we started this weekly "Friday Family Fun Night" with my hubs family. We always enjoy coming together and relaxing from a long week! Just wanted to share some pics...something a little more light hearted than the doom and gloom posts that I'm so good for lately, blaahhhh!!

Isn't he precious?? My hubs that is? Yes, little Brayden is presh too ;)

Jeromy and his sweet little cousins

Sweet Papaw!!

A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E

In deep thought apparently...

Enjoying my Friday nite adult beverage!!

My beautiful mother-in-law

Bwaahaaa, my sis-in-law really, I mean really enjoying her watermelon ;)

Patti and I

Sweet Charlie!!

The guys...my bro-in-law, father-in-law, papaw-in-law and hubs....missing my other bro-in-law

Us girls...MIL, me, sis-in-law, grandma-in-law and aunt-in-law....good law!! Missing my other sweet SIL!

Oh boy, do I love this man!!!

Guarding your heart...

2011-08-01T17:52:00.000-07:00

How is it possible to guard your heart from the pain of infertility?? The highs and lows. The countless pregnancy announcements from people that didn't even try, or try that hard. The (unintentional) hurtful comments about how life without kids would be spectacular, or I can borrow their kids, or relax already, get drunk and go on vacay and it will happen then, maybe it's just not meant to be. The cycles that seem to be getting more out of whack, even after a surgery that was supposed to "fix" the problem. The hope that you hold onto so hard each cycle, slowly slipping away. The crying fits with my husband that is supportive, but is growing weary himself. The people that may (unintentional again) seem to have forgotten that you are still struggling emotionally and physically with your infertility. The bold fact staring me in the face that we may not ever have a biological child....

BIG

2011-06-27T05:19:00.000-07:00

Well, IUI #4 was a BIG fail. I struggle with the why's, but I'll never know. I feel like we're falling into the category of "unexplained infertility". As I've said before, we're both blessed with good eggies and good swimmers...so something is amiss. Before the lap surgery it was obvious why we couldn't get pregnant, but now I just don't know.

We are taking a very long break. I'm remembering how BIG my God is, how He will bless us in His own timing...not a minute too late.

Thank you for all the support and prayers...couldn't make it through without them :)

Today

2011-06-14T05:31:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post to recap. I'm going for IUI#4 today. Went yesterday and had one good follie @ 26mm, got the HCG shot at the office and I'm doing it at 3:30 today! I feel realllly good about the timing of this one, just praying that it actually works! I know I say this often, but I'm so blessed to have the support that I do here on my blog. The IF community is amazing, and I couldn't do this w/o the knowledge and support that is given! I will be back to give an update on our IUI...please pray for us! Thank you :)

2 years & IUI #4

2011-05-31T06:13:00.000-07:00

As of today, I'm officially going on two years of TTC and failing miserably. We started TTC in the month of June and I saw my first negative pregnancy test in July of '09. It's official today because I've sadly started a new cycle today. I just really felt like this month might be the month. I had a few "different" symptoms that made me feel hopeful. However, I was only left to feel foolish, once again.

I feel like I see pregnant women EVERYWHERE. I went to the beach this weekend with a girlfriend of mine, and I swear I was running into bellies everywhere!! I wanted to stop each and every one of the pregnant women and say "you are so incredibly blessed!!" And, I was so incredibly jealous. Wondering what that must feel like to be carrying a baby. I was actually so consumed by the preggo ladies that I wasn't even enjoying myself walking around downtown Charleston. i.am.a.loser!!

I'm such an open person, like an open book...probably to a fault. However, I'm finding myself becoming increasingly more private about our IF. This is probably the most painful thing I have experienced...complete with embarrassment and grief, and you can throw a little jealousy and bitterness in there too. Nowadays when people ask me how things are going (simply b/c I've been so open with people), I just say "good" and keep on moving with the convo. It hurts too much to talk about it, and furthermore I'm starting to feel like such a failure and it's embarrassing. This "embarrassing" thing is new for me...but I totally get it now when people say that. My body fails me and I don't feel adequate at all.

So, I'm about to call the RE's office and set up IUI #4. I'm not looking forward to this at all. I'm totally scared of the possibility of another failed one, and how Jeromy and I will take it...but we must forge ahead. The depressing part is we have no plan of attack if this doesn't work. Unfortunately, I don't see IVF in our future, simply because it does NOT fit in our budget. I know if it's something we must do and we really want, than we'll find a way I suppose. However, we already have some debt that is kinda holding us back from building at this time, so I can't even fathom adding another $15,000 to that debt??!! I'm so happy for those that do IVF, that they have that opportunity...but how do they do it??

I usually try to be very positive and stay hopeful, but I think lately my posts are doom and gloom and for that I'm sorry :( The life that the Lord has sooo richly blessed me with is not lost on me! Although, lately, these days tend to really test my strength and sometimes even my hope...never my faith.

"But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:25

Mother's Day...

2011-05-06T06:36:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day is particularly hard for me. It's, of course, a reminder of my mom that I lost almost nine years ago...wow, can't believe it's been nine years! I find that I'm more upset on Mother's Day than I am on her birthday for some reason. Probably because there is such a focus on mother's all day long, whereas her birthday, nobody really even knows that her birthday has come and gone.

I always wonder how different my life would be if she were still here. So many things. Like how she would have LOVED LOVED my husband...and he would have LOVED her too. She was one of those types of people that everyone just adored. So sweet and generous of her love and time. I didn't have one friend or boyfriend that didn't adore her. She gave and sacrificed so much for my sister and I as well, and I'll tell you I do NOT do nearly enough to honor her memory :(

And then, there's my infertility...which always makes me think of my mom. How supportive she would have been...and how broken hearted she would be for me at this time. Could I handle it better if she were around?? I think, maybe I could. Having a mother like I had was always the driving force behind my desire to have children. I've always wanted a child to pass on all the love she showed me. She knew how bad I wanted to be a mother one day, and she always reminded me how badly she could not wait for me to have a child...although nine years ago it wasn't even on the radar yet. It always pleases my heart to know that she did get to be a grandmother for a short while though. My sister had a daughter whom my mother was attached to. She was three when my mom died, and to this day my niece still talks about her. When she was younger she would ask how she can get up to heaven to see her Grammy again. Now at twelve, she just expresses how she misses her and wishes she was still here. My sister and I do a good job of reminding her how much her Grammy loved her. My sister was also pregnant with my nephew when she died...talk about stress during pregnancy, but she did great and my nephew turned out perfect ;)

I know Mother's Day is hard for women struggling with infertility. The reminders are EVERYWHERE!! I'm on your side and I want my IF friends to know that I pray for you almost daily!! It's even hard for the infertile to find the right words for the infertile (lol)...however, please try and find some peace this Mother's Day and know that your day is coming, no matter which avenue you choose. As for me, I have a funny feeling my mom is up in heaven petitioning for me in her own little way ;)

Happy Mother's Day to all those blessed mama's out there :)

Lowww

2011-04-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, I am in a really low place right now. (kinda hypocritical of my last post, I know). I just can't help it. I'm a few days away from getting my period...and I say that b/c that's exactly what's going to happen. I'm trying to be ok with it, but it's hard. Some cycles are harder than others. For instance, my first failed IUI was devastating. After trying in vain for so long and you try something new, your hope is renewed and VERY high. Like this month...2nd cycle post lap surgery coupled with a round of Clomid --I just got my hopes up really high. I hear people say, don't get your hopes up so high...but really, how is that possible?? And, I know I'm writing this post prematurely, but I'm just feeling so emotional and I need an outlet! Last night I just cuddled up to my husband and cried, crying helps and I slept really good...so,that's a bonus I suppose??

And, why when you're feeling at your possible lowest do some things slap you right in the face? My very first patient this morning (before I could even say good morning) bounced in the front doors and said "Do you wanna see a picture of my new granddaughter?" I immediately got that lump in my throat and all I could muster was "Ok"...not "Sure, I'd love to" or "Absolutely". Luckily for me, my co-worker took on the enthusiasm that I lacked, and complimented her and her new grandbaby. And as I sit and write this, Rachel Ray is on in the waiting room. You know the identical triplet women, they're models and one of them is married to Dr. Phil's son? Yea, they all THREE got pregnant at the same time...nice! How cute is that?? How awesome it would be to say "Hey, let's get pregnant"...and viola, nine months later a baby is born!?

I know I'm going to look back on this post and want to kick myself for how ugly I sound...but this is how I really feel right now. For some reason Clomid wasn't that kind to me this cycle and I absolutely dread doing it again, or for that matter a new protocol of drugs? It gave me the worst anxiety ever for like a week after I took it. I don't talk about it much on here (or at all really), but I already struggle with anxiety in general, and this infertility just enhances it :(

I'm fighting myself on my current attitude. I feel so bitter/sad/anxious/frustrated and I just have to trust that the Lord will not give me any more than I can emotionally or physically handle. Sometimes I just wish that the Lord would remove the desire to have children from my heart! I know it could be worse, and I know women out there have struggled far beyond what I have. But, at the same time, I know it's all relative and this is how I'm feeling at this particular time...

He is risen!!

2011-04-24T17:23:00.000-07:00

What a glorious day Easter is! What a renewal, He has given us new life on this day...He was victorious over death and in turn gave us abundant, eternal life. I'm so grateful everyday for what Jesus did on the cross for us...my salvation, His mercy and grace. What a sacrifice...

When I'm down and out and feeling hopeless...I always remind myself of the enormous sacrifice Jesus made for us, that usually puts an end to my pity-party immediately. On this Easter it would have been so nice to either be celebrating a pregnancy or dressing a baby in a precious little Easter outfit...but I can't help to realize how ridiculously blessed I already am!!

"He isn't here! He is risen from the dead, just as he said would happen. Come, see where his body was lying." Matthew 28:6

*Added*

Oh...and I forgot to add....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST HUSBAND IN THE WORLD!! One of the many blessings I was speaking about above :) This is a pic of us celebrating his birthday...it was Friday. He's getting just a tad closer to his 30's so he can finally join me...what a baby!!

On testing...

2011-04-19T12:43:00.000-07:00

(Found this on another site...enjoy, it's hilarious and true)

When in the course of trying to conceive (TTC), it will become periodically necessary to administer a home pregnancy test (HPT) to determine if intercourse successfully resulted in fertilization and subsequent implantation. The following guides are written with step-by-step instructions to help you successfully administer your HPT. Please note, guidelines for women who are fertility-challenged will be modified slightly in separate instructions at the end.

Guide To Taking A Home Pregnancy Test (Fertile Version)

1) Decide to “Not-Not Try” with your partner. Let’s just see what happens. (Alternate step, become intoxicated and forget to use contraceptives.)
2) Realize your period is a week late! Oh you, always forgetting.
3) Go to the store and purchase the prettiest pregnancy test, or perhaps one that is on sale, and go to the counter to purchase. Oh goodness, I wonder if the salesclerk will notice!
4) At home, follow the test’s instructions. This is where it can get a little confusing… pee ON the stick. That’s right.
5) Set it down and walk away. Hmmm… you haven’t steam cleaned the carpets for a while. And you’ve been meaning to organize that pantry—that soup won’t alphabetize itself!
6) Oh my! You almost forgot; now where did you put that pesky test?
7) Well will you look at that, there’s two lines. What does that mean again?
8) You’re pregnant, congrats! Now wasn’t that easy?

Guide To Taking A Home Pregnancy Test (Fertility-Challenged Women)

1) Sigh, are you really sure you want to take another test?
2) Honestly, your period isn’t due for five more days.
3) Ok, it’s your mortgage payment. Let’s hit the store.
4) Make sure to get a variety. Digital, early result, and that Asian version with the baby playing tug of war with Pokemon.
5) Might as well hit the dollar store too. Pick up 20 tests there.
6) Give the salesclerk the stink eye when she looks at you curiously.
7) Rush home. Do you wait till tomorrow morning? Or take it right now? Decide on the dollar store test for now, save the expensive one for tomorrow morning.
8) One line. Well, not even quite one line… it looks more like the test is flipping you the bird. Oh real nice, dollar store test!
9) Throw it in the garbage. But on top.
10) After a few hours, go back and rummage through the garbage to find that test. How does it look now? Even a shadow? No? Well you probably tested too late in the day, or too early in your cycle. And you had a lot of water today.
11) Next morning, take a fancy digital test. You can always trust a computer, right?
12) “Not Pregnant” read-out on the digital display. You made that decision too fast! Maybe if you had just waited a little longer, the line would have shown up. Never trust a computer!
13) Crack open the digital pregnancy test. Maybe the screen was confused.
14) Damn. Thank God you got those non-computerized tests, those will know for sure.
15) Next morning, take your early result pregnancy test. Hold it up to your face (pee side away, of course), and attempt to Jedi mind control the test into having two lines.
16) Just one line. Wait, is that a shadow? Why don’t we have a magnifying glass?! Nope still one line. Place on your counter for further analysis at a later time.
17) Fifteen minutes later, go back and check… anything yet? Well this one was probably a dud. You know how common a false negative is?
18) Next morning, take that Pokemon test. It claps and cheers when you pee on it, how fun!
19) Only ONE line. Cheap foreign imports! Add it to your row of tests, for comparison sake. Does today’s test look less negative than the past ones?
20) Continue steps 1-19 until you obtain a positive test.
21) Hahahaha, sucker. Positive test isn’t going to happen. Return to store to purchase mortgage payment in feminine supplies.
22) Come home, and open up a fresh box of wine. Wait to do it all over again next month, or whenever Aunt Flo decides to show up.

Beach Trip...

2011-04-17T18:01:00.000-07:00

I had such a wonderful, relaxing time at the beach. We went a little too early in my opinion. It was rainy and chilly most of the time...we still managed to get a little sun though :) I didn't take nearly enough pics, but here are a few.

My sister-in-law and mother-in-law...I'm such a lucky girl :)

Love this pic...bro-in-law and sis-in-law and my hot hubs :)

We went to Myrtle Beach in SC, this is where my sister and I and my parents would vacay every summer. I was hoping to go back and see the same sights and feel the same feelings I did when I was a kid. Unfortunately, some of the "sights" and attractions were torn down and I guess I've just outgrown MB? Since my mom passed away, I'm always seeking some sort of nostalgic feeling when I go to old places we used to go as a family. Back when life was simple, my parents were together and my mom was alive. It's hard because I don't have a big family whatsoever, and it's just my sister that lives close by. I love reminiscing with her about past times with my parents, but she has her own family now with four children, making her own memories. All I have left of my mother is memories...and sometimes it just isn't enough, but I know it has to be. There will come a day that I will finally have children of my own, and I can create memories with them that they can look back on...trying their very best to find that nostalgic feeling I look for now.

Lately....

2011-04-07T09:26:00.000-07:00

I'm such a ~~boring~~ lazy blogger! I've told ya'll before, I don't blog about much more than my infertility...what an interesting life I lead, I tell ya ;)

The only fairly interesting things going on:

A) I'm going to the beach this Saturday...Hallelujah!! (will post pics when I get back)
B) We truly are trying to build a house, and I do think that will be fun to blog about (for me anyways). Our ideas/plans to build on a certain piece of land have changed, so we are working on something else that is just fantastic!! (God is GOOD)
C) I'm approaching my 33rd birthday and I wanna be sick. Not sure if anyone understands me when I say that IF I had a child and was turning 33 I wouldn't feel so old...but, I've barely started down that road and I'm feeling it.
D) I just started another round of Clomid last night....OOOPS, that was fertility related...hahhaha, I can't help it!

So last month was unsuccessful, the fertility fairies, once again, were not on my side!! I'm not doing an IUI this month, just a medicated round. I'm hoping I won't ever have to do another IUI, and either naturally or with Clomid assistance, I will get pregnant. I go for my follie scan next Friday and I'm hoping and praying for the best this cycle!

Will post when I get back from the BEACH!! Love ya'll!

Facts, Figures and Awareness

2011-03-01T12:02:00.000-08:00

During my recovery time I thought I would, for giggles, add up the cost of infertility so far for us. We only started to "tackle" our infertility after trying for about nine months. So this cost has been in the past ten months. This cost is everything from multiple ultrasounds, HSG, fertility meds, 3 IUI's, SA's, blood work and now my surgery (don't know what the anesthesia bill is yet). Here are the facts and figures...give or take a few dollars, oh and this does NOT include the enormous amount of money spent on ovulation tests and pregnancy tests ;)

FACTS: I'm not pregnant

FIGURES: Drum roll please.... $6,100!!

This is truly not a complaint, just putting into light the monetary effects of infertility. I am MORE than grateful and even MORE blessed to be able to have done what we have done, even coming out of it without a baby. It has brought us much closer in our marriage in a lot of different ways, and it has certainly taught me a lot about myself and others...something that I wouldn't really change if given the opportunity. We will have a child that is wanted more than anything in this world...I can't wait for the day that Jeromy and I are so lost in love with our child...

My sister just texted me and said "Did you know March was Endometriosis Awareness Month"...no I did not. This is pretty cool. Endo is certainly not something that has affected me for a long time, but it has kept me from having children. In doing some more research on it, it affects a lot of women in so many different ways. It's a disease that can wreak havoc on girls and women, and overtime can travel as far as the brain!! Unfortunately for most, it will reoccur time and time again and ultimately end up with a total hysterectomy :( It's something that women should be aware of and pay close attention to. Not sure what I can do to contribute to March's awareness, I will look into it, but I know that I can lift up women struggling with this disease and pray they find peace, resolution and comfort...free of endometriosis.

Follow up

2011-02-26T15:25:00.000-08:00

Short recap, as I'm on pain meds and ready to lay my head down. Surgery went well!! Answered prayers all around. First, from what my husband tells me, Dr J said my endometriosis was bad and affected all of my lady organs except my bowels...WOW!! Good news for us because of our failed attempts at TTC. It is what I wanted to hear...just praying that this surgery works for that purpose. It is kinda scary knowing I had it that bad, because eventually it will come back.

I didn't get sick, but I did get quite nauseas and immediately asked for something to help with that. I'm very sore, but actually feeling better than I thought I would feel! The two most bothersome things are the fact that I can't pee real well because of the cathader. What an awful feeling to have a full bladder and only be able to pee just a little, uughh...hope that doesn't last long. Also, another side affect is the shoulder pain from air traveling upwards due to the carbon dioxide they bloat your abdomen with...OUCH! This shoulder pain is actually worse than the abdomen pain. But honestly, I can't complain, I am doing great!!

Once again, I can't say a big enough thank you for the sweet messages of support, prayers and love...I'm so grateful and lucky to have such great support, it means soo much to me!!!!

Since I came home all doped up yesterday, I can't stop praising God for all the undeserved answered prayers and blessings...God is sooo good!!

Randomness and Surgery...

2011-02-24T04:37:00.000-08:00

My lap surgery is tomorrow...excited and nervous is how I'm feeling! I'm nervous because I've never had surgery before, and you know the biggest thing I'm scared of.....throwing up after waking up!! ha! Shouldn't be my biggest concern right? I'm excited though because I'm praying and hoping that there is something there to "fix"! It would be the biggest bummer if he went in and all looked fine. Bummer because endo wouldn't be my "issue" and bummer because of how expensive it is! In my pre-op I almost wanted to make a pact with my doc to tell my husband that there WAS endo, even if there wasn't. My hubs just doesn't want all this done in vain. But, as Dr J says, he wouldn't do this if he didn't truly think I had it, so we'll see...

Now for a bit of the most random thoughts and going ons:

*I wish I could blog about more than just my infertility!!
*Baseball season is upon us and I'm dreeeading it...wondering if I can even get pregnant during BB season because my hubs is soo incredibly "committed"
*Would like to get back to my "pre trying to make a baby and failing" weight
*Is hoping that my IRL friends/family and my sweet cyber friends would finally get their miracle too...I pray for you frequently by name!!
*Loves Emily on the Bachelor...team Emily!
*Is thinking if I got pregnant in a couple months, I might have a leap year baby ;)
*Gas prices...WTH?? Just bought a Tahoe...WTH??
*Reading "Prince of Tides", just started it and it already seems like a great pick!
*Wants twins...one and done, please and thank you ;)
*Sees the good in infertility every once in a while, there is ALWAYS some good to come out of suffering...
*Regarding the statement above, I fall more and more in love with my amazing and supportive husband everyday
*I don't want Oprah to end :(
*Can't wait to go on vacation in April...it's time!
*Hates having to be at work at 6:30am...blaaaahhhhhh I hate mornings!!
*I'm secretly scared to have a baby...I mean, it's life changing...but I'm so ready!
*Excited to be catching up on some movies this weekend while I recover
*Is hoping my awesome cousin has an amazing birthday today...LOVE YOU Jen!
*That's all, for now...

Disturbing baby dreams

2011-02-09T06:16:00.000-08:00

Just like when you're planning your wedding and you have these devastating dreams of wedding day disasters, I have the same about having a baby!!

This is not the first dream by far, and probably won't be the last.

Last night (or more like this morning) I dreamt I was pregnant...fun right?? NOT! Why can't I have sweet dreams of having and holding a pretty, healthy little baby? In all of my dreams I always have this SMALL baby bump, but yet I'm almost due. Last night it was the same thing, and I kept asking the nurse why I was so small. My hubs was there and I was worried why I was so small, but I kept saying to him "well at least I won't have much weight to lose" (this is a little fear of mine, all worth it, but I can see why it pops up in my dreams!).

Anyways, so I feel these pains which I'm assuming are contractions. My nurse walks me through the delivery room so I am familiar with the setup. Wellll, this delivery room was a stage and there was an audience to watch me deliver, mostly friends and family. The nurse explained there would also be another lady next to me delivering too and that there were people there for her, but watching me as well. I remember thinking in my dream how odd that was, but I never questioned it.

After the interesting tour, my nurse sat me down and started going over some test results. I was so anxious to hear them, because I just knew there was a problem because I was so small. The nurse starts laughing hysterically, and I keep asking her "What? What?". She said, "Your baby definitely has some problems, not even sure surgery will fix them. Your babies heart has some major issues and it probably won't survive, but we'll just have to wait and see." I just remember feeling so sunk with despair, anguish and sadness while this crazy lady just kept laughing...and then I woke up....thank God!!!!

Pleeeease Lord, no more bad dreams like this!!!! Apparently I have a lot going on in that subconscious mind of mine. My sister-in-law and I were just talking about dreams and how they make you feel right when you wake up. It's like you still feel that same emotion that was in your dream, right when you wake up and it takes a while for it to dissipate. She had a dream of her hubs cheating (I've had a few of those too), and you wake up MAD as heck at your hubs...as if he TRULY did exactly what you dreamt about. If I had a bad dream about someone, I have to call them to tell them I love them or see how they're doing. But, these baby dreams...I just have to put it out of my mind!

Seriously...WHY???

2011-02-04T08:23:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna make this short and sweet...not sweet, but short because I have GOT to get moving and run some errands today.

I was supposed to start my period on Monday and when it didn't come, I naturally got a little excited. Tuesday comes, nothing. Wednesday, nothing. Thursday, nothing. I tested Wednesday night and got a faint positive..WOW, Thursday morning another faint positive... even bigger WOW!! So, I called my RE and they asked me to come in for a blood test (this was yesterday). Let me just throw in that when I was talking to the girl at the RE's office about the faint positives and how I was 3 days late (which I never am), she started to take my blood and said this "Oh, you're definitely pregnant"...insert even more giddy excitement here!! Words could not even describe how ridiculously excited I was Thursday morning...I was OUT.OF.CONTROL!! I went back to work after the blood test and shared the news with a couple girls that know my struggle...all we could do was giggle and act crazy. HOURS later, I mean the longest hours of my life, I called my RE's office right when they came back from lunch. I told her I couldn't wait anymore and I was curious if they had the results. She placed me on hold and came back..."Amy I'm sorry the HCG levels aren't high enough, it's a negative". I was soo short with her and got off QUICK!

Well, you know I've heard that before (like 19ish times), so I guess I expected it...but the higher your hopes, the harder the fall!! I've never been that late, I've NEVER gotten a positive test...so, yea, I was pretty hopeful. Well, about two hours later, the RE's office called me back. Deborah just wanted to let me know that my Dr had a chance to look over my labs and it was his opinion that I certainly was pregnant, but unfortunately the little egg was unable to implant in my uterus....this is called a chemical pregnancy. Another term would be a verry early miscarriage. I almost even hate to use the word miscarriage, I feel like that does some injustice to women who truly experience heartbreaking miscarriages...but that is the term for chemical pregnancy :( I think sweet little Deborah learned her lesson about saying "Oh, you're definitely pregnant"...I mean she works in an infertility clinic, probably not a good thing to say to someone, but she is the sweetest so I forgive her ;) So, now I just wait for something...a period, a slight miscarriage...who knows??

Also, I learned a week ago during my annual pap that I might have endometriosis :( I have several symptoms and indicators. Kinda makes sense really, I just wish someone had mentioned this earlier! So, I will be doing this lap surgery on February 25th in HIGH hopes that it will help my infertility...also a bonus that it will help my heavy and crampy cycles. It's overwhelming knowing I will be having to have surgery, but also that it seems to be quite expensive :( Anyone had this that can advise on any part of it??

I still feel like the most blessed and loved child of God! He is amazing and has provided me with more strength and peace than I could ever imagine...truly a peace that surpasses all understanding. Valleys aren't meant to be destinations, just a journey for a place of learning...thanks Charles Stanley!!

I won't be that kind of parent...

2011-01-25T18:01:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's called bargaining, I don't know, you tell me. Since I have been trying to conceive and have failed, I obviously view things a little different and have become a tad more opinionated. Being more opinionated has it's advantages and disadvantages. It can make you wiser or it can make you more bitter, unfortunately.

I now have opinions about almost everything to do with moms, babies, infertility, parenting and so forth. It seems like everyday I see mothers (and fathers) that mistreat their children, directly or indirectly. I feel that I am 10x more aware of this now that I'm infertile. I see parents yank their kids around, scream at their kids, spank their kids (short of beating them), feed their toddlers Mountain Dew (seriously??), resent their children and the list goes on. My first thought is always...I won't be that kind of parent! Then I begin to daydream about parenting my beautiful child. I will love on them beyond measure, I will feed them so well (organic, of course), I will certainly NOT feed them sugary drinks, I will put them in time-out for only the amount of minutes that equates to how old they are, I will teach them right and wrong, I will show them how to be givers, I will (most importantly) bring them up knowing the Lord...praying vigilantly, loving others and worshiping the Lord. I will, essentially, be the perfect parent...right?? Ha ;)

Sometimes, well a lot of times, my prayer begins like this "Lord, I promise I will raise our child up to live for YOU, to do your will, to be the best person they can be. Lord, I will do my very best, I have so much love to give, please please bless me with a child. And, Heavenly Father, why would you give children to people that can't care for them or just don't want them. I want a child so bad and I will do the right thing for YOU, I promise!!" That's bargaining, isn't it?? Yea, I thought so :(

As I have said before, my desire to have a child is so strong and failing at it is heartbreaking. I'm just being honest here, and hope that I don't offend anyone...anyone that feeds their toddler Mountain Dew, I apologize, sort of. I just hope that those mama's out there appreciate what they have and love on those babies...conception, truly, is a miracle.

Forget my Infertility......

2011-01-19T09:53:00.000-08:00

When I see stuff like this, it makes my problems seem so small and trivial. I stumbled upon this blog through another blog, and haven't stopped praying (and shedding some tears) since. Please stop by... and lift Joanne up in your prayers.

IF I do get pregnant this month....

2011-01-19T06:56:00.000-08:00

it certainly won't be because of a successful IUI :( So, when I called the RE's office last week to talk about my impromptu IUI, she explained that when I get a positive OPK to call them. Wellll, I got one Monday (or so it looked that way) and tried to call them and they were closed...she failed to tell me they would be closed! Basically, my only option was to go ahead and go on in Tuesday morning and do the IUI. Long story short, it was wayyy to soon...but this resulted in my understanding of a slight "issue" I might have. We went ahead and did the IUI because I had the "goods" and didn't want to waste them.

I went in on CD16 and my follicles were only a 13 and a 14. He said I probably wouldn't even ovulate until like Thursday or Friday, which would be CD18 or 19. I've had a sneaky suspicion that I ovulate late, but didn't realize what a problem that actually can be! Basically if your "luteal phase" isn't roughly about 12+ days long, it can be very hard to conceive. The luteal phase starts the day that you ovulate until the day you get your period. If an egg gets fertilized it needs time to travel to the uterus and get implanted...if the egg doesn't make it in time, your menstruation begins and flushes out the egg EVEN IF IT WAS FERTILIZED :( It makes total sense to me. I read that women with this issue can and do conceive, it just doesn't make it in time to the uterus. My cycle length is generally 29-30 (no more, no less) days and if I ovulate around CD19, that is giving the egg only 10 or 11 days to make the journey :( I'm not saying this is the absolute issue with me, but it really makes a lot of sense to me. Jero's numbers yesterday were AWESOME, so I know his guys can get the job done ;)

My doc said that even though I ovulate regularly, I'm certainly a candidate for meds now that we know I ovulate much later. The meds will help draw in that ovulation date by a couple days. Annnd, apparently a high daily dose of B6 helps the luteal phase tremendously! So, if no success this month I want to try meds with no IUI because it's much cheaper...and heaven knows, it's getting expensive!

I will be back for an update soon :) Praying, praying, praying for a miracle!!

Quick change...

2011-01-13T17:51:00.000-08:00

So, in thinking about the possibility of doing an IUI in February, I realized that we will be in Orlando visiting my Grandpa right in the middle of the big "O"! So my mind has been wandering around different options. I knew it was too late to do an IUI this month because I'm currently on day 11...the usual protocol is to take Clomid on days 5-9, too late! Well, my wandering mind and fingers (Dr. Google) took me to a place that I hadn't even thought of.

As we know to be true, I ovulate normally and regularly (and beautifully as my RE says). I don't really need meds to ovulate, the only good thing for me is that the meds do help produce multiple and bigger follicles...BUT, I don't need meds!! We've decided to do a last minute (less expensive) UNmedicated IUI cycle. Basically we will do the baby dance on our own starting this weekend and throw in the IUI in the middle of next week closer to ovulation. I'm really excited about this and just pray, pray, pray it WORKS! Also, in conjuction with the IUI I will be using those "cups" I mentioned before. They are used for fertility now and have a TON of positive (positive meaning positive pregnancy tests, yay) feedback!

I will keep ya'll updated :) :) :)

Absent...

2011-01-11T08:55:00.000-08:00

I'm truly a bad blogger. I guess I'm so caught up in TTC that if there isn't anything going on on that front, I have nothing to talk about...kinda pathetic :( I honestly don't have much to talk about and don't wanna blog about my trivial days just to have something to blog about.

So, I'm excited about the new year and pray it has better things in store for us. I'm praying for change, mostly change within my own heart! It's not something I can do on my own, and I am relying on the Lord for a renewed spirit, mind and heart :)

I wasn't ready to jump back into another IUI in January because of all the hustle and bustle of the holidays. However, unless I get pregnant this month by some miracle from the fertility fairies, we will be doing a 3rd IUI next month. I'm going to request a back to back IUI in hopes of success!! If the 3rd one doesn't work, I doubt I will want to do a 4th. We certainly can't afford IVF, but I would give anything to do IVF so I guess we could start saving for it?!

This is probably way TMI and "over-sharing", but has anyone tried the "cups"...called Diva cup or some other name?? I won't go into detail, if you're TTC you know what I'm talking about. So, I'm curious if anyone knows anything about these??

I'll be back with updates :) THANK YOU so much for all the wonderful support, it means sooo much and I truly appreciate it.

IUI #2

2010-12-05T20:27:00.000-08:00

Did not work. I was under the impression that the 1st failed IUI was the hardest...not true. I'm in a funky place right now. Tears overflowing :( After the initial shock/pain of the negative results, now I am just left with an overwhelming feeling of just letting people down...again. It's ok though, clearly His timing is just not right yet. I've just lost a lot of steam, but will prayerfully gain some strength and courage back to move on.

God-Given Dream

2010-11-21T18:38:00.000-08:00

I have a God-given dream to have a baby. The Lord put the desire in my heart a long time ago to be a mother. If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time, you know the struggle I am going through and certainly know how very badly I want a child. I get very upset every time a cycle ends and I haven't gotten pregnant. I don't understand why it hasn't happened. I've gone through all types of scenarios in my mind as to what could be causing this infertility...and boy have I come up with a plethora of reasons, all because of Dr. Google <----by the way I don't like Dr. Google. I just get soo frustrated!!  All the "why me's" and all the horrible feelings of jealousy and bitterness are sometimes just too overwhelming.  I wonder why other people seem so much more blessed than me in that area....that's where the "why me" comes in.

But then...I hear God's word and I'm reminded about my God-given dream.  I LOVE when I am in need of hearing something that will speak right to my heart, and then there it is...God speaking right through a guest pastor tonight at church. Words so powerful, a perspective so clear that you KNOW God is present and powerful in your life. What I know is that if it took this journey for me to realize that I am not in control, than I'm OK with that. I'm OK with the fact that I have been sooo humbled by this process...so humbled that I will continue to worship and serve our great Lord, even if I'm not blessed with a biological child. I have to remember that I am not worshiping God's activities, I'm worshiping His identity, our guest Pastor hit the nail on the head here.

It's very hard when we want something so bad, to not pray in that way. I want so badly to just seek Him and not what I think He can bless me with.  I AM so blessed though. I'm sooo soooo thankful for my salvation and what Jesus did on the cross for us...isn't that enough to be blessed with?? Everything in my life was given to me from our Lord, it's not mine, and I have been given so much. In the face of disappointment, pain, loss I will always worship our Lord NO.MATTER.WHAT. I will not compromise my God-given values just to have my God-given dream...

Follie check

2010-11-21T08:04:00.000-08:00

I went for my follie scan on Friday to see what my little ovaries were up to. I, again, have TWO follicles (18mm). This time I have two on my right ovary and none in my left. Last time my left follicle collapsed, I'm hoping these both release and are mature enough...I've had a little discussion with the follies, so they know their job! Jero had to give me my HCG shot last night, he did a great job!! I go in tomorrow morning at 8:15 for the insemination...will keep you updated :)

“Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen."

Matthew 21:21

Giving in...

2010-11-15T18:02:00.000-08:00

I've been debating on blogging about our next steps. I really struggled with our 1st IUI failing...like I said before, I just had realllllly high hopes about it. Then I struggled with having to face soo many people about it. I was soo incredibly excited that we were blessed enough to be able to do the IUI, I basically shouted it from the roof tops. My friends and family are and were amazing through the wait and then wonderful after the crappy news. But in the end, I think it was just too hard to have to go to ALL those people and say it didn't work.

Soooo, we are doing a 2nd IUI this month. I'm only telling a very few family members. If you read my blog and you're a friend or family member...than I guess you're in on it with me (and furthermore, I won't know who knows and who doesn't). But, I do think this is far different than blabbing it all over the place, and that's what got my heart in trouble last time!

About the IUI. I'm on CD8 and have been taking Clomid for the past few days. I have a monitoring ultrasound Friday to see what the ol' ovaries are up to. That's only CD12 for me which is way too early, but it seems they don't wanna come in on the weekend just for an ultrasound. The one thing we are going to do differently is the timing of the IUI. On my first one, in my heart I just felt that it was too late for the IUI. He did an ultrasound right before the insemination and he said I had already ovulated...which is fine, but it's always best to have the swimmers up there right before ovulation! So this time, we are going to do it 24 hours after I get the HCG trigger shot, instead of 36 hours like before.

Jeromy is in Florida for a baseball tournament all week and comes back on Sunday. Looks like we will be doing the IUI Monday morning (week of Thanksgiving), so it's cutting it a little close, ha! I gave him some specific instructions for his trip...one being to PLEASE not spend all day in the hot tub. He said he would be in it everyday just to ensure his muscles aren't too sore from the games...uggghh! As we probably all know, that is NO bueno for the swimmers so hopefully he will sacrifice a little and stay out! I usually go with him on this trip, but I just wanted to save my PTO for something more special. Him leaving had me thinking about our last bball trip to FL last year in November. We had been TTC for about 4 or 5 months at that time and I had brought ovulation tests with me, I had never used them before. I got a positive on the first one I took and you would have thought it was a positive pregnancy test, I was sooo excited! I was so naive, I just knew I would get pregnant simply because I had a positive test and we did the baby dance that night....yea right!! Here we are a year later, trying for almost a year and a half. But it's ok, I've learned so much, and in a way, wouldn't change it for the world...

On a superficial note...

2010-10-27T18:30:00.000-07:00

I'm over the initial shock of the failed IUI. A TTC friend of mine told me her first failed IUI was a shocker too. I guess that it's just you figure after trying naturally, surely a procedure like this would work...and when it doesn't, it's just a shock to the system. I've been, coincidentally, seeing and hearing so much in God's word about waiting on Him and being patient. This is the resolve and truth that I remind myself of daily! I really don't want to miss out on the Lord's blessings due to focusing on my own desires and my own needs ahead of His plans for me!!

One of my biggest fears is gaining weight. I KNOW how horrible and SUPERficial that sounds! I have already come to the realization that I will inevitably gain weight when I get pregnant...fine by me, it would soo be worth it! What I haven't expected was gaining weight due to the stress of TTC AND the fertility meds :(

On my honeymoon (three years ago), I weighed 109 lbs! See above picture...and, I thought I was fat at the time...me=crazy!! So, now I weigh 124 lbs, give or take a pound or two...on a good day I weigh 121. I am not even five feet tall, I'm about 4'11". I know that naturally I've gained a little weight from settling into marriage, but I also know that the TTC junk has a lot to do with the most recent weight gain.

This picture is just a couple months ago...my stomach has taken on a whole new shape (my friend next to me has two kids, she looks great)!! Be glad you can't see the rest of my body. Once again, I know this is shallow and I'll probably look back on THIS pic and think I was soo skinny. It's all relative though, and this is yuck to ME. I just feel uncomfortable and not cute lately. I have heard on other blogs and read that fertility meds, particularly Clomid, can cause roughly five to ten pounds of weight gain per cycle!! The kicker is that I hate working out. I'm not good at it, the minute I break a sweat I think it's absolutely time to cool down!

What to do?? Who knows. I'm not doing any meds this cycle, and due to a baseball trip for Jero in November, I won't be doing one next month. But...then here comes the holidays...uggghh! I don't really eat that bad at all. I think I just need to eat even better and maybe push it a little harder at the gym...cause who the heck wants to gain weight BEFORE they get pregnant???

Support

2010-10-13T19:12:00.000-07:00

I received an email the other day from a friend of mine that shares other struggles with me. I feel so compelled to share this email on my blog. It was so beautifully written and I asked her if I could share it here. When she responded to me she said that she felt her words came from the Lord, that she prayed for the right things to say to me. I hope in sharing this email, it will bring others comfort, as it did me.

Hey Amy. I read your blog post on Sunday night. I just wanted to say that I admire your courage in sharing your struggles. Transparency in your struggles is a gift you give your close family and friends. I think so many relationships are lacking because people are afraid to share their hurt and heartache. God is glorified on such a magnificent level through our suffering. When we suffer and proclaim that God is enough!!! That takes strength and courage and such a deep faith. Its easy to share the good times with people but I don't think (I could be wrong here)it makes as deep an impact on the hearts of others. This is a heartbreaking journey. It can crush you and cause you to lose faith, but Our Heavenly Father IS sovereign over your life. I think when we cry out in pain to HIM he will wrap His arms around you and comfort you in a way that no person can. Be angry, sad and frustrated. He knows your heart and loves you no matter what.

“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” 1 Peter 5:10

Praying for you!

Ashley

Stork on Strike...

2010-10-10T17:17:00.000-07:00

Apparently my Stork is on strike. Unfortunately the IUI did not work. Heartbroken doesn't even describe it. A lot of emotions balled up into a hot mess ----> ME! I'm upset with myself for several things. I'm such an open person, to a fault. I let everyone in on everything, all the time. I'm not a very private person, never have been. I shared this experience with a lot of people, a lot of family and friends and I feel so foolish for doing that. It's not anyone's fault but my own. They have been amazingly supportive and encouraging through this. However, the sadness and frustration is not only a part of Jeromy and I and hard on us, it's hard on them. They don't want to see me hurt, then I hurt because they are hurt for me. It's one thing for Jeromy and I to be let down, but to share that with so many people has become very hard. I realize now, finally, that it should be a little more of a private journey for us. I guess I never could foresee this aspect of sharing it with everyone. I realized this when, on Friday, my sister-in-law (who is amazing) asked me how I was "feeling" (meaning if I felt pregnant) and by this time I already knew I was not and she was probably the 10th person to ask me...I looked at her and said "No I don't feel anything and I don't want to talk about it anymore" and just started crying and had to leave the room. It hit me like a ton of bricks, I can't do it anymore, it's too much to bear to bring my family and friends in on something that is so sensitive to all of us, not just me.

I'm also upset with myself for the feelings of bitterness, jealousy and judgement that I'm experiencing at this moment. Through this journey I've had a few "punches in the gut"...or maybe it's just little pity parties! I see pregnant women everywhere, I see newborns everywhere and it is really depressing. I attend a (mega) church where there are roughly 5-6 thousand members and TODAY a cute little couple with a brand new baby sit right in front of me...WHY?? Working on a better attitude...

We are going to take a break now. As hard as this has been on our marriage, I realize now more than ever what an amazing husband I have. What a rock he is, what an encourager! Thank God he takes things in stride, because lately I just can't. My prayer is that he will always lead us with strong hands. We're in it together, forever. As if right out of the movie "Steel Magnolias", Jeromy just says "We'll adopt if we have to". I love him.

As far as blogging, as you can see I blog about nothing else but trying to have a baby. First, my life isn't that interesting. Second, really it's all that I can think about and it's sooo therapeutic to blog about it. That's where I'm torn because it truly helps me to blog and I can keep up with my TTC friends too. I will keep my blog updated as far as I feel comfortable doing. We are trying to build a house right now, so I will definitely blog about that once it gets started as well...that is VERY exciting!!

As I have mentioned on my blog before, I have always and will always pray for women that are in the same struggle as I am in. I read countless blogs of women that have continued to try for years, only to fail time and time again. Thousands of money spent on IUI's and IVF's with the highest of hopes and the most faithful hearts only to be broken. One blogger spoke of hearing about a woman battling cancer AND infertility, she described her struggle with infertility being as difficult as her battle with cancer!! I can't even speak on that, but that is powerful. One thing I have learned and have been humbled by is that everyone struggles with something...it's a basic piece of wisdom, but it's always good to remember. I will keep praying for YOU!

I love the little reminders that seem to pop up "mysteriously" in my time of hurt. In college I had the most amazing group of girlfriends. There were six of us and we called ourselves the "Sexy Six Pack"...that is the funniest thing ever! We thought we were too cool for a sorority (we were), so we appropriately gave ourselves that name. Anyways, yesterday I came across this box of old college pics and notes. One year we decided to sit down and pass around paper and write something that we love about each other. My beautiful friend Erin wrote "I love the way your face lights up when you are around children, you'll be an awesome mom one day"! It was what I needed to hear right at that moment...it didn't bother me or make me wanna burst into tears, it made me smile, it was perfect! I came across that note for a reason, He works in mysterious ways.

This is the prayer I put on my first post regarding TTC, it just needed re-posting....

Heavenly Father, thank you for all the blessings in my life, they are countless.

All of my life I have dreamt of being a mother,
of raising children with loving hearts,
to do your will on this earth.

Teach me how to patiently wait on you father,
Strengthen me to never grow weary.
I know that through you all things are possible.

Amen

To test?

2010-10-07T14:56:00.000-07:00

The joys of trying to conceive have become few and far between. It's more like the stress of TTC, or the anxiety of TTC or the frustration of TTC. However, I can find a little humor in it still. I was reminded of this humor stumbling upon one of my TTC friend's blogs today. A while back (maybe when I had more humor about the TTC journey) I posted a list of one liners "You Know You're TTC When:" It really is soo funny and sooo darn true, almost depressingly true!

I would say for at least the first nine months of trying, I was a home pregnancy tester FREAK (a serial POAS'er in TTC terms)! I should most definitely have stock in these. I've bought the cheap, the expensive and everything in between. At five days out of getting my period I would start testing! However, after sooo many negatives it did start to become too emotional and expensive, so I stopped. I always buy them at the same place, Walgreens...it's convenient, it's on my way home from work. Whenever I go check out, I always get the same cashier. It's an older sweet lady. She never misses a beat. Every single time I check out she says "Awww, will this be your first?" I just look at her and say "Yes, God willing". She replies "Ooooh I bet you'll be a great mother, I hope you're pregnant". Inevitably I go back in a few days after buying the HPT's and buy stupid tampons!

So, I am itching to go to Walgreens after work today. I am less than five days away from getting my period OR NOT getting it. I keep wavering. I'm a little crampy, different kinda crampy, but still crampy...and that has me in the dumps! I'm not sure if I could endure another "Will this be your first?" or another negative pregnancy test. I have felt no symptoms this month. Problem is if I test too early it could show a false positive due to the HCG shot I had. Apparently a test can show positive for like 12 days or something, from the shot? Now that would be a cruel joke :( Maybe I might just test to see something positive in all of this, even if it is false.

Anyways, I am still hopeful, I probably sound a little negative but I think I'm just apprehensive is all. I think I will buy some tests, maybe I won't see the sweet check out lady :) I'll keep ya'll posted...I should know something this weekend!

And the wait begins...

2010-09-27T17:36:00.000-07:00

So, my IUI went very smoothly!! All the nerves were mostly in vain, as they ALWAYS are! Seriously, it was painless. I guess I had my HSG in my head and how that procedure was quite uncomfortable (for those that might stumble on my blog and haven't had an HSG, it was uncomfortable for ME, not for everyone) and I just figured the IUI would feel similar, but to my surprise I didn't feel a thing! Praise God, because I am a BABY. As most of my friends and family wonder...how will I actually have a baby because I am such a baby?? I bet it's worth it, don't ya think?

Dr H did an ultrasound before he began the procedure and told me that one of my follies "collapsed", so only one little eggie has a chance! Sounds good to me. Now I just have to wait TWO long weeks and monitor every little symptom I have...back to being crazy pants for a bit, yay!

So, I just figure positive thoughts produce positive results and faithful prayers can certainly produce miracles...that's what God is in the business of doing, right?

I've received so many amazing text msgs, email msgs and blog msgs from family and friends expressing their support, concern and love for us. I'm so humbled by the thoughts and prayers that I have recieved, words can't even express my gratitude. I (we) feel so loved and supported and that makes it sooo much easier! It's amazing how one little text msg can bring so much joy! Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

Follie Check...double trouble ;)

2010-09-24T13:22:00.000-07:00

As planned, I went in for my "follie" check this morning! I have TWO almost mature follies! Oh my! I honestly didn't think that would happen. I know...really silly. I mean, I knew there was a possibility of having multiple follicles due to the fertility meds. When I took my less stronger meds several months ago, I only had one mature follicle...so that's what I figured would happen again, but apparently with Clomid, higher chances of multiple follicles. This only means a higher chance of getting pregnant, my doctor assured me the chance for twins is low...but in the same breath said it's always possible with more than one follicle, takes my breath away! Hey, I'm just praying for one healthy swimmer to meet one healthy eggie and produce one healthy baby!! The awesomeness (not sure if that's a word, pretty sure it's not) of conception is still not lost on me...especially now, through our struggle! Is it not the most amazing thing God ever majestically designed?? WOW...

Something else Dr. H realized today is that I'm not "ready" for the IUI just yet. I was tentatively scheduled for tomorrow morning, however the follicles are not quite mature yet. I can't quite remember the measurements, but I believe they were 15 and 17 and they should be like 19 or something? I was too busy being shocked at seeing two to focus on what he was saying! Sooo...I will take one more ovulation test tomorrow morning and if it's positive I will do the IUI on Sunday morning. If it's not positive I will have someone give me an HCG shot Saturday night and do the IUI Monday morning. That someone might just be Jeromy. I laughed when the nurse said Jeromy could give it to me...I replied "Um, yea, he probably won't do that!" Shortly after I left I called Jero to laugh with him at the possibility of him actually giving me a shot in my butt...and he replied "Sure, I can do that!" I said "Really, you could/would do that"? "Of course" he said. Sometimes I underestimate his wonderfulness (once again, not sure if it's a word)!! I love that boy!!

I'll keep everyone posted on how it all goes down this weekend :) Still asking for prayers please...

In the words of Chris Tomlin and Romans 8:31... "If our God is for us, than what can stand against?"

Faith, Hope and Hot Flashes...

2010-09-22T18:32:00.000-07:00

Let's start with the latter word from my title...HOT FLASHES!! I knew it was a side effect from the meds, but W.O.W! I got a small glimpse of menopause and it ain't pretty...the heat starts at your toes and by the time it reaches your face, you're sweating and look like you're sporting a lovely sunburn! I'm sure my body went from 98.6 degrees to 110 in less than 3 seconds!! And...my husband would like to say I was a tad bit moody and quite emotional to boot! Let me be clear...I'm not complaining, just explaining :) Don't mess with a woman's hormones....just saying!

I'm still unsure why I'm anxious about doing the IUI on Saturday. I'm not anxious about becoming pregnant, just the actual procedure...and the wait. Also, the economy hit close to home recently, so we definitely don't have a shortage of things to pray about! I'm reading a book right now that discusses the fact that the devil works diligently to gain strong holds (or mind traps) within our minds. Placing doubts and fears that try and confuse us and separate us from our Lord. I'm realizing how very easy it is to allow these "traps" to grow bigger and bigger. Satan is a liar and I am praying for VICTORY over this...in Jesus' name!!

I realize I don't always know what is going to happen or the outcome of the situation, but I do know that God's perfect love is reigning over us and it will always work out for our good! Living in faith and hope right now. Lots and lots of prayers going up. And...the knowledge that we are living in God's miracle working realm....

The LORD is my light and my salvation—

whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

~Psalm 27:1

Pics from Ash's Bachelorette Party...

2010-09-15T20:37:00.000-07:00

The uploading option for pics has changed since the last time I uploaded, which was a while ago! These pics are so scattered and out of order! I just wanted to post some pics from Ashley's (my sis-in-law) Bachelorette party at the beach! I've gotta find some wedding pics too...but here's a few for now! I LOVE ASHLEY!!

This is not Ashley, this is my friend Alison. That would be the beautiful bride in the background giving the peace sign!

Results---------------------

2010-09-15T06:51:00.000-07:00

The results from the FSH testing were good. It was 5.5, anything below a 10 is good. I thought this was a very important and informative test, so I'm way happy with the results! I've got some eggies left!!!!

IUI update...

2010-09-13T18:19:00.000-07:00

So, of course I started my cycle right on cue this month :( But, I have my "back up plan", so I'm at ease...for now! I went in today for my "day 3" blood test to check my egg reserve, I should get the results tomorrow and I'm so anxious to hear them. I will update with a quick little post tomorrow with the results. I was told today that anything below a "10" is a good/positive result, so we'll see!

Dr. H had told me in my last appointment that he wanted to do an ultrasound just to see for himself what, if anything, was going on with my baby making stuff. Dr. J (my Ob-gyn) has already done three on me in the past few months and never said he saw anything of concern. So during my ultrasound today, Dr. H found two uterine fibroid cysts. He asked me if Dr. J had ever mentioned them before, and of course, he hadn't. Just a side note: I have been extremely disappointed with Dr. J in the past for things he disregarded as trivial, things he overlooked and inappropriate things he has said (not dirty inappropriate, just disrespectful and hurtful comments). Sooo, something else that I'm frustrated about is the fact that Dr. J didn't either notice or just didn't mention these. Side effects of having these cysts (not to be confused with ovarian cysts) is heavy, long and painful periods. I have spoken to Dr. J about this recent problem. I have never had heavy, long or painful periods as long as I can remember. However, basically just since we started TTC my cycles got this way. Dr. J said stuff like that just happens sometimes...maybe it could be cysts?? I'm not going to dwell on it, but this is something that could have easily been preventing us from becoming pregnant.

Dr. H still wants to proceed with the IUI because he doesn't feel that the cysts are big enough to interfere with the procedure. Furthermore, I'm game too because my body can put up all the road blocks it wants, but the Lord performs miracles everyday and I'm a believer!!!!

So, I start my meds on Wednesday thru Sunday. I go in next Friday for another ultrasound, and if that looks good we'll be doing the IUI on that Saturday or Sunday. Just wanted to give an update and we're asking humbly for your prayers. This is a NERVE racking journey full of a ton of fears, for me anyways. I'm off the charts with excitement about doing this and the potential AMAZING outcome of it...but the excitement, at this point, is still somewhat overshadowed with anxiety. Prayers for Jeromy's continued love and support to sustain us through this would be appreciated....as I know it can be frustrating for him to "deal" with me in all of this (I can be difficult, as hard as it is to believe that ;) )

Thank you in advance for the prayers, positive thoughts and support through this journey :) It means sooo much to us!!

What's Next?

2010-08-24T19:13:00.000-07:00

Since my post before last, dated April 11th, I have tried my very best to hand our TTC concerns/doubts/needs/desires over to the Lord. Some days and weeks were easier than others. I prayed for the Lord to deliver me from all my anxiety over trying to control this. This may sound silly, but it helps me so much to place those prayers, concerns and doubts in the palm of my hands, and with all my heart, mind and strength reach up and let the Lord take them right out of my hands. For the past four months I have worked on not trying to "time" everything so perfectly, not ruminating over every possible symptom, not stressing my hubby out (very important, even though he's pretty good about this stuff)...and having that "if it happens, it happens" attitude. Well, I can say that it was quite a bit less stressful, I can say that my prayers worked in reducing my anxiety and I can say I really enjoyed my summer. What I can't say is that it worked. But IT.IS.OK!!

Here we are today. I want to tell you what our plans are and keep you updated from now on. In June I did do a required procedure in the fertility process. I believe I wrote about it before. I did a procedure called an HSG, which is basically when a catheter is put through a woman's cervix, balloons the uterus and dye is run through the fallopian tubes to ensure there is no blockage. It was quite uncomfortable, but all was clear, which is such a blessing! This test was supposed to be therapeutic and diagnostic...so far it hasn't proved to be therapeutic, and this is where a little frustration got me really wanting to move on to the next step.

We are now going on our 14th cycle of TTC. I'm 32, I know NOT old, but when it's not happening naturally the clock ticks louder. We would love to have two children, and what if this continues to happen? I want to take the next step. I don't know why I feel the need to defend myself, but I kinda do sometimes. I love it when people in my life say "Go girl, be aggressive, go after what you want, you've waited long enough". It's kinda hard to hear people say "Are you sure, be more patient, you're so young, take your time". I don't get mad, I never could, it's just hard when people don't understand...and I understand this.

So, after several months of trying, taking meds, more months of trying and an HSG (and don't forget Jero's call of duty) we are ready. I made an appointment with a fertility doctor to go over options with us. We've been seeing my OBGYN, but he can only do so much for us. I had my appointment today with my new fertility doctor, whom we can call Dr H. I had to fill out a small amount of paperwork that was about as thick as a paperback book, give or take a few pages. I signed in, gave my insurance card (which was absolutely pointless) and waited. Nerves were abound. When I made the appointment I was filled with excitement and hope. When I got there I was a nervous wreck?? Finally, I was taken back to meet with Dr H in his office...I felt like I was being interviewed, not in a bad way, but that was the type of setting it was. Before the appointment my husband asked if he should come and I said "No, I don't want to overwhelm you, I'll go this one alone"....oh how I wish I had done different, I wanted him there with me so bad.

Dr H began going over stats about Jero and I, asking lots of "female" questions, family history questions and so on. The conclusion he made from my previous records with my OBGYN and through my answers, was that there were no major factors contributing to our infertility. I learned that infertility usually occurs 40% of the time due to the woman, 40% of the time due to the man and 20% due to unknown factors. We fall into the 20% category. This is a good thing actually (for right now). Our best option would be Artificial Insemenation, also called IUI. This procedure is very effective for couples like ourselves who do not suffer from major infertility issues. Sooo, the steps are that I finish out this cycle (of course I'm praying ever so hard that I get pregnant this month and won't have to do the IUI), once I start my next cycle I go in on day 3 to get blood work to determine the amount of eggs I have. I will start a stronger fertility medicine than I took before (yuck, yuck and YUCK) on days 5-9. I go in for an ultrasound on day 13 to check my follicles, do the IUI a few days after that and then do another ultrasound. Looking at the calendar I would do the IUI around September 28 give or take a day or two...so we still have a few weeks to go.

We are very excited about this, we have sooo much HOPE riding on this. Jeromy gets upset with me when my hopes get too high, he can keep things in perspective pretty well...I cannot. I know whatever happens, will happen as it should according to His plan. My last post speaks of such wisdom, strength, patience and understanding of waiting on the Lord. I go back and re-read that pretty frequently, I need to be reminded.

Lord, I'm so thankful for your unmerited grace, mercy and favor you have over me. I hold strong to your promises and ask for your guidance in our decisions, help us to always seek you first in all that we do. We give you all the glory, Lord.

Oh How He Loves Us...

2010-07-25T20:00:00.000-07:00

We should not only understand the importance of our waiting on God but also realize something even more wonderful-the Lord waits on us. And the very thought of His waiting on us will give us renewed motivation and inspiration to "wait for him". It will also provide inexpressible confidence that our waitng will never be in vain. Therefore, in the spirit of waiting on God, let us seek to discover exactly what it means right now.

The Lord has an inconceivably glorious purpose for each of His children. "If this is true," you ask, "why is it that He continues to wait longer and longer to offer His grace and to provide the help I seek, even after I have come and waited on Him?" He does so because He is a wise gardener who "waits for the land to yield it's valuable crop" and is "patient...for the autumn and spring rains" (James 5:7). God knows He cannot gather the fruit until it's ripe, and He knows precisely when we are spiritually ready to receive blessings for our gain and His glory. And waiting in the sunshine of His love is what will ripen our soul for His blessings. Also, waiting under the clouds of trials is as important, for they will ultimately produce showers of blessings.

Rest assured that if God waits longer than we desire, it is simply to make the blessings doubly precious. Remember, He waited four thousand years, "but when the time had fully come, God sent his Son" (Gal. 4:4). Our time is in His hands, and He will quickly avenge those He has chosen, swiftly coming to our support without ever delaying even on hour too long.

**How amazing His promises are to us!! I was blessed today to receive this daily devotion from Patti...spoke right to my heart and our exceedingly anxious situation. We were also doubly blessed today to be prayed over by an amazing woman that is Patti's bestfriend...prayer warrior she is. The peace that came over me is unexplainable. I was assured of His promises and protection today through her....

Feeling great!!

2010-04-11T14:06:00.000-07:00

It's been a little bit since I posted. I'm totally enjoying the beautiful weather and soaking it up! With the winter we had, this weather is just heaven sent and such a great mood lifter. Spring really brings newness. A new start, new thoughts, new feelings and new hope.

I'm still sticking to the plan of having no plan, or better yet, following His plan. Even though we just started meds, for the past nine months I have tried to over control the process...planning out each and every month. So, this having no plan plan feels wonderful! It's like a HUGE weight is lifted! My whole attitude has changed. I want to enjoy the next several months and see what happens. Really putting it in God's hands, for real this time. Easier said than done because I haven't truly been doing that, it's hard when you're TTC!

I've got some fun trips coming up the next few months, so hopefully lots to blog about!

This is getting too "technical"...

2010-03-31T14:21:00.000-07:00

Is what Jero said to me today after my Dr's appointment today. It put my mind and heart into a tailspin of emotions. I totally agree with him, actually. I truly do NOT know how women can fight this battle for months or, better yet, years.

I was told to call Dr J if I got my period. Well, my cycle started Saturday, so Monday morning I called. I was just expecting them to write me another script for the meds. Not so. I actually had to do another ultrasound. My word, I didn't know this. It was to ensure that I didn't have any cysts left over from my first round of meds...makes sense. So, I went in and he proceeded to explain to me exactly when I ovulated last month. I learned something very interesting, kinda basic, I'm surprised I didn't know it. When a woman starts her cycle and then ovulates, it can vary from woman to woman...it can range anywhere from day 12 to any amount of time (I knew this). However, once a woman ovulates, it is unvariably exactly 14 days later that a woman will begin her cycle. With that, Dr J was able to determine exactly what day I ovulated.

Armed with this interesting information, my mind began to do calculations from last month. As I sat there with my feet in the stirrups, thinking that if I ovulated on Saturday (as Dr J confirmed), I can see where we probably missed the boat. Last month when I went for my ultrasound and he did the calculations on my follicle, he told me that I would ovulate Sunday or Monday...which we now know was actually Saturday. And this, my friends, is why it shouldn't be so "technical". I'm totally grateful that there are these AMAZING resources to determine what our reproductive systems are up to, but it can be draining. I'm already drained.

It didn't really sink in until I called Jero after my appointment to discuss the calculations and what we can do "better" this time. I found myself sounding a little bit, um, crazy. I was talking a million miles a minute, and he was trying to keep up and actually encourage me...but I shot him down because what he was saying didn't make sense to me and I didn't want to hear it. He will be out of town this month during my most fertile time, and I was so upset and trying to figure out how we would work it out. He finally interrupted me and said "this is getting too technical". I stopped right in my tracks. It's very true.

Let me just say this is not intended to be a "downer" post, just want to explain what we're doing :) I've decided, no more meds. Today with just the ultrasound and visit it was $200. You have to do this twice a month, so that's $400 plus the $70 meds. Aside from the cost, I would already like to take a little break. I feel really bad for Jero and don't want to put too much stress on our marriage. With his comment today, a lot flashed before me and I didn't like what I saw, or how I was acting. I've read some disturbing stories about couples TTC and what it can do, I don't want to head in that direction. So, at least for the next few months, we're going to enjoy spring and summer and just see what happens :) We're certainly still trying, but I'm praying that I won't be so consumed with the exact calculations of ovulation and all the imaginary pregnancy symptoms that follow two weeks later. We'll see. I'm feeling really good about it!! And I'll most definitely keep blogging...maybe about something other than TTC!

....

2010-03-29T19:18:00.000-07:00

I think no matter what, despite the emotional rollcoaster, I will always have hope. I won't give up. I didn't get pregnant this month, but prayerfully it will happen next month! As far as my depressing last post, I was certainly convicted on many levels of what I wrote. Thank goodness God's mercies are new every day is all I have to say :)

Going through this (hopefully brief) infertility has enlightened me in so many ways, but most importantly it has softened my heart. Just as with ANYTHING, whether it be an injury that impairs a part of your body, the loss of a family member, a long time job that you have been laid off from...it's naturally challenging for our hearts and minds to relate to other people's hardships/tragedies/misfortunes. We tend to be selfish and grateful at the same time. Selfish that we sometimes don't notice or aren't burdened by others that are suffering. Grateful that if we actually do notice, we just stop and say a prayer of thanks and praise that it isn't us and move on with our busy lives. I've done it. Guilty.

However, in everything I do and the trials that I face, I want to learn something and change my heart to become more sensitive. I want to show grace and embrace others with as much love as they deserve. So, when I say that this "wait" will teach me something, I know it already has and still will. Believe it or not, a part of me is actually grateful for this "wait"...

Heavenly Father,

Help me to remember others in need,

Lord give me the words and wisdom to encourage them.

Please use me to do your will in helping others.

I lift my voice in prayer for all of those who are troubled, sick or in any need.

Lord please protect them, bless them and keep them.

Amen

P.S. I said I would post something funny didn't I? I seem to always be so "deep" lately, I'm kinda driving myself crazy. Buuut, I do have something funny....quite possibly the funniest thing I've seen in FOREVER. Check out this link! Bwahahaha.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bTbAsmPOKo

Defeated

2010-03-25T15:49:00.000-07:00

Today I'm feeling a little defeated...it's just one of those days! I can't seem to get negative thoughts out of my head. I try really hard to be positive, but it can be hard. No, I haven't "started" yet, so that's a good thing...but the lack of pregnancy symptoms is a let down. And, the break out that my face is experiencing right about this time every month is all too familiar :( I know this "negative" post is coming a little premature, but it's like I just know it didn't happen this month. Didn't I just say in my last post that I was feeling "peaceful" about the process? Wow, the rollercoaster truly is crazy.

Here are my negative and irrational thoughts. I feel like it's truly going to take a LOT of "work" to get pregnant...and by "work" I mean a LOT more planning, pills and possibly invasive procedures. Why do I let my thoughts get the best of me and become soo pessimistic?? YUCK, I hate it! From what we know...there isn't really anything "wrong" with either of us. So, I took crappy fertility meds this month and I'm thinking they didn't work...I just don't get it.

OK, I refuse to ramble anymore about something that hasn't even happened yet. I need some serious schooling in "positive thinking"!!! Please forgive my Debbie Downer post...I will try my very best to write something uplifting or funny on my next post no matter what happens in the next few days....deal? K!

Waiting

2010-03-21T15:00:00.000-07:00

Is the hardest part. I'm trying not to obsess over it too much...some months I do more than others. Some months I'm more anxious than others waiting to see if this is THE month. But, this month I feel a little more peaceful about the process. I realize that it is normal for a woman to take six to nine months to actually conceive. Some things take a while to sink in, some things won't ever sink in, and some things I will waiver on month to month...just saying :) This I know...it will happen.

I'm gonna try my BEST to not test this month. I've said this many times before and failed miserably! Jeromy insists that it costs too much money to keep buying pregnancy tests, when all I have to do is wait...which I admit is true. Right now I'm guessing I'm about 5 or 6, maybe 6 or 7 DPO (days past ovulation). The meds I took will alter my cycle length, so I'm interested to see when I start my cycle <-----hoping I won't be starting another cycle :) So, I am off a little, but I think I should know something by next weekend??

Please keep me in your prayers, if you will.

Decisions and hopefully great outcomes...

2010-03-15T16:06:00.000-07:00

At this point in TTC (trying to conceive...I will probably use this term a lot, get used to it) we had a couple options to choose from. As I said a couple posts back, we could choose to do an HSG right off or try meds for three months then do an HSG if the meds didn't work. Neither option is appealing, but we definitely wanted to do something!

I chose to start with the meds. Well, the HSG is $500 and isn't covered by most insurances...hmmm, money or mood swings, TOUGH CHOICE! Somehow, the moodswings sounded ~~better~~ cheaper...oh, but they come with a price too ;) Dr J wrote me a script for the five pills to be taken on cycle days 5-9, which like I said before, allows me to grow bigger and better eggies.

So, here I am on my ninth cycle, having taken those five pills. It's amazing how much hope lies in those five little pills. I have hope and lots and lots of faith. They weren't too terrible to me. I mostly had yucky yucky headaches that just nauseated me, along with tiredness...DH Jero would tell you that I most definitely had mood swings, who me?! I can deal with the headaches, tiredness and all that came with it...not complaining!

(Btw, if at ANY time this becomes TMI, you can stop reading...after several months of keeping it just between a few people, it feels good to blog about it here.)

A "cycle" for a woman is generally 28-30 days long...I fall in that range. Women generally ovulate around day 14ish...I ovulate much later it seems (like day 17-20), another reason I took the meds. Also, on the meds you must have an ultrasound done, somewhere between CD(cycle day)12-14...to check your follicles (what holds the egg before ovulation), measuring how big they are. The size doesn't matter much to me, he measured it and said it looked to be a nice big size!! Yay for my follies!

In the past few posts, I have caught you guys up on where we are in this journey, the choices we've made, and the dreams we hope for. In a couple days I will begin what we TTCers like to call the 2WW (two week wait). I've done this emotional 2WW a few times now. I've become not only a SERIAL googler on pregnancy symptoms, but I've become a SERIAL POASer (pee on a stick). It becomes quite comical really. It's ok, I believe I'm not crazy because all my sweet TTC cyber friends do it too. I mean, about one week into the 2WW I'm constantly:

~Touching my boobs looking for tenderness (this can look a little wierd when doing it in public)

~Wondering why I'm peeing so much, that little bean is pressing on my bladder I bet (I just like to drink a lot of water)

~Thinking that if I'm hungry I MUST be pregnant (nope, I just have to eat several times a day b/c I'm a little piggy)

~Pondering on why I'm so gassy, maybe it's that little baby snuggling in for a long stay (um, nope again, YOU were gassy coming out of the womb, I remind myself)

~Thinking how tired I am ALL the time, my body must be working OVERTIME because I'm newly pregnant (yea right girl, you stay tired pregnant or not)

~Excited because I feel the littlest bit nauseas, now I just KNOW I'm pregnant (try again, it's your nerves because your stressing about all of the above...now it's time for a visit from Aunt Flow...try, try again)

See how crazy it can make someone!! I fear for my sanity if I have to do this much longer. My friend that finally got pregnant after six years confessed to me the other day that she felt like she was getting really obsessed with it and becoming depressed (but, she did stay faithful and reliant on the Lord I must say). I'm certainly not to that point (well, you might say different after reading all of my imaginary pregnancy symptoms), but it does go very deep. I honestly don't think I've yearned for something so bad in my life. I'm still trying to remain patient on the Lord. It's so hard to want something and pray in a self serving way, but in the same breath pray that this will happen in His timing...I need help on this. I also struggle with the fact that I write this blog like I've been TTC for many years. I don't ever want it to become that way, or be construed that way. I guess I just thought it would happen right away, like most couples do. It's hit me a little hard that it didn't happen sooner, and that I'd have to do meds or even more to make this happen. In church on Sunday, my awesome pastor was speaking about being faithful and worshipping the Lord. He spoke about people going through trials and we change through them, but the Lord is unchanging. We can be complainers or we can be worshippers...it's how we deal with heartache, let downs, tribulations, illness that speaks to how big our God really is. I believe He is a big, unchanging, passionate, loving, gracious God. I write here, hopefully not to complain, but to pour my heart out and to praise Him because I KNOW there is a bigger meaning to this "wait".

Psalm 27:14

Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

I'll be back to post all of my imaginary pregnancy symptoms this month, maybe just maybe, they won't be imaginary ;)

P.S. I can't seem to find the spell check on here...help? Maybe all my words are spelled correctly, that would be nice, I did win a lot of spelling bees back in the day!

On a lighter (and funnier) note...

2010-03-12T14:56:00.000-08:00

Before I follow up on the last post, I found some of these online and I just HAD to share. I canNOT tell you how very true, yet funny these statements are...you gotta have a sense of humor!! (I said I would go over "terms", but I think this post will enlighten you enough)

YOU KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO CONCEIVE WHEN:

-The Big 'O' no longer refers to Orgasm, but instead to Ovulation

- Every twinge is a potential sign: ovulation pain OR perhaps a sign of pregnancy

- It no longer strikes you as the least bit odd to check out with both HPTs (home pregnancy tests) AND tampons in your cart.

- You schedule your social events around your ovulation day

- If your OPK (ovulation predictor kit) comes up +, you cancel all social engagements that night so you can BD (baby dance) & lie with your legs elevated and butt up in the air afterwards

- You talk using mysterious acronymns that only your ttc (trying to conceive) buddies understand: ttc, BD, ewcm, bbt, opk, 2ww

- Your morning motto is: "Don't talk to me until I've taken my temperature"

- You take your temperature more than once a day (committed TTCer)

- You refuse to finish decorating that 3rd bedroom in your new house, because you can't stand the thought of getting it just the way you want it only to have to tear it apart next month in order to make room for the nursery you'll be needing.

- You put off buying any summer clothes, because you hope they won't fit by the time the weather gets warmer.

- You clip coupons for OPKs and HPTs

- Your doctor says, "Now take these home and inject this needle into your stomach every day" and you don't even flinch.

- You spend more on OPKs, HPTs, and fertility meds than you do on clothes (this is the TRUTH)

- The thought of nausea makes your heart skip a beat!

- You make a mental note of what day of your cycle it is before you say "ok" to a drink

- You finally look forward to mornings! Another opportunity to take and record your temp!

- You refer (and think) of your husband, not as his real name, but as the letters "DH" ("dear husband" in the cyber world) in real life

- You suffer silently from Infertility Vision (IV) - defined as the ability to see pink lines that nobody else can see. It's a very common condition among POASers (pee on a stick) during the days leading up to the official test day. Research is still being done, but at present there is no cure for it!

-You’ve had your feet in stirrups more times than you can count and being poked and prodded “down there” doesn’t even phase you anymore.

- Pregnancy announcements generate tears — and they’re usually not happy ones.

- Birth announcements generate even more tears.

- You have a love/hate relationship with the baby section of all stores, not wanting to go anywhere near it, yet always finding yourself inevitably drawn towards it.

- You could have not only bought a Coach purse, you could have invested in Coach stock with all the money you’ve spent on pregnancy tests.

- You have colored charts and graphs and blow-by-blow journal entries of your cycle to present to your doctor at every visit.

- You’ve read every last article that comes up on Google as to why you might not be pregnant, and have a possible treatment plan to present to your doctor in addition to your charts and graphs.

- You have an addiction to peeing on sticks.

- Walgreens knows you now, because you’re in there monthly stocking up on pregnancy tests.

- You and your husband have ever rendezvoused at weird locations because “it’s time!”

- You could teach health class at the local high school when it comes to a woman’s reproductive system and menstrual cycle. (most definitely)

- You’ve ever promised yourself that “this month you aren’t going to stress it or think about it” but you know that is completely impossible to achieve even as you’re saying it.

- You want to strangle women who do nothing but complain about their children and then inform you that "You’re so lucky and you don’t know what you have to not have children.”

- You’ve called in to work, not because of the first day of cramps, but for another day of heart break.

- You seriously think you’re going to go postal the next time you hear, “Just don’t think about it or stress out about it…” (AMEN)

- You actually understand the following sentence: “It’s CD 12 and I just got a positive on an OPK, so DH and I are going to BD tonight which will then bring on the 2WW (two week wait) and hopefully at the end, when I use my HPT to POAS I’ll get a BFP (big fat positive)!”

Appointments and "Options"

2010-03-10T16:19:00.000-08:00

It hasn't been an exact year that we've been trying, but I want to be aggressive...and, thankfully my Dr. (we'll call him Dr J) wants to too. I had to go in for some blood work a few weeks ago to check my prolactin, thyroid and cholesterol. Everything came back great, and he said my cholesterol was excellent (not that this has anything to do with making babies). As I grinned at him with a "Oh yea, I know, I eat pretty good, thanks" look...he immediately responded with "Now, you can't take credit for that, it's genetic", dang, thanks be to my parents I suppose ;)

Everything has always been so "normal" with me. I've been pretty blessed so far. I've had very easy and regular cycles for as long as I can remember, my blood work has always been above average levels. Somehow I get bonus points on my iron level...Dr J always tells me that I have some of the highest iron levels (I don't hardly ever eat red meat either, must be all the peanut butter, ha!). Ok, I'm getting off topic here, once again iron levels don't really have much to do with making babies! But, I know what DOES have to do with making babies.....the swimmers!!! That's half the battle right? It appears so far that I'm pretty normal, no known ovulation problems, regular cycles...so what about my darling husband? My darling husband that wasn't so, ahem, darling after being told the duty he would have to perform.

In all seriousness, he was a champ about it, not overly excited...but willing, and that's what is important! We're all adults here, so there is probably no need to explain the actual process of what took place. Let me just give you the deets. His results were FINE, he actually doubled the minimum standard that he needs to have. He's got the GOODS!

So, back to Dr J we go to see what to do next. We had options of course. There is a test called an HSG (big looong word I don't know how to spell, not gonna try). Basically, it's a procedure where they fill a woman's fallopian tubes with dye to ensure there is no blockage. Having a blockage is a possibility. It's not a comfortable procedure, during or after...but it would be worth it. There is a catch to this HSG, a good catch. First, to find a blockage, but second, a bonus because it can actually clear tubes of mucus allowing eggs to more easily flow through. Dr J tells me (and so did Dr Google-he's great too, but he will inevitably make you crazy) that a lot of women become pregnant shortly following HSG's....fabulous! A side note, HSG's are pricey and generally aren't covered by insurance.

Another option, fertility medicine...YUCK! Anything that is disruptive to female hormones is B-A-D, for her and all of those around her. Even though, as we THINK, I don't have an ovulation issue this medicine would stimulate the ovaries producing BIGGER and BETTER eggies....basically more of a "target" for the swimmers!! Back to the meds. Dr J tells me that they will cause hot flashes, mood swings (Dear Jeromy, I love you, The End), headaches and some other nasty side effects. But, just like the HSG, it would be worth it! Pricey meds too. I would take five pills on days 5-9 of my cycle. FIVE pills cost $90, a small break with insurance is $70, but wowzers still pricey!

With those two options, it's either do three months of meds to see if they work, and if not do the HSG. OR, we could first do the HSG first and then try meds. We decided, blindly really, but we did....

***As I said in my "About Me" caption...I have plenty to pray for and plenty to praise about. No surprise to those who know me, but I love to follow forums/blogs about anything and everything that's near to my heart. I, of course, have been blogging with other women in this same journey. There have been so many blessings (pregnancies) among these women lately, praise God. He is a great and merciful God. For those that are still seeking out His blessings to come, I pray for them. I pray that the Lord, in His timing, will fulfill their heart's desires.

***Some more praise...a girl I work with whom has been privately struggling with infertility for SIX years just found out she is pregnant!!! Girlfriend is a Christ follower and has done her best to put it in His hands, not saying she didn't want to give up (as I might after that long), but she is truly an inspiration. Love her. God is so good!!!

Try, try again...

2010-03-07T06:58:00.000-08:00

We decided to start "trying" sometime after the year mark of being married. We weren't quite ready, for various reasons at that point. But, by the next summer I was all to ready! Ahhh, this should be easy...if it doesn't happen the first month, surely by the next, no PROB! Now, moving along into my ninth cycle, all I can say is I'm in disbelief?! I certainly don't want to sound insensitive on my blog expressing our concern and disappointment over this matter. I chat with girls everyday (online) that are going through this process and have been going through it for MUCH longer than I. I fully understand that it hasn't been an eternity. It feels like it, but it's not. I also TRY TO accept and understand the fact that it can take much longer for us as well.

At six months we were frustrated, concerned and disheartened. By eight months, last month, it was time to go to the doctor!! The "proverbial" clock is a tickin'...and IT.IS.LOUD! I realize I'm going to be 32 in two months, and I suppose I have time on my side, but I don't feel that way. I want two babies, I wanted them to be a few years apart...however, this option has become so trivial and unimportant. I will take what I can get, when I can get it. This is how you get in this process. Yea, the whole idea of having a boy at the age of __ (fill in the blank), followed by a girl at the age of __ (you know, fill in the blank)...is O-U-T the window. But, this is ok. This process has more than humbled me. What was so crucial at one point in my life has become so insignificant now. First and foremost, I want the Lord's will to be done in our life. Secondly, I just want a HEALTHY baby...boy or girl, one or two or THREE (haha).

So, WE went to the doctor. Yes, Jeromy had to do his "part" too. And, yes, I will spill all his personal information. He's part of this journey too...he won't care, I don't think.

P.S. I just want to thank Kristi from http://www.kristiskringles.blogspot.com/ for the awesome, beautiful job she did on the face of my blog! I looove it!

I'm BAAAAAACK!!!

2010-03-04T18:46:00.000-08:00

Yes, all of my faithful readers (all two or three of you), I'm BAAACK! I've been sooo ~~busy~~, ~~preoccupied~~, ok LAZY! Lazy and mostly boring. In the past several months we have tried to sell our townhome unsuccessfully, it's now rented. We have moved in with Patti (Jero's mom). We will be here until we find something or actually build. I'm thankful to be here. Most importantly, and the reason I am trying to revive my blog...we have been trying unsuccessfully to have a baby for nine months. Nine weeks, nine months or nine years of trying without the fortune of seeing that desired BIG FAT POSITIVE will take it's toll on anyone physically and emotionally!!! That would be a "BFP" in baby making terminology...will explain all the terms later ;)

What happens when your dreams are at your fingertips, but other factors are keeping them from happening? Very simple factors, like the dynamics of our reproductive systems...HA, simple, yea right! The process of getting one mature egg fertilized with ONE healthy, ambitious little swimming sperm is an intricate undertaking...wouldn't you say??? It's an amazing, majestic process of the Genesis of life...that is not really within my realm of understanding!

For some it happens as simple as passing in the dark, for others, not so much. My heart aches for women that have tried and continue to try year after year to create life, to hold a tiny baby in their arms, to pass on the love that fills their hearts to the brim. I can't fathom trying for years to fulfill that dream. However, I do have that dream, I've always had it...I wanted to be a mother since owning my very first baby doll (it was called "Baby Alive", and I ~~creatively~~ called it "Baby Don't Die")! Reading back on my diary from elementary and middle school, I was reminded of that. I was reminded in my own writing that I wanted SIX children, I wanted to be a mom above and beyond most anything else that seemed to catch my attention at the time. Some dreams change, some don't...um, let's say I do NOT desire to have SIX children, but I wholeheartedly want to be a mother.

What is my point in all this? I have been trying to concieve for nine months now. I want a baby, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish. My family and close friends know this, it's not top secret around here. I'm a pretty open person, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I will tell you my deepest darkest secrets (well, they're not THAT deep and dark), I will tell you how much I make an hour (pretty comical, that hourly rate), I will tell you anything! I'm not the most private person in the world...however, I definitley use discretion and try to use good judgement. I've been debating on whether I wanted to blog to the world (or a few random people that drop by) about it!? Should I just keep it a family matter or pour my heart out on a blog that is my own and share how I feel with others? I choose the latter....I want to share my journey!

I've got lots to share, lots to pray over, many to pray for in this same journey of mine...

Heavenly Father, thank you for all the blessings in my life, they are countless.
All of my life I have dreamt of being a mother,
of raising children with loving hearts,
to do your will on this earth.

Teach me how to patiently wait on you father,
Strengthen me to never grow weary.
I know that through you all things are possible.

Amen

Surprise birthday pics...

2009-07-02T19:07:00.000-07:00

Ash & Travis

Holly & Corey

Patti trying to stay awake after all the festivities

Me & My Sexy

Kim & Rog

Kim, Jen, Morgan & Me

Holy contrast...don't adjust your computer screen, poor Jen hasn't seen sun in NY in like 2 months!!! And, you can see BOTH of our identical tattoos in memory of my mother...

Morgan & Jen

Nothing, BLAH!

2009-06-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

I've got NOTHING for you...wow what a block I have going on, or better yet, I'm just plain boring right now! I haven't really had much going on... taken no pics, no more vacays, just work work work! I've got some fun things coming up that I will post about. In the meantime, hope everyone is having a fabulous summer and many blessings to you....

Well, Happy Monday!!!

2009-05-11T07:58:00.000-07:00

Yes, I had a fender bender this morning...so, why not make the best of it and BLOG away my sorrows?! I hate to admit it, but it WAS my fault...buuut let me explain, I get the chance to defend myself riiight?

Ok. First, I was running late to work (I know what you're thinking, NO it had nothing to do with it...just want to explain in FULL detail my morning!) However, I was driving a LITTLE erratic...I JUST say this because I feel like I was being taught a lesson by driving like a fool!

So, I was literally a MINUTE from my job and I was sitting at a red light. The light turned green and EVERYONE drove off except for the car in front of me! So, I just sat there for a few seconds, I looked down for a few seconds and then naturally released the brake ASSUMING by now that the car had a least moved an INCH! NOPE...not one inch...what the heck? GAS.PEDDLE.IS.ON.THE.RIGHT.

Well, I inevitably hit the car . IMMEDIATELY I break out in this hysterical cry (After almost 31 years on this earth, I've come to the conclusion that I *might* be a bit dramatic...just ask my husband). I hit two old men on their way to do door to door witnessing! WOW! I always have a fear of being in an accident with someone that has this ferocious temper, and they come after me! Not the case this morning...so glad and relieved, but I felt so bad for them. It wasn't a bad hit, just a hard nudge that left a few marks.

It might have been my lucky day though, as I did NOT get a ticket...it may end up being a "no fault" type accident! Let's hope. I feel like I should have done a "Not Me Monday" type post...I did NOT get into an accident and pretend it wasn't my fault 100%, or something like that!

Ahhh Vacation...How I miss YOU!!!

2009-05-03T15:48:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I FINALLY posted some vacation pics! These are most of our great pics from Cancun, Mexico...NO, none of us caught the "Swine Flu" thank you very much! We had such an amazing time...

For anyone that blogs you know how long it takes to upload picture by picture, so right now I'm too pooped to write any captions, but I will work on that throughout the week. Also, I wasn't able to put all the pics in one post for some funky reason, the next post holds the rest of the pics.

PART II

2009-05-03T15:13:00.001-07:00

I guess you can post only so many pics in one post....

Quick Update...

2009-04-06T15:38:00.000-07:00

Even though a lot of people don't necessarily comment on my blog (it's cool, whatever ;) ) they still read it, and a few people have asked how my Aunt Dorothy is doing. She came through her surgery like the champ she is! She is currently in a nursing home working on some rehabilitation. I have all the faith in the world she will continue to grow stronger each day.

So, thank you for your concern and prayers for her!!!

Adios Amigos!!!

2009-04-06T10:35:00.001-07:00

I will be here if you need me....I will be in Cancun, Mexico at this beautiful resort. I will be leaving this Sunday and I won't be back until the following Sunday! I will be soaking up the rays, relaxing on the beach, swimming at the pool, dining at the fabulous restaurants, sipping on something refreshing.........

See you soon!!!

Birthday Season is upon our family...

2009-03-25T11:07:00.000-07:00

First came Patti & Kailyn, then we pretty much go through the whole family for the next few months! So, last week it was Papaw's birthday!!! Elsa cooked a scrumptous dinner for all of us in celebration...she always goes out of her way, she is AMAZING! Here is the happy couple...
Papaw is the most sincere and loving man. He is full of such great character, family values and complete devotion to friends and family alike! I must also add that he's the BEST hugger in the world, I LOVE them!!! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BESTEST! WE LOVE YOU!!!

Papaw with the sisters :)

Precious little Brayden

Patti & Lynn

Sweet, Sweet Charlie...he is SOOO much fun, gotta love him :)

A few wordless St. Patty's Day pics...

2009-03-20T18:52:00.000-07:00

Heartache & Procrastination...

2009-03-17T11:18:00.000-07:00

This post is not necessarily about me, so forgive the bridal pic...it does, however, play a part!

Today I found out that my wedding photographer passed away, a little before his time if you ask me. We chose him based on references, and his daughter was also friends with my sister in high school. Little did we know that he would be so incredibly warm, kind, patient and sweet spirited. His nature and spirit stuck with me even after my wedding day, such a precious man! I am overcome with sadness today, and so sad for his family. I will never forget Dale Massey and I will continue to keep his family in my prayers...I can't say enough wonderful things about this man!

On to the procrastination part of this post. I am a horrible bride! Folks, as much as I loved my wedding, my photographer, my photos, my husband...I have YET to order my wedding pictures or any bridal portraits! That is some serious procrastination. So hearing of Dale's passing, I went to his website just to see if I could see a picture of HIS sweet face (I never found one of him)...low and behold, I found this bridal picture of me on his main page. It just brought tears to my eyes, I never knew he had any pics of me on his site. I don't think I've even seen this particular picture of me, or if I ever will have a real copy. I ran into him at Sams a few months ago and was embarrased for the fact that I haven't ordered yet. Of course, he (and his wonderful wife) greeted Jeromy and I with a hug. But, I told him I would get "right on it" ordering my photos and I DIDN'T! I wonder what he must have thought of me??? What bride does that? My goodness!

This was his small business...it was only he & him. I am aware that since I never ordered my photos he probably never went through and touched them up, as photographers do. This might be my loss. Procratstination is a terrible thing, DON'T do it. But, to the bigger point...Dale will be SORELY missed by SO many.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am" John 14:1-3

Happy Surprise Birthday Party!!!

2009-03-11T18:22:00.000-07:00

My goodness, what a fabulous birthday surprise for Kailyn! We went pottery painting. It was a great idea for such a great group of girls and appropriate for their age. It was amazing how creative and artistic each of them were, it was so fun to see all of their creations! As for myself (this isn't about me, but I must share), my creation turned out horrendous...I have not ONE creative bone in my body!

It was a surprise for Kailyn, and this is the first pic of her...she was so happy!

The girls around the "prowler"...

The big girls, Morgan & Bethany, had some fun too!!!

Roger & Sydney

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU....my precious Kailyn!

Ok, so here is where the day takes a turn for the...um, won't say ;) I didn't want Kailyn's day to end, so I told her she could invite a few girls over for a slumber party! Wow, 4 10 year olds are EXHAUSTING!!! They weren't at my house for FIVE minutes before they wanted to play dress up with my clothes and shoes.....here's a peek....

A girls' gotta have her perfume to go with the new outfit, right? Take your pick...(this is my extra bedroom, don't mind the mess)

AND, it wouldn't be perfect without the perfect earrings to accent the dress???

Yay, dress up is over, now it's play time...thanks to Uncle Jeromy! I can always count on him to play hard!!! He's so good.

Is it over yet??? Nite, nite....

I love you Kailyn! I hope you had the BEST Birthday ever, you deserved it!

2009-03-10T14:46:00.000-07:00

Here are some things that I will post about, things on my mind and in my heart:

1. When I get a few minutes I will post some pics of my nieces surprise birthday party!!!

2. I'm going to Cancun for EIGHT days in April with Jero, Ash, Kelly, Jen and Patti....HALLELUJAH!!!! (Jero with 5 women for 8 days...he will need prayers for patience please :) )

3. My Aunt is having her "big" surgery on March 20th, I believe I posted that I didn't know the date...but, there it is...MORE PRAYERS PLEASE!!! And THANK YOU to those that are praying!!!

4. Also, I would like to do a rewind/old school post with pics of good times with friends and family...and I need to get some pics of my dad and his girlfriend up too! I do have good intentions, just need to take the time :)

5. I have soo many things to be grateful for in this struggling time, and I give so many thanks to our good Lord for the many blessings in my life!!!

Be back soon!

Oh The Snow!!!

2009-03-01T18:15:00.001-08:00

HOLY SNOW!!! Ok, it's not New York style or anything, but the biggest we've seen in A-Ville in a LONG time...YAY! First, let's make some observations of the first picture here. I own no "bib" type pants, I don't own any gloves...but here's the HA HA part...I do not own ANY type of snow boots!!! So, I decided I would wear my high top dress boots. Ok, get your laughs, but they worked ok...

Jero, at least, had some gloves! These pics aren't that clear for obvious reasons, but you get the point!

Duke absolutely LOVED the snow, he ran in circles just living it up!

Now, BRING SPRING please :)

Prayer Request...

2009-02-28T16:24:00.000-08:00

Oh, so many that I would like to list...my heart is full of them actually. But, for the few that do visit my blog (or even the passer byers) I would ask that you keep my Aunt Dorothy in your prayers please. She is having a full bladder removal in the next couple of weeks...it is a major surgery to say the least. She has bladder cancer and this is the only option, as she is 87 years old and has had a blast of chemo and radiation that did not work.

She has lived a very long and blessed life, so we are happy for that. We are certain she will come through just fine b/c, even at her age, she is one of the strongest (physically and mentally) people I know. She is an AMAZING Christian woman who has the upmost faith in our Lord that He will see her through this!

Thank you in advance for your prayers, and I will certainly do an update!

"For I will restore health unto you, and I will heal you of your wounds, saith the Lord."

Jeremiah 30:17

Weekend Pics...

2009-02-22T14:03:00.000-08:00

Pinky Swear!!!

2009-02-20T05:01:00.000-08:00

Yep, I'm printing this off TODAY and taking it to the hubs to sign TONIGHT! You can bet your bottom dollar on that one! Why, you ask? Well, I haven't discussed (that I can remember) my absolute DESIRE and PASSION for wanting to start a family...well I'm laying it out right HERE and right NOW! Jeromy tends to, most of the time, shy away from the conversation...explaining that we need to wait for this and wait for that. I fully understand the necessity of waiting until we are financially, emotionally and physically (nice home with a nursery) ready! Well, other than the fact that we are needing to sell our townhome to have a more spacious home for children...I believe we are ready.

Sure we would love to have 5 more years together with no children, but let's do the math here! I will be 31 in less than THREE months and I want at least TWO children. God willing I get pregnant (if I can convince the hubs, which is my BIGGEST hurdle) sometime this year, at least in the next 6 months...I will be 32 when I have my first (like I said, God willing!!!). I admit, it's not that old, but I would PREFER my children to be 2-3 years apart...here's where it starts getting tricky! I wouldn't have a 2nd child (God willing) until I was around 35! Now, for those "older" parents I'm not knockin' it...my preference would just be to be somewhat of a young mother.

I'm hoping this doesn't come off shallow, b/c this is truly important to me and every fiber of my being is the desire to be a mother! Some people feel the inherent need/feeling/yearning to be something, do something and mine is to be a mother...and to pass on the immense love that I was raised with! Oh, and to not have to punch a timeclock EVER again!

So, back to the pinky swearing. I'm gonna do it. Jero has JUST begun to entertain the idea of starting a family sometime later this year, but I need it in writing...signed, sealed and delivered baby! Wow, do I sound crucial or what?

Being the Christian woman that I am, I know this will happen on God's time and NOT mine...that I know. The Lord has a plan for Jeromy and I and there is nothing I can do to intervene, nor do I want to. I just wanna make a PLAN to start trying and then leave the rest in God's hands...that's all I'm sayin! Oh, and a signed agreement by my husband....

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

2009-02-15T14:50:00.000-08:00

My little "gift" to the hubs was a dozen cute cupcakes...something he'll have to work off for the next week, aren't I the sweetest??? We decided not to get each other anything "big" this year...saving for great things :)

And, this is what I woke up to...oh and breakfast, not necessarily IN bed, but we went back to bed after breakfast...does that count? There is NOTHING better than your husband making you breakfast and then crawling back in bed and watching a movie...this has become a Saturday morning ritual recently!!! Don't be jealous ;)

Sweet, sweet (and terror) Duke got me a card TOO! Check it out...so cute, he's so thoughtful!

For some CRAZY reason, Duke was especially sweet and calm on Valentine's Day...he must have known it was a special day!

To top it all off, we had dinner with Ashley, Patti and Gamaw at a Japanese steak house...oh yea baby! It was delish, I just wasn't sure if I should go run a mile or run to the bathroom afterwards!

Duke had a playdate after Church on Sunday with his "Aunt" Lilly...I'm sure he had fun, however I was thrown up on TWICE on the ride to and from! YUCK!

US...

I just wanted to say Thankyou to Clare at http://flytojesus.blogspot.com/ for giving me a Blog Award. I've just started reading her blog, but she sure is a funny and sweet woman and I hope you all (all 2 or 3 of you) go check her out!!!

DUKE VS. CAROLINA....

2009-02-12T05:06:00.000-08:00

Williams: "Hey, Coach K"

Krzyzewski: "Yea?"

Williams: "We KICKED your A$$ on YOUR floor, thanks for having us!"

Krzyzewski: "Um...your welcome?"

Williams: "See ya March 8th, and um, we'll do it again!"

***As a side note, my husband is a DEVOTED (somewhat obnoxious) DUKE fan...so, I will probably catch, you know what, for this post...but I HAD to do it! I used to be a big Carolina fan (well, as my hubs says-I "drove" the "wagon", if you know what I mean). You know how it goes, you kinda go with the team that your spouse adores...well, this has been a bit of a challenge for me, and I'm still in the middle of my "conversion". Right now I'm getting a little chuckle out of the game last night...HOWEVER, we did lose $50 on it and that means a nice dinner out the window, so that part makes me sad...along with the fact that Jero is going to be "ill" until Duke cleans up on the 8th! We'll see :)

PUPPY WOES...

2009-02-03T09:56:00.000-08:00

So, I'm going to start a list right HERE and right NOW of all the lovely things my puppy has decided to chew on/ruin/tear/destroy/urinate on, and whatever else his little puppy brain decides is appropriate to sabotage!!! I'm certain that I will need to keep this particular post updated, so if anyone is interested, just check back! Remember, it's THIS little puppy that's ready to lose his little life if he doesn't straighten up! (Ok, I would never do that, just trying to express my frustration right now) So here goes, in no particular order:

1. Our framing that Jero has worked so hard on in our kitchen. While lying cozily (is that a word?) on his bed, Duke decided "Hey it's right by my head, I can just lay here and chew on this wooden framing and not even have to get up!"

2. Urinated on our king size, velour comforter! I was sitting right beside him, guess he thought I would never notice??? Go pee in your own bed...oh wait, you already have!!! (on a positive note though, he is getting better at this, as I think Jero and I are working overtime crate training him and taking him outside about every 45 seconds!)

3. My MAC BLACK eyeshadow...hope that tasted good! Ok, so a little thing of eyeshadow from MAC is a whopping $13, that was my first thought when I caught him in the act! But that passing thought quickly vanished when I realized what it had done to my CARPET!!! Just for the record, if you happen to get chunks of eyeshadow on your carpet...PICK THEM UP, DON'T VACUUM THEM!!! Mistake number one! WOW oh WOW, what a mess...a little Scotch Guard and Gain scrubbed by a really ticked off person does wonders! I wish I was calm enough to stop and take a picture to show the exact damage...how Katrina did in this post is beyond me. Oh Lord, please grant me the patience...it's just a puppy :) Are you wondering what mistake number two was??? SOMEHOW, SOME WAY that flippin eye shadow ended up IN his crate hours later...I thought I had thrown it AWAY! Not only was he covered, so was everything in his crate and more carpet stains to clean...after a long night out at a Super Bowl party that is NOT what I wanted to contend with!

4. Our power cord to a fairly new computer! So, as we were laying on the couch last night wrapped up in a captivating episode of "The Bachelor", both of us were wondering (to ourselves) what that "sparking" noise was, but neither one of us sat up to see until it was too late! In a matter of five minutes, Duke demolished the cord in a number of places causing it to spark away...not a safety hazzard whatsoever! Oh, yea, and they're $90 to replace, UUUGGHH!!! That's an outfit for me!

5. Our hands, feet, face, arms, legs...really ANY part of our body is fair game for this biting puppy! How DO you stop it? He is becoming quite the biter, and we don't likey! Our battle wounds are numerous, but we've tried everything. I feel like we've already jumped straight into the terrible two's. We try "redirecting" him to other toys...works for about 2 minutes. We tried spanking him, but my experience with children tells me you don't spank a child for hitting....what's the point in that, right? So, now I'm against popping his little butt or face...plus, as soon as your hand leaves his behind, his mouth is agape waiting for another opportunity to chomp! I'm using some other techniques now, so we shall see.

Are we failing as parents? I told Jeromy, maybe it's time for me to go ahead and be a "Stay at home Mommy"...yea, that went over like a lead balloon! Apparently when you have babies, you never want them to grow up...well, I'm SOOO ready for Duke to GROW UP already!!!!

SPEECHLESS...

2009-01-30T06:55:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday...I'm giving BLOOD!

2009-01-30T06:15:00.000-08:00

I'm scared as all get out about donating blood today (YIKES)! I'm a BABY about needles as it is, and I'm a fairly petite person...passing the giving guidelines by only FIVE pounds, I'm scared I may be a little "fainty". Already this morning I've been hearing horror stories from girls that have donated in the past (PLEASE, ZIP IT)! I've never donated before, but a PINT of blood can save THREE lives...that's AMAZING to me!!! It's worth the temporary ringing in the ears, dizziness, lightheadedness and whatever miserable side effects follow!

Also...it's FRIDAY!!! YIPPY! Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend and enjoys the SUPER BOWL!!!

***edited to add***

Apparently I have the blood of a "Super Hero" (or so said the nurse)! I had the highest iron level of anyone she'd seen today. I didn't get woozy or lightheaded, and I feel GREAT! Now, the needle...not so hot on that, that thing was the size of a Bic stick pen, sheesh!!! I survived!

So Adorable!!!

2009-01-23T14:59:00.000-08:00

My friend brought this to my attention, and I just HAD to post it! Of course, you will need to mute my playlist to watch the video...ENJOY :)

Our New Addition....

2009-01-22T18:43:00.000-08:00

We got a PUPPY!!! I've been wanting a dog for a while now, but Jero put the brakes on that from the start. He must have really slept on it, b/c out of nowhere he said he was ready for one! He says he's "testing" it out to see if he could "handle" a baby. Well, there's no sleeping on that one (for the record), that's coming, ready or not :)

So, he's ADORABLE...he's a LOVER. He's a boxer/lab mix, technically called a "boxador". He's a very good puppy...he sleeps through the night in his crate without whining (anyone who has had a puppy knows the whining can be like a newborn baby), so we are very lucky and very proud of him!

Not sure if you can tell from the next two pics, but he has a DUKE collar on...YES his name is DUKE!!!! For anyone that doesn't already know...Jero is a huge DUKE fan, so there you go!

Amazon.com Promoting Pedophilia...

2009-01-14T04:45:00.000-08:00

I have been visiting/posting on a blog called the "Imperfect Parent" for over six months now. I mostly visit their "Jon & Kate Plus 8" blog/forum to chat and discuss the show, and of course have made some great cyber friends along the way...

Recently, there was a post that has caught my attention, written by the owner of the "Imperfect Parent". I, as many others, am OUTRAGED at what they are allowing to be sold (how it got published in the first place is beyond me). Apparently, they are selling books that promote child-adult sex. I am not sure what constitutes these authors/publishers/sellers to be able to write/promote/sell these books. Censorship? Child-adult sex is an ILLEGAL/IMMORAL ACT people!!!

Please take the time to read this article, and in the article it guides you to where you can go to take a stand and have a voice. I, personally, haven't ever purchased from Amazon.com, but I know many people that have and will NO longer!

http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2009/01/11/amazon-feeding-our-children-to-the-lions/

Thankful, Grateful & Blessed

2009-01-13T12:05:00.000-08:00

So, as I sat in the breakroom today at lunch, I overheard a few women discussing their family troubles. One has a son that is in rehab who just recently got charged with armed robbery. One has a husband with luekemia. One has a daughter that is having horrific boyfriend problems that is interfering with the family. One has a father with throat cancer. Seriously, this is most of what I heard over a matter of 30 minutes...I have learned of the others over time.

Now, I have been through some tough times myself... with an ugly divorce of my parents while in college, followed by losing my mom to cancer four years later. Those were hard, and those experiences have made me who I am today.

However, listening to these women today has humbled me, and as always, made me realize how incredibly blessed I really am. Contrary to my last post... I AM grateful that I have a job, that I have a loving husband, an amazing sister and brother-in-law and four beautiful nieces & nephew, a supportive/encouraging/faithful mother-in-law, awesome sister/brother/grandmother/grandfather/father in-law (ok, to sum it up...ALL of Jero's wonderful family), and a fabulous family of my own! I am thankful for the roof over my head and things that have been afforded to me by the grace of God.

I am MOST thankful for God's immense love that is bestowed upon me, and for His grace and mercy!!! I pray that the Lord would use me to encourage others, such as these women, as I may be in need of encouragement one day.

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever."
Psalm 107:1

Chained to a Desk...

2009-01-08T06:42:00.000-08:00

Yes folks, that's me...CHAINED TO MY DESK!!! **Warning**...I'm venting here, b/c my hubs and family are sooo OVER my whining! I'm losing my mind here, literally. I have daily headaches, backaches, neckaches, buttaches (yes, I went there). I'm pretty sure I could JUMP out of my skin at any given time and run off into oncoming traffic, without blinking an eye. Yes, my friends, I know I chose this lovely job...BUT, it would've been helpful to know during my interview these things:

1. You will sit at your desk at ALL times unless on a break or at lunch

2. If you, by chance, need to step away from your desk you will be reprimanded like a 2 yr old

3. The chair that you will reside in will be oversized, underpadded and most likely from 1982

4. The neon lights overhead, in addition to staring at a computer screen, will give you the most annoying and nauseating headache on a consistent basis

5. You will freeze while in your "hole" b/c they are trying to ward off diseases, and when you beg for a heater they will tell you to bundle up instead...WTH????

6. You will be so entirely bored at work, you might lose a little bit of your sanity and blog about how much you hate your job...BUT, don't you dare leave your desk!!!

Let's move on to my "boss" (that's what everyone seems to call her, still can't figure it out). I'm going to try and remain respectful in my next few comments, but please forgive me if it gets ugly! I, for the life of me, can't figure out how she is in a leadership position??? I've been a manager since I was 24, so on a DAILY basis I try to wrap my mind around some of the things she says and does. I try to find the method to her madness, but just can't, and it's killing me trying to! In all honesty, maybe just maybe, it IS b/c I've been in a leadership role for so long and I can't tolerate being the "peon", I have no shame in saying that. I say that b/c I wouldn't pull half of the malarkey this woman pulls! So, YES, once again I chose this lovely job...But it would've been helpful to know during my interview these things:

1. On your first week at work, your "boss" will gossip to you about the other "boss" in another dept...and a few others (do you understand how disturbing and wrong this is???)

2. She will continue the gossip, backstabbing, fabrication of certain things, lying and so on...until you want to leave your desk (heaven forbid) and shout from the roof tops what a hypocrite she is, but you remain silent

3. You will be denied 95% of the requests you ask for, "just because"

4. If someone passes away in your family you will be given no condolences, instead you will be given a hard time about the time you need off (granted it was my Grandfather-in-law, but have a heart!)

5. You will see double standards on a DAILY basis

6. And if you're sick or going through a hard time, no biggie...there's a job to do! (like my job is that important)

Let's pause for a moment...DO I SOUND BITTER OR WHAT??? Ok, back to the complaining!

7. You will notice that there are favorites and others that receive "special treatment", but you don't (hey, I'm ok with not getting special treatment, but for the love of Pete BE FAIR)

8. You will be reminded that if you don't like your job, you CAN be replaced (who says that??? great way of building morale and making employees feel valued!)

9. Your boss will be an extremely MANIPULATIVE woman who tends to forget EVERYTHING you tell her, twist things around, make up rules as she goes (uugghh), must I go on...I'm being so mean! I think you get the picture

Ok, lastly, the patients. Now, I adore working with the patients (really I do), I love people (just not my boss). BUT, when people go to a Dr's office they tend to lose all their senses! Especially their sense of direction. Ok, I understand that they probably haven't been here before or that it is a big office, BUT it would've been helpful to know during my interview these things:

1. You will become a traffic director

2. When you tell someone (everyone) to take a left, they will ultimately take a right and go the wrong way...you will get to the point that you stop chasing them down (although, this is a FABULOUS opportunity to leave your desk)

3. When you schedule returning appointments for your patients, they will feel like they are deciding whether or not they are going to purchase their future home...MAKE A FLIPPIN DECISION...I PROMISE IT WILL NOT AFFECT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...MONDAY OR TUESDAY PEOPLE, 9 OR 10 AM...IT'S NOT THAT HARD...YOU DON'T NEED TO CALL YOUR HUSBAND, KIDS, GRANDPARENTS TO SEE WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO BE DOING ON JANUARY 11th 2010...OH, I DON'T HAVE TIME (well, yea I really do, but whatever) FOR YOU TO GET YOUR PALM PILOT OUT AND SEE IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING SCHEDULED A YEAR FROM NOW...NO I DON'T KNOW THE RESULTS OF YOUR EXAM...NO I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU HAVE SUCH A HIGH DEDUCTIBLE (talk to your "boss" about that, maybe they're nicer than mine)...AND FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, I CAN'T EXPLAIN YOUR BILL TO YOU ANY OTHER WAY THAN I ALREADY HAVE FOR THE 10th TIME...CALL YOUR INSURANCE COMPANY!!!

Oh, WOW, do I feel better! I'm gonna have a great day today. I'm also gonna get a new job...wish me luck :) And, once again, PLEASE forgive me for being so hateful...I'm really not that way, really!

New Years & Jen's Visit

2009-01-04T14:23:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Gama & The family

Moments before bringing in the new year...

2009 is going to be a GREAT year!!!

Me & my sister Ash

My loves...

This pic might be out of place...later in the night,

having a little fun!

Just the four of us

Puttin' on the naughty faces...

Me & JenJen

Bobby & Jeromy

What's her problem???

TAKE TWO:

Kim & Rog hanging out with us!!!

Bad Timing...

and...TAKE TWO...

Me and Kim...my big sis!

The girls before we went out

Three Christmases

2009-01-01T16:47:00.001-08:00

CHRISTMAS #1

Dinner with my sister, brother-in-law and nieces and nephew

Dinner Time....

Sydney & Kamden with their new comforters (they were so excited, NOT)

Kailyn & Morgan opening their gifts from Aunt Amy & Uncle Jeromy

Beautiful Kailyn!!!

And since I didn't bring my camera, sadly that's all I could snatch from
my sister's blog...

CHRISTMAS #2
Dinner & presents with the Bullmans!!!

A gift from Patti...they are TRYING to convert me

into a DUKE fan. It might be working???

Me, Jero & sweet Charlie

The Davis's

Eric and I trying to get Charlie to smile...

he smiles on his own time :)

Big Boy Charlie on his new bike!

CHRISTMAS #3

Lunch & presents with Patti's family...

(I didn't take nearly enough pics to show

the whole family )

Jero very excited about opening his gift,

such a kid ;)

Gama in her HOT new coat...

she's so precious!!!

And the kids....

HOPE EVERYONE HAD A BLESSED CHRISTMAS!!!

Remembering You...

2008-12-21T18:41:00.000-08:00

My mom went to be with the Lord six years ago yesterday. There's more than an enormous place in my heart soley reserved for my "mama". At times it feels like just yesterday I was laying my head in her lap so she could gently stroke my hair, b/c she knew that's what soothed me. However, other times it feels like an eternity that I was able to hug her and tell her how much I loved her.

She loved the little things in life, it never took much to make her happy. Just an outing to a grocery store with me would brighten her day (to this day, I wish I had indulged her just a bit more). She loved cooking amazing meals, she poured immense amounts of love into it. She adored time spent with just the four of us, family time was so important. She also relished the time spent with her sister and niece, and those were my best memories! Jen, her niece, had such a special place in her heart; as they were two of a kind!!! My Aunt was not only her sister, but her best friend and she misses her so much!

With every fiber of her being she loved and nurtured my sister and I. She sacrificed so much for us that words can't even describe. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her and miss her immensely. As I just said to someone the other day, until I am reunited with her again, all I can do is pray that I see her beautiful face in my dreams.

I love you mom...

Jeromy's Grandfather

2008-12-08T13:11:00.001-08:00

Jeromy's Grandfather (Daddy Bill) passed away on Saturday. He passed unexpectedly, but quickly, of a massive heart attack. Sadly, he had to have his leg amputated months ago and it was not only difficult for the family, but so incredibly hard on him. Daddy Bill was such a strong man and hardly let on of his pain and suffering! He always seemed to have a warm smile on his face and something funny to say, and he was such a loving man. As the matriarch of the family, this was a hard loss to take for his children and grandchildren, but as we are assured, he is being welcomed into Heaven. He is healthy, happy and glorifying our Lord as we speak! He lived a long, happy life and adored his wife and family. He will be sorely missed and never forgotten!

Tagged....

2008-12-05T12:18:00.000-08:00

Hmmm...Ok, here we go, some good some bad!

1. I love old people, I am picky about this though! Most are so incredibly precious, and all I want to do is hug them!!!

2. Speaking of hugs (Ashley), I can't stand when someone hugs me so lightly you barely feel it...you know, they've got their butt sticking so far out that you think they think you have some sort of disease! If you're gonna hug someone, MAKE IT WORTH IT!!! I will call most people out on this too...so beware :)

3. Jeromy won't like that I posted this, but here it goes. I met Jeromy when he was working at Texas Roadhouse through college and I was managing. He was dating a girl that also worked there, whom I did know and like. First, let me just put this out there...Jeromy is very full of himself, and he used to think he was a gift to women (not a huge surprise to anyone that knows him). Well, while he was dating her and being so, um what's the word??? SMUG (love ya babe)...he so "smuggly" asked me to come hang out with him and his friends in a hot tub! I pretty much laughed at him and declined! Well, that was about 2 years before he actually, formerly, asked me out. So, I guess he knew what he wanted from the "get go" :)

4. I am 4 years older than Jeromy. FOUR VERY BIG, LARGE, ENORMOUS, GINORMOUS years OLDER...and I'm reminded of this regularly :) I don't feel older and I'm told all the time that I don't look a day over 24ish, so THERE!!!

5. I don't like talking on the phone. I'm terrible at answering calls, returning calls or just plain calling people. I ADMIT IT!!! (some of you are nodding in agreeance right now)

6. I pierced my tongue when I was like 21 or 22! At the time, my best friend and I thought it would be the "cool" thing to do. Another fact about me is that I have an EXTREMELY LOW tolerance for pain, so don't ask what prompted me to want to pierce my tongue! An interesting side note: it actually didn't hurt! (yea, I know, how in the world will I be able to give birth? not letting my mind wonder there yet!)

7. I wish I was taller, I'm scared of getting old and wrinkley, I wish so bad my husband would "baby" me, I want to see a Broadway show and a Nascar race soooo bad, I can't wait to have babies, I'm terrified of gaining weight (hopefully that doesn't make me sound vain, cause I'm really not), I love to shop, I want the fairytale, I don't like my job b/c I'm not reaching my full potential (hence the fact that I can write this blog WHILE I'm working!!!)....ok, gotta get back to work :)

And, I don't have anyone to tag :( But, thankyou Katrina for tagging me!!!

Bare Minimum...Newlywed Style!

2008-12-04T19:14:00.001-08:00

So, after fixing some yummy hot chocolate for my hubs (well, after he brought down all the Christmas "stuff" from the attic, he DID help)...I decided to decorate our pitiful Christmas tree.

Now, I'm not going to diss it that bad b/c my Patti got it for us on our first Christmas...and we are grateful for that. But, this year after decorating the Christmas tree and setting out our very minimal knick-knacks, I had to laugh.

Here it is!!! Cute but pitiful...I think it's leaning. What do you think???

And, here are a few of our decorations...and as you can see, it "ain't" much! So newlywed"ish" of us!

I'm holding back until we can sell our townhome (which may be sometime around 2022???), to invest in more Christmas decorations! So until then, we will settle for this.

Oh, and check out how cute I was when I was only 3 years old!!! Not humble at all ;) Little blurry, but you get the picture!

Two Little Elves....

2008-12-03T18:48:00.001-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Quick trip BACK to Florida...

2008-12-02T17:03:00.000-08:00

We went to Orlando this year for Thanksgiving. This was the first year celebrating Thanksgiving without my Grandmother. She passed away last February, so it was particularly hard on us and especially my Grandfather. Her presence was certainly missed...her running around preparing things, snipping at people to get out of her way, breaking out in a sweat...so I had the pleasure of taking on that role this year! We all know by now that I don't cook, BUT I can surely throw a casserole together. My sister prepared most of the casseroles, and then she was out like a fat kid in dodge ball...leaving the rest for me. You know, all the timing of the casseroles, turkey, biscuits...and then setting the table and the hour of clean up, while everyone kicked back! Ya'll would have been so proud of me :) Jero would not appreciate me bragging about my Thanksgiving day accomplishments. His thoughts are, "Don't do it and gloat about it, just do it!" Well I say, the heck with that I worked my little bootie off! ***Taking a bow***

So, onto the airplane "drama"! I bought Kamden one of those CHEAPLY made, but not so CHEAPLY priced, remote control airplanes. Well, if ya'll didn't know already, I'm married to a big kid who just HAD to try it out first...and guess where it landed??? Oh YES, you guessed right...THE ROOF!!!

So, we came across this ladder. This picture doesn't do much justice in showing how very SHORT this ladder actually was! I didn't get a lot of pictures of Jero trying his very best to get on the roof with this stunted ladder...but, lets just say it was HILARIOUS watching him try!

So funny that my sister was in tears! This picture, also, does no justice in expressing how hard she was laughing...it was just one of those "moments", laughing till you cry-there's nothing better than that! I, however, didn't find it quite as funny as I was envisioning an impending hospital visit!

Low and behold, he made it up there (after discovering a much taller ladder, thanks to Gramps).

Kamden was sooo upset that he couldn't bare to watch!!! I'm not sure if he was upset for Jero or for his plane???

What a hero Jeromy was!!! We wouldn't be making that mistake again!

Yes, there is that tall ladder we needed so badly...worked much better :)

And there is our Happy Camper!!! No damage to the plane OR Jeromy...thank heavens!!!

Just us girls!

It was such a wonderful visit that I am very grateful for! I hope everyone had a blessed Thanksgiving!!! Christmas is on it's way...YAY!

The ABC's About Me...

2008-12-02T11:07:00.000-08:00

A--Attached or Single: Attached...MARRIED!

B--Best Friend(s): My husband, sister and cousin

C--Cake or Pie: Um, cake!

D--Day of Choice: Most definitely Saturdays!!!

E--Essential Item: My devotional prayer book

F--Favorite Food: Mexican & Italian

G--Greatest Joy: My family

H--Hometown: Asheville

I--Indulgences: Clothes shopping!!!!

J--January or July: JULY!!! I LOVE summer!

K--Kids: None YET...does my husband count?

L--Life is Incomplete Without: My faith & salvation, second to that is my FAMILY!

M--Marriage Date: October 20th, 2007

N--Number of Siblings: 1 Great Sister

O--Oranges or Apples: Love 'em both equally!

P--Phobias: Heights....YIKES!!!

Q--Quotes: "It's not WHAT you do, it's how much LOVE you put into it that matters" Mother Teresa

R--Reason to Smile: Most definitely all the little things in life that we take for granted...I'm blessed in sooo many countless ways!

S--Season: Summer...doesn't get any better. I'd say winter just for the Christmas season, but I hate the cold!

T--Tag 5 Friends: I don't have 5 friends to tag....sad huh?

U--Unknown Facts About Me: I'm actually a little shy, believe it or not! I think if someone were to describe me, shy wouldn't be in their description.

V--Very Favorite Store(s): Old Navy, Gap, Ann Taylor, Charlotte Russe

W--Worst Habit: Sucking my thumb (I personally don't think that's "bad", but my husband does!)

X--X-ray or Ultra Sound: Funny question...I've never had either

Y--Your Favorite Movie: Steele Magnolias "Don't talk about me like I'm not here"

Z--Zodiac Sign: Taurus

Too Funny....

2008-11-24T15:15:00.000-08:00

Boredom can bring you to some funny places! I stumbled upon another blog today and found this. I couldn't stop laughing and neither will you!!! Some questions asked by people on a pregnancy website that a lady took the liberty of answering in her own unique way...

BEFORE THE PREGNANCY:

Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather then briefs?
Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.

Are birth control pills deductible?
Only if they don't work.

What is a chastity belt?
A labor-saving device.

Should I have a baby after 35?
No, 35 children are enough.

Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.

My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
Your therapist.

DURING THE PREGNANCY:

How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
If it's the flu, you'll get better.

I normally wear a size 34-C bra. Now that I'm pregnant, should I continue to wear a bra?
Not if you don't mind switching in the future to a size 34-Long.

What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
Childbirth.

I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
Yes, your bladder.

Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?
Depends on what you're doing with them.

Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labor?
When the sex is between your husband and another woman.

My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning?
It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make it's way out of you.

What are forceps?
Giant baby tweezers.

Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.

AFTER THE PREGNANCY:

Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?
No, but your husband might get on your nerves.

Under what circumstances should a baby not be circumcised?
When it's a girl, for starters.

Where is the best place to store breast milk?
In your breasts.

Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
Yes, baby lips.

What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

How does one sanitize nipples?
Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

What are the terrible twos?
Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
When you see teeth marks.

What is the grasp reflex?
The reaction of new father's when he sees new mother's breasts.

What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away?
They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global chemical warfare.

Do I have to have a baby shower?
Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

What causes baby blues?
Tanned, hard-bodied, knock outs.

What is colic?
A reminder for new parents to use birth control.

Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
When the kids are in college.

Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
Yes, pregnancy.

Who Do You Look Like???

2008-11-24T07:38:00.000-08:00

So, I was bored at work today (I know, that's bad) and created my "Celebrity Look-alikes". A couple don't surprise me b/c I've heard it before, like Teri Hatcher and Paula Abdul. I'm kinda digging the Jessica Alba and Eva Mendes pics, b/c my hubs is IN LOVE with them...hahaha! To my blogging buddies out there (the 2 or 3 of you), go ahead...create one, they're fun!!!